"Can someone please give me anesthesia?
I would like to fall into an eternal sleep,
but just for a while,
until all my struggles expire.
And someone up there,
will remember
that he once created a girl,
with the mind of a lost bubble."

"Rest,
rest,
and let nature
do the rest."

Instead of lying on the couch for another hour,
I could have done more.
"‘You are turning into a cocoon,’
they laugh.

I could, I should,
but I never would.
I know myself too well.

I would rather offer my soul for sale
than leave my room—
four walls that have become my
safe haven... or a cage?

I know I should,
but I never will.
Am I too emotional for allowing myself to fear?

Because what if, when I leave,
my home disappears?
What if they forget
that I was once there?
What if they realize
that living without me
makes them happier?

The only thing I am seeking in life
is the strength to overcome
each one of my fears.
Not to be scared.

But how can I,
when there is a knife
waiting for me
behind every corner?

It all started in my hometown,
laughing on a playground.
No one warned me about the older kids—
the ones who make your eyes cry,
destroy your toys,
and create your first fears.

Fear of losing, of being alone,
of failure, of being too much.

But the biggest of all,
is also the funniest of all,
and the saddest—
it is the allowing yourself to feel scared.

How do I know what is right?
How do I know when to act
when to argue
when to stay silent
and when not to

How do I know when to do it
and when to not

How do I know
when the right time to fight is?
How do I know what is right?
Does the feeling in my gut tell me?
Or the tears in my eyes?

"It will get better," they say,
but what if it doesn't?
What if I stay like this
until the end of my days,
trying to figure out,
what I should have already known?

And when you ask me how I feel,
I just answer
"A lot"