i.
Abyss.
Cocooned within an infinitely bounded vacuum
A smile eclipsed by resonating quiescence.
                         This emptiness
                                  kills.
I yearn to sculpt the carvings of camouflaged tears
through 3 am poetry
but yellow sheets emptier than my dreams
embrace
as I dangle amidst kaleidoscopes of barren yesterdays.
Even words have failed me tonight.

ii.
Chaos
Twirling against haemoglobin tiles
deranged voices heist the oxygen from my lungs
as I gasp
against a narrowing rib cage.
Insanity tattooed within mascara embroidered eyes
I hear you over and over
screaming, screaming, screaming,
and I explode
into scarlet fragments of nothingness.

iii
Adieu
I used to build esoteric constellations with
the stars in my eyes
and tuck away the moon underneath
my smile
But now my irises bleed the tales of fallen stars and a widowed sky.
Whiskey memories sway against burnt edges of my windowpane
as I spiral into an expanse of toxic ruins
of myself,
falling
falling
falling
falling











fallen.

Exquisite catastrophe
Imprinted within fiery intuitions
That envelop her existence.

Entangled in curtains of ashes,
She tries to burn smoke
With the ice
That has imprisoned
Her smile.

The quest for paradise
Cotinues, as she drowns
In volcanoes
Of abhorrence.

Arctic ruins embedded within infernos.

Her kingdom topples
Swords of sanity
Dissolve
Into vapour.

Her final words
Kiss the wind.

When the ink kisses the last traces of my words,
So exquisitely penned,
My putrescent heart hammers one final beat
Because the perishable is ethereal

We never do water artificial flowers.

So I smile
And breathe in eternal obscurity.

Like watercolours
I fade away

Daddy please! Don’t do this!
Sir I’m begging you!
Help me! Somebody! Anybody!’

I heard. She heard. He heard. They heard. We heard. Who helped?



Five year old, hiding underneath the bed
Shivering, terrified, petrified
Alchohol bottles lying scattered, cigarette buds gazing up at her
Papa’s touch still imprinted in her quivering mind
She heard mama screaming, mama was leaving her home
A scream lodged in her throat, oh no papa was opening the door
He caught her pretty soon and his rough hands left a mark
In her body, in her voice, soul and heart.

That’s not true! He is a respectable man. He would never do that!



Ten year old, spending hours in the shower, reliving the same old tragedy, going mad,
Had a mother, has a father but yearns for a mom and dad
Threatened by her teacher, ‘I’ll fail you if you say’
‘Please sir, don’t do this’ she begged but he wouldn’t let go of his prey
Battered and bruised, now nowhere else to go
Just another child, had too little time to grow.

A teacher sleeping with his student? This girl is insane! Spewing lies like that!



Fifteen year old, a smile lost in the breeze, arms adorned with paintings
Cries echoing in the space so timeless, no one could see past the smile she was feigning
Strangers in darkness became her breathless nightmare
Her body was bare and her sanity broken beyond repair.

What a *****! Such a *****! What was she wearing?



Nineteen year old, far too gone, one step from the edge
A rope, a cloth, a bottle and a blade, yes she was well prepared
‘This world doesn’t deserve my love, my smile, my life
My mind is way too saturated with hate, so this is my final goodbye’

Teenagers nowadays! Always choosing the easy way out. It’s all her fault!

Weaving my feelings and stringing the letters
Into a garland of unsaid words
I let my soul ***** the crumpled blank sheets
By desires kept hidden behind tiny locked doors
Bleeding with suppressed, innocent thoughts
I stain the yellow papers with unshed tears
Jumbled sentences speak with raw power
Tearing through smudged ink and my soul
Every forgotten memory captured between the pages of my journal
Bring back those times that had been so blur
And here I am- Sitting huddled up in my room, nibbling my pen, wondering
If actions really speak louder than words....

As we walked past the gardens of doom,
You saw the lilies breathing in the warm summer air, smiling, so blissful
I did too.
You felt the wind caress your porcelain face and whisper words of love
I did too.
You heard the solitary melodies laugh and lift your happy soul until  you reached utopia
I did too.

But you never saw the mystic rose, the daughter of darkness, gaze into your soul
You never felt the fire devour all hopes, them bleeding into crimson black ashes
You never heard those satanic voices sing you to sleep, a peaceful lullaby
But I did.

So come my love, hold my hand,
Let me rejoice in the echo of your screams,
Let me be the Joker to your Quinn
Let our watercolours fade into distant tattoos of eternal darkness.....

A puppet.
And a broken toy.

Sitting at the edge of something beautiful
Yet I’m running from my reflection
Smiling at the camera, with your arms around me
Yet screaming, crying, breaking
Who have I become?
What have I become?

Standing at the pinnacle of happinesss
But waking up the next second
Seeing the sun smile down gently
But feeling the drought choke my throat
Seeing the rain caress my skin
But feeling the hailstones pierce my soul.

Mirrors shattering, bombs exploding
Still hopelessly waiting for a release.

The black sky mocks my black heart
Asking who has a better shade
The world explodes in neon colours of love
Coaxing me to smile, but I can only ask
How can a raven change into a dove?

Do you see me now?
Are you still proud of your child?

Now dangling from the cliff
What am I holding onto?
I see you there
Your voice is a faint melody I yearn to erase
They are telling me to stop
But I’m far too gone

And I jump.

The town was in chaos, with people running away to places
To escape the dark, haunted beauty of death
The disease spread like a fire, with no one to quench its rage
Killing people on its long run, stealing their breath.

Cries and screams pierced the feared silence
As mothers clutched their child's lifeless bodies
Who knew an epidemic could shatter million dreams in an instant?
For all that was now remaining were fading memories.

There lived an untouchable family- a father, and his daughter in the town
His only valuable possession, the one whom he truly loved
She smiled with her eyes and could never be seen with a frown
She was her father's world, his lovely little dove.

But who could erase his prevailing worries
For his daughter always went out to play?
Who could soothe his tortured mind
Saying that his daughter would return safe and sound by the end of the day?

It was that fateful day, when his dreadful fears came true
Crippling his daughter with the disease that had taken away so many souls
He cried for her lost smiles, he cried for her dull eyes
Will he ever be able to win back his fragile hope?

Nights seemed to drag by, or were those days?
He never could tell, he was always by her side
Cocooned inside the warmth of darkness, he fought to stay awake
But how could he when his daughter was fighting to stay alive?

The girl who used jump and play around
Now lay limp in her bed, her voice slowly growing weaker
She called her father and whispered,
'Papa, all I want is a flower from the holy temple.'

How could he refuse his dying daughter's wish?
But how could an untouchable step his feet into the scared grounds?
But there was no time to hesitate, no time to waste
Gathering his courage, he sneaked in without a sound.

But is life ever sweet?
'Hey you! How dare you enter the temple?' They screamed
Their hate filled voice mingled with the spiritual prayers
Trapping him, as they held him hostage for a week.

He rushed home, fear in his mind and tears in his eyes
Seven days had felt like seven years,
How could they be so cruel? How could they not understand a father's heart?
All he could hear was his daughters screams ringing in his ears.

He slammed open the door, searching for his daughter
She lied there, at the corner, lifeless black eyes stared back at him
He took her in his arms, and cried
That day, along with her, a part of him died.

He lost his love because he was an untouchable
He lost his smile because he was an untouchable
He lost her because he was an untouchable
He lost himself all because he was an untouchable..







An English version of the poem 'एक फूल की चाह' by Siyaram Sharan Gupt