I'm pulling myself together
Setting on my new path
I'm heading to a new direction
Looking for another light of my life.
This time however, I travel by myself
And I will continue travel alone,
Till i find the real light of my life.

"Who hurt you?"

"my own expectations".

(that eventually kills me)

But it is one of the most pleasurable things to do.

And this wholeheart breaks again
For whom i trusted most
The person i spread my love to
But this human betrays my trust.

Being hurt isnt a feeling anymore
Frustration feeds my heart
It's sickening, but crying no more
It eats me though, but i fight very hard.

Thank you,
For teaching me what love is
For making me trusted you
For showing me your passionate
For playing well in your game.
And letting me be a fool
Drowning in a dream.

Once,
There was a pure soul
Lived in a tiny body
And have had a big heart.
But it was strong anyway.
Now,
The tiny body couldnt take it anymore
But still carrying a big heart
Tho the soul has been taken away.

Dont afraid of your own shadow
When youre the one who creating it
You can do whatever you want
But your shadow wont leave you behind

You will never get what you want
Not all your wishes will come true
But decision has been made
You chose your own pathway
And wished to have beautiful days
Then you realized it was a mistake made
And you cant turn back
To re-do everything is impossible
Your journey seems so hard
And youre about to give up
Dont be. You just need to head up
Be strong and deal with it.
Bcs the ending is what matters most,
Live up to your expectations,
And create a beautiful end.

True friends,
Dont judge you
From what you did
They dont pick you
Bcs of how you dressed up.
A true friend knows,
How to keep up with their small circle.
It's okay if you dont have many
As long as you know
Who your true friends are
When you need them.

I often asked my self
What's my dream and ambition
I realized the older I become
I started to lose them one by one
Until i have none.  

Standing in my shoes
Watching others playing their part
Each of them has their role to play
While I enjoyed watching theirs
I forgot mine.

I fall in love
With the love
You've given me .

No doubt when i say i love you,
but it's hard to say;
meeting you is unfortunate or fortunate occurrence?

i'm standing on the blade, bleeding.
while i'm watching you on the stage, dancing.

Our relationship is like a broken glass
no matter how hard we try to fix them up
we still call it a broken glass.

The days of the year have passed,
Another year is coming,
I'm still counting the days,
From the day I was born, until today.
At this prime age of 26,
My friends are getting married,
Some are doing well in jobs.
My sisters are pregnant,
I'm a blessed aunty next year.
My parents are still healthy,
They're driving new car.
My boss is still paying me,
He's planning for a new project.
My closed person is getting bigger,
Meaning he's happy like forever.
What a blissful 26 years,
I couldn't ask for more,
Thank you God, for everything,
I'm looking forward for 2017!

Lonely isn't the feeling when you're all alone,
In an empty room,
Or sitting in the darkness.
Lonely is when you're with many people,
Walking along a chaotic road,
Surrounded by noisy human,
But you feel like you're all alone.

Dear Mr Rocky,
It's not that I wanna let you go
But I think this is the best time
For me to handover you
To somebody else.
It's not that I love you no more
I love you still, you will have my heart
Wherever you go.
You've been with me during ups and downs
You were literally with me.
You heard me laugh
You saw me cry and scream
And you've been hearing
All my nonsense talking,
Cursing the reckless drivers,
Like for everyday??.
I'm sorry.
But whatever you've heard,
Pls keep it as a secret okay?.
Thanks for being a good listener.
I love you. Forever will.
You're my first car that I afford to have.
Be good to your new driver.
So-called "new owner".

you stab me in the back, but i dont hold it in
i continue to bleed, it's okay
coz wound might deal, eventhough the scar remains
i keep my mouth shut, but eyes are wide open
i notice everything, but i pretend that i dont
i'm not stupid, but old enough for this ****
i'm giving in but please beware, i warn you
you're unconsciously touching my limits
mirror yourself and ask "is it worth to stay?"
choose to stay out, or you'll stuck in emotions
stop those unneeded kindness, which are unnecessary
coz your line might be barred,
or you might lose the grid TRUST.
you choose, coz i take pride on my scars.

I saw this young lady
She stepped into Starbucks
Holding a thick novel by Murakami
And a wrapped sandwich from Subway
In front of the counter
She smiled to the Barista
Ordered her coffee
Grande hot caramel latte, i guess
She chose to seat at the corner
Tasted her coffee using the stirrer
Unwrapped her sandwish, began to eat
I kept my eyes on this young lady
While she was eating, she was scrolling
Wasnt sure what was she looking at
But I saw she smiled, and giggled to herself
She was all alone
Accompanied by her handbag, handphone, coffee, and subway
But her face didn't show that she was lonely
She ate halfway, i knew she enjoyed her sandwich a little while ago,
She seemed to made a phone call out
Her pleasant face changed expression
While she was talking on the phone
She took the Starbucks serviette
Started tearing, began to cry
What a long conversation she had.
I watched her for a moment
What made this young lady cried?
I wonder.
She didn't finish her sandwich,
I wasnt sure bout her coffee, but she threw it away as she stepped out from Starbucks.
I whispered to my self,
"What drama I just watched?"

And you were telling me you wanna leave
My eyes suddenly started tearing
I've hold these tears for quite sometime
Been telling myself not to lose it
I've given the best efforts I could
As for I loved, I loved completely
I've fought for you so **** hard
For the thought you were worth to fight for
I've been strong, stronger than I should
As I hoped you were bullet-proof
I've been holding on, though my hands were bleeding
As I knew you were there to heal the wound.
Reasons why I stayed.
I was stupid before I met you, I knew.
But even more stupid when you left me in the lurch.

Being tortured and mistreated
That is not what I deserved
I'm not strong, though I can stand
But somehow I will eventually fall.

I still remember our prime time
More laughter than tears
More discussion than ignorance
Everything seemed to be perfect.
Now everything has turned upside down
No more joys, no more good laugh
Shedding tears, ended up good fight.
And our prime time, has come to an end.

I feel like to cry out loud
To express exactly what I feel
Why does this thing happens?
I can feel the pain in my chest.
The inevitable thoughts in my mind
Keep running and spinning in my head
I cant help. They are unstoppable bubbles.
Searching for the hands to hold onto
I'm afraid of falling
I can feel my body weakening
Loosing the energy and spirit
To keep on standing.
Somehow I hear the floor whispers
"Dont worry. If you fall, I'll be there"
I find myself relieved. Coz I know,
Even if I fall so ******* the floor
It will not break me.

People are saying
Whoever is having me
They are so lucky
But you prove them wrong.
I'm a total mess
Absolute disaster
Horrible dream
You ever had.

You know he would do anything for you
Anything. You just name it.
He would've given you anything you've asked.
He would've taken you anywhere that you wished.
You know why?
Well. Dont tell me that you dont know.
Silly you.

But for everything he has sacrificed for you,
Do you think he will ask you to payback?
Or he will expect you to do the same?

No, he doesn't request for anything in return.
But all you did was lie to him.
And you betrayed him.
Was that the way you reciprocate?

Now he is sitting and wondering
Who's unfair to him
Is that you?
Or life is unfair?
Tell him.

Even if you've been;

Holding on for years,
Fighting the battle alone,
Staying strong with patience,
Giving your effort to the fullest.

But if none of the above make sense
To the person who's supposed to,
You'll eventually reach to your limit,
To stop giving in,
Like you used to do.

Then you'll whisper to yourself,
"This is not my loss"

If you were given a chance
To be with your family,
Be with your family.

If you were given a day off
Out of your hectic working days,
Rest yourself, get a quality one.

If you were given a person
For you to love and be loved,
Be grateful, you've been chosen!

For,
Everything is temporary,
Nothing lasts forever,
Appreciate while you can.

I still remember
How blue the sky was
The clouds were billowing
That was one of the brightest scenery I’ve ever seen.
I thought they were also celebrating
The happy-excited feeling that I owned that day.
I bet I was the most excited one!

And I started to dream;
Having a grand ceremony
Where we both are the King & Queen
Walking through the aisle.

Days went by, it changed to months
My dream was getting higher to catch
It was impossible for me to grab
There was a ***** that burst my bubble
Turned out my dream was no longer mine.

From the day I lost my bubble
Every time I drive through this road
I try to snap a new beautiful picture
But up till today, I couldn’t make it.
The scenery is no longer as beautiful as that day
The sky is always hazy and blur
The clouds are no longer closed to each other
I think they’re still mourning
Over the loss of my dream.

; I'm sorry.

For my insecurity, I'm asking you now;
Was it my fault when you were unable to make me feel secure?
Was it my fault after I saw you keep tracking her location, and where she was?
Was it my fault when I heard your phone non-stop vibrating for calls and messages?
Was it my fault at the moment I saw that phone number kept calling you?
Was it my fault when she keeps looking for you at any time?; Not only when her car broke down!
Was it my fault when I found out that you've been cheating on me for all this while?

Answer me now. Was it my fault??

why is it so difficult for you
to tell me the truth
in anything

why is it so hard for me
to leave you behind
with all your lies

you know, i know the truth
you know you lying
but yeahh.. you continue lying after that
and i keep accepting
all these lies, after lies.

I thought we shared the same dream
I thought you were leading me along the journey
But I was mistaken
You left me hanging alone
With your broken promises
You pushed me away
Like I'm nothing to you
But it's okay
Now I can finally say;
It was not my loss.

At this point in time
I'm at my lowest point
Drowning in life's journey
Suffocating along the way

Now at my lowest point
I just realized that
People don't give a ****
What's happening to you
They don't even care
Not to mention they trying to help

You know why?
Coz your life isn't their fking life
Your problem isn't their fking problem
So to them is "why bother?"

You love her attention more than mine it seems.
Maybe I'm giving you too much of it.
and she's giving you too little.
but you love her attention anyway.
Now I notice that,
giving you more is just giving you less.
not even more.
I should’ve reduced it anyway.

I had reasons to leave you. but I didn't.
I tried my best to be part of you, but you didn't.
I was continuously seeking for opportunities to be with you, but you didn't.
I was holding your heart with care, but you didn't.
I tried to hold onto this relationship, I kept reminding myself to be patient,
I tried to be strong even when I couldn't.
I tried to be the one who loved you wholeheartedly, but you didn’t.
What else should I do to have your heart in return?
When everything was falling apart,
and everything that I did at my best,
wasn't enough, to win your heart.

don't come back
like you used to be
stay gone; for good
let me move on.

A woman won't accept a ring if she isn't ready for the commitment.
And naturally,
A man won't propose to a woman unless he's very sure of what he's doing.

The moment I was holding on for you,
Was the moment you didn't realize my existence,
The moment I opened my heart to let go of you,
Was the moment you came back claiming you will stay,
Now comes the moment I'm hanging on for nothing,
Watching you walk away; again,
Leaving your sweet-talked-promises; undone.

A year has passed
Which gave me the thoughts;
I wasn't lovable
I wasn't enough
I wasn't worth it

Here's another year
Hoping not full with heartbreaks;
But heart healing
And abundant joy, instead.

At the end of the day
You only have yourself
Either to be strong
Or to be down to the dumps
At this time,
Nobody wants to help you
Nobody will understand you
Coz only you yourself
Had gone through
All the ****** things
And never ending *******.

When the time comes
For me to move on
Why is it the same time comes
For you to come back
And realize
What you did wrong.

It's scary
How in a moment I can be fine
Staring into space
Then suddenly
Feel so much pain
So much hurt.

And sometimes I just feel tears fighting to come out,
For unknown reasons.

How stupid I am.
To think I was the only flower
In your garden.

Just now I asked God,
Why He chose me to go through this heartbreak,
I said I cannot bear the pain anymore.
My question being left unanswered.

Now something comes out from my mind;
"While He gave you happiness,
Did you ask Him, why would He choose you?"

I remain speechless.

She's the one now
You holding onto
Giving your best
Pleasing your Princess

I was there before
Given the chance
To be your Princess
Though for a while
More than enough
To teach me what
Heartbreak is.