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  Jun 19 A
Ciel Noir
sometimes you have to be the one
to reach out your hand in forgiveness
be the one to break the silence
be the one to take that step

though your senses may suggest
that no one dares to be defenseless
no one cares to mend fences
sometimes you have to be the one
  Mar 2022 A
Emma P
When I say
that you are my Sun,
I don’t mean that you are
Or even the center of my universe.
I simply mean that
I cannot look at you
Without hurting
A Mar 2022
Last night
I dreamt of you again.
In hindsight, it wasn’t a nightmare
but that makes me wonder why I awoke gasping for air and shaking.

Why I cried for almost a full hour
before once again drifting off in to a dreamscape that was all about you,
and my pain,
and my anger.

All you did
in the first scenario was enter my home.
I knew you were coming as I watched your
vehicle pull in to my driveway.

But this time
instead of crimson it was royal blue.

The last time
I saw you in this world
your head was shaved and you were well kept,
but in that world, your hair was long
and your face was *****.

Still tall as ever,
absolutely towering over me.
A presence so easily seen as intimidating,
yet I felt no threat.

As you stood in front of me
in the kitchen of my dreamworld,
I tried so hard to form any cohesive sentence
but all I did was stammer.

And just like that,
I was awake and you were gone.

I sat straight up,
feeling like I was punched in the chest,
gasping, with the wind knocked out of me,
desperate tears falling from my eyes
before I once again fell in to
a sleepscape where
you were present.

I have seen and heard
so many things that remind me of you lately,
and I keep trying to decipher if it’s The Universe
trying to tell me something,
or if it is perhaps
a message from
you yourself.

And I keep thinking
that if it is you, and you are bold enough
to contact me in my precious world of dreams
why you can’t just grow a pair
and face me

in real life.
A Jan 2022
Six years ago,

We were hellbent on watching the show Dexter during almost every second of our free time.

So many late nights that transitioned in to early morning,

We rode waves of exhaustion, with chocolate cake and coffee as our vehicles, illuminated by the glow of a TV screen.

During such a chaotic, dark, and painful time in my life,

Those nights we moved between mouthfuls of cocoa-spongy-goodness at my kitchen table and laughing on my bedroom floor until dawn were my solace.

My best friend.

The innocent warmth that grew in my heart when you offered me genuine smiles and hugs in a time where I felt very little safety or happiness.

Even before you were anything more than my best friend.

We always wondered what a continuation of the original series would be like,

And we were so sure that if there ever was one, we would enjoy it together, similarly to those nights in my room all those years ago.

Well, the new series is out, and I’m five episodes in; all of which have been watched in complete solitude.

Our original binge was six years ago, but as of six days ago, it’s officially been six months since I’ve heard from you last. I’m sure you would at least smirk at the six-six-six coincidence of that.

Sometimes I close my eyes at night and try to pretend that I’m back in that bed, in that room, in that farmhouse, laying next to my best friend, both of us pretending to be asleep because we just got yelled at for laughing too loud.

That’s all.
My poems are more rants in to the void than they are art or whatever at this point. I’m sure I’ve said that before, but, again, whatever.
  Jan 2022 A
How do you explain us?
Maybe you don’t?
Maybe you can’t?
Even after all the love,
all the madness,
the happiness,
and the heartache
I still could not let go.
Our love was
a different kind of love
an invisible kind.
The type that lived
beyond the physical realm.
Where only the soul
could see.
  Dec 2021 A
Not Lauren
We are woven together - I cannot free myself

No matter how many ties I cut
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