Were you scared,
Were you thinking clearly,
When you clearly believed that I was not,
Did anyone but you think to look twice,
At this eroded shell I lock in a vice,
Because I was half-dead when you asked me last
Whether I'd crossed a line to a black world,
Silver steel sharp threshold and ****** blue keys
And you're the only one who checks that I'm not planning to go
So I've convinced myself you're the only one who'd notice

Even though I know
I know that's not entirely true
But noticing is different to giving a ****

No, I take it back, I can't do this today,
I thought I could maybe get stronger but
I can't,
Get me out,
Get me out,
Please let me out,
Let me out of this, this, this
Nightmare, daydream, mind, body,
These clothes, this building,
This fear of death, this struggle of living...

I'm watching her play games on her phone and I'm smiling.

Someone has to ask, is this
Nothing but a game to you?
Have you noticed, in this circle of sad songs,
There's only one composer with a dry eye
All you seem to want to do is help,
but here we are atop this mountain,
And we can't tell if your
    Cracked, broken voice is a ruse -
Is it any wonder
We dubbed you a monster,
The only one in control
At all the wrong moments -
Can't you lend us some of your
Stone-faced, clear mind
So that next time we break,
No-one can see it,
Can you help us be more like him?

See those marks on your arms?
See how I haven't
Been able to look
Under my own shirt
Because you know sometimes,
It just doesn't hurt,
I can't make it hurt enough
I wrote
What I thought was the most explicit
Explanation
But only one person heard
And she thought
The word choice
Was "cute"

This thing isn't working
Can I take it back?
This skin isn't working
Can I peel it off?
This life isn't working
Can I quit and start over?
See, you asked me outright,
And all the words were there but I couldn't put them together
Couldn't string these
Loose musings
Into unity
Enough to form a sentence together
I thought
I was supposed to be good at this?

responsible, can't leave
Selfish?

Am I selfish for not wanting to leave?
Or for not wanting to stay?
Because no-one would notice, let alone care -
Except maybe her, and her,
And maybe him,
And them, and -

And I'm still learning guitar,
And I haven't checked my emails,
And it's not fair to leave without cleaning my room first,
And, And, And,
And that rock would name me incorrectly,
And I'd still be called "daughter",
And I haven't looked up those artists yet,
And I want to learn all the words first,
And, And, And...

I can't stop thinking about how they'd all react
And I can't seem to imagine it would bother anyone for long
Please,
I just need someone to tell me I'm wrong

White shirt, grey lining,
Cotton and spandex binding
This skin, to make me feel whole
You can see I'm half-alive,
My demise I fantasise
Your restrictions are a chain on my soul
I know what my needs are,
Despite your laments.
This second skin will see me through
Your baseless arguments

Don't try to explain to me
All the ways I'm due to burn
Because I've seen enough of that
In this world alone
And I should know,
I don't need your help
Your king will march me into hell himself
And I will greet you at those fiery gates
It seems neither of us could rise above our hate
When my people enter, I will greet them all by name
See, our circles hold a special kind of fame

Among the lucky ones,
Blue, pink and white
We'll be torn apart if they see us,
So it's easier to hide
But how do you hide when your disguise
Is a poison, a pain so deep?
An uphill Battle, hauling lead,
Why D'you think so many accept defeat?
Don't deny us our medication
You're causing more asphyxiation
I have but one consolidation:
That this is my problem
And not yours

You are my heart -
     Listen to yourself beating
Be careful how fast you go
Sometimes,
     You're a little faster than
          I'd like to be,
So I say, "slow down"
     So I don't miss anything
     Because you are everything I don't want to miss
My chest rises when you take to the skies -
     I try to calm my racing heart -
But I can't seem to slow you down.