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SteffyWeffy Sep 2016
I made it another day without you here with me.
I wonder how many more days I will have to go without you.
Sometimes I think about how my life was when you were here.
My life got worse and I stopped living after you weren’t here anymore.
I know you’re out there somewhere living life, breathing, eating and laughing.
While I mourn you, I will always miss you.
I will always love you.
  Sep 2016 SteffyWeffy
Rigmarole
my mind is not mine I cannot see
I’m held within a cage of lost liberty
my days are not my own
them seem to be controlled
by people far too wealthy I'm told

my nights are filled with dreams
that warn of time fleeting
of heart ripped and torn
a body that longs to dance airborne
and move to express itself
with no one to approve or ignore

I look with admiration
at dolphins presentation
of joyous jumps and gleeful communication
and see their lives free of limitation
as a talisman of my renunciation

with closed eyes I lie still
and look behind to see all that fills
alone and all one
my chains are broken
and on the cliff edge
I jump
to be awoken
Just a note: I'm not going to throw myself off a cliff edge, my partner thought this was literal, no it's of course metaphorical ;-) trust the unknown....
  Sep 2016 SteffyWeffy
Stephan
.

Well, here I go again,
it’s time to put this pen to work
“Hey, can’t you see I’m sleeping?
He is always such a ****?”


I wonder what they’d like to read,
I usually write of love
“Ain’t that the truth, it seems to be
all he is thinking of”


Perhaps a poem wrapped around
a perfect morning view
“It wouldn’t be the first one
I have seen come out of you”


Or how her beauty touches me
and takes my breath away
“Please not again, the same old line,
find something new to say”


I know, I’ll write of autumn,
its arrival coming soon
“Oh geez, you wrote one yesterday,
at least it’s not the moon”


That's it, I'll write about the moon,
it just popped in my head
“Of course, he never gives me credit
for anything I've said”


A poem about flowers
in the garden would be good
“Oh great, some singing marigolds
neath an arbor where she stood”


How about an ocean,
as the waves crash on the shore
“You’ve written that a hundred times,
they really don’t need more?”


A sunset found at twilight
shining brightly tangerine
“You’re gonna bore them half to death,
if you know what I mean”


I want to say I love her so,
in hopes that she will sigh
“****, you say that one more time,
and I’m saying goodbye”


Well, maybe I’ll just wait
and write a poem later on
“I’m good with that, but promise me,
no dew drops on the lawn”


Here you go, back in the drawer,
until I write again
*“Finally, I’ll get some sleep,
I hate being his pen”
A collaboration with my whining, sarcastic pen.  : )
SteffyWeffy Sep 2016
My father got me a new cell phone, another new change.
I wish I could keep my old one, because your number is in my phone that I have now.
I can’t put your number in my new phone, my parents will think I still like you.
I can’t like you, I can’t.
I need to move on, I need to move on.
You were my first kiss, my first love.
My first heart break.
I love you, I always will in a way.
I can’t be with you, never.
People would think it’s wrong.
I can’t believe all you wanted was my body, I can't believe you would want my body at all.
You say you love me, but then we don’t talk for months. It’s not your fault I know.
I received a call telling me you were missing, my world stopped.
I couldn’t breathe and I was crying.
I was sobbing wondering if you were truly gone.
Hating you because I thought you had run away and left everything behind.
I thought you had left me. Did you leave me?
Is it over? Should I let go of you and leave you behind?
Should I leave all the conversations and promises behind and pretend they never existed?
SteffyWeffy Sep 2016
I need to know that two people can be happy together forever.
I want to see a couple who makes it, but is also happy.
I remember when I was little, I use to hear kids talk about how their parents are divorced.
I always said to kids, I’m lucky I have two parents.
But what kids didn’t know is that there was screaming and yelling.
Kids and teachers didn’t know how unhappy I was growing up because of my parents.
I was unhappy about a lot of things, I shouldn’t say I was unhappy solely because of my parents and how their relationship was.
I have never had a good example to lead me into the right direction, I never had a couple I could look up to and say I want to be like that when I grow up.
The relationships I have had fail because of one thing or another.
Every kid needs a good relationship, a good example to look up to.
I can’t say I have one and that might be why everything seems to crumble and fail.
SteffyWeffy Sep 2016
This room has so many memories.
My cousin and I use to play games in this room.
I remember getting all the junk food out of the kitchen and spreading it across the bed in this room.
I remember waking up in the morning and trying to pick out what to wear out of the closet in the room.
I remember when no one was home, I blasted the music and danced in this room.
I remember being excited the first time I saw this room, it’s beautiful.
My mom painted this room, she painted it orange and yellow.
With hand painted flowers on the wall.
I’m scared to change the room; I’m scared I will forget what has happened in this room.
But, things change and it is time to make this room different.
This is my last night in my old room full of beautiful and sad memories.
I can make new memories though.
This will be a good change; this will be a fresh start.
Hey everyone, I'm sorry I'm posting this late. I hope everyone has had a good day today! I have been so busy, I have been cleaning out my room and giving a lot of my stuff away that I don't use anymore. I'm getting it ready for painting the walls tomorrow :)
SteffyWeffy Sep 2016
I listen to music wondering if I will make it.
Will I make it another day?
I close my eyes and try to imagine my future, I see nothing but darkness.
I wonder if I will live a long life?
I’m fantasying a lot about death these days.
I need to relive this stress.
I try to distract my mind from this pain.
I sit with my parents and hear them talk about their day.
They went to a few stores, I didn’t go.
I didn’t want to face the world today, I couldn’t not today.
Maybe I will go somewhere tomorrow.
I think about how my parents would feel if they knew I cut, I need to tell them.
I’m putting it off, how do you bring up something like this?
I have to tell them; I have tried recovery.
I can’t do it alone.
I’m hoping they will understand.
I don’t want to hurt them; I don’t want to cause them more pain.
I’m ****** up, they have had to do so much for me already.
I wanted to be a good kid.
I don’t want them to regret their choice of adopting me.
Because I feel like my mom does regret her choice of adopting me.
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