I've been denying,
but the fears are multiplying.
Picking at my brain,
and maiming my interests.
all I can think about is the way you smile,
and the way you talk to me.
I fee like a fool for falling into your soul,
cause I'd never be good enough for you.

You're the queen and I'm the jester.
You're no saint but you have me caught in your halo,
So won't you let me into your heart.

The feeling I've held onto,
but locked away inside my heart.
Tearing me up cause I know,
How you really feel about me.
This hope that I hold onto,
Stored inside my lungs so I won't scream.

Our brains suddenly changed,
and our shadows drew pictures on the walls,
Pictures depicting death and the intricacies of dying,
Promising life is a lie to us but promising death is easy,
Our youth consisted of rhythm and hope,
Could we bring that back, well, I can't answer that.

Several rooms above our heads,
Could sever all our limbs,
Then stuff them into our mouths,
To keep us from breathing,
But before then we'll sprint,
Getting out of the way.

We're getting tied down,
Onto metal doorways,
That break our heads with the repeated words,
like nothing ever before,
Some of us give up and some just fight,
Throwing hands while holding onto paper memories,
We want to be something,
So fight we will do.

I hope everyone's expectations of me,
Are thrown right back in their face.
I hope I never find someone to love,
And everyone learns to fear me.
Cause I'm fear-ridden myself,
So why should I deserve love?

There's this bomb fragment,
Left overs in my stomach,
From the last time that I nearly died,
And the feeling that overcame me,
I don't want to feel again,
But I truly believe I will.

I better be dead before I'm fifty,
So I don't have to see the end,
I better see God and flip him off,
Then go on to haunt my loved ones,
Cause then they'll think I care,
When really I just want to scare them.

The rust spreads every day,
I'm dying at just the thought,
That maybe I'll spend my money,
On something completely useless,
Or maybe I'll drive into a ditch,
While completely blackout drunk,
Maybe then I'll regain my senses,
And find company with someone's gods.

I'm not going back to the time,
When I slept over at Motel 6,
I won't dare to dream of riches,
Cause then I'll lose my humanity,
I'm not going back to the time,
Where I passed out on the family couch,
Thinking that was the last time,
I'd ever see my mom's face,
I'm not going back to the time,
Where my step-daddy hit me,
Over and over again,
I can't stop this endless churning,
Of grief and mindless decay,
So pray that I make it,
Another painful day.

::
It feels weird to be alone,
With nobody else in my home,
Can you see the scarecrows,
Lining up to take my gold,
Their greedy, beady little eyes stare through me,
And into the treasure behind me.
With every ounce of my being,
I know I cannot let them get to the pile,
Of all the things I cherish,
I cherish the gold the most,
So don't doubt me when I say that you mean so, so much to me.
::
::
The scarecrows taunt me,
Saying that things will always go wrong,
I can't trust anything that enters my head,
Even my own voice,
So I'm sorry if those scarecrows start to scare you,
Cause they scare me too,
And I don't want to lose you to their vice-like grips,
When the sun begins to set,
The shadows in the corners of my room grow,
Then their eyes begin to glow and teeth grow long,
Somehow they sneak past me as I'm paralyzed in fear,
The voices sink into my treasure,
Tearing it apart one by one,
What do I do?
My eyes have fallen out of my sockets,
I'm doubting everyone I've ever known,
I remember there's a gun in the room next to mine.
::
::
The sun rises and I'm awake again,
Shadows gone along with the scarecrows,
My treasure is intact, but where did my head go?
I don't miss you and I don't care,
This isn't right,
And I realize that the scarecrows never touched the treasure,
but ripped through my body like fresh meat,
Eating through my core while hissing doubts into my veins,
I'm sorry, God I'm so sorry.
Find me and I'll love you again.
::

I'm in the back of a white van,
Don't ask me how I know,
I just do.

I think I've driven this van before,
The driver is inches away from the cliff edge,
I ask if he'll drive it off,
he responds, "That's up to you."
I don't understand what he means,
But the cliff seems to enticing to pass up,
The bottom is a mystery to be unfolded,
Even if there's nothing.

I'm in the back of a spray-painted black van,
Why don't you ask me how I know?
I spray-painted the van myself.

I know I've touched the steering wheel before,
The forest at the bottom of the cliff obstructs the end,
I order him to drive off the cliff,
he responds, "That's up to me."
I understand why he said what he said,
The end is something to stumble upon,
Not forced,
Even if there's nothing there.

There's water in my palm,
It's reassuring and keeps me warm,
Even so,
I find myself falling,
Falling into a hole,
I had promised myself long ago,
not to get myself trapped into.

The water tempts me forward to see the rest of the sea,
But I can't take my eyes off of the water in my palm,
Why won't it hurt me?
I'm just as greedy as the rest,
I need the water in my hand,
To feel whole again,
The water has my back and I have it's.

Then again the sand, pulls it back again,
So maybe I can see the ocean from the water,
But my eyes are drawn back,
To the water in my palm and I sigh,
Giving up on regretting the feeling,
It's only hurting the water in my palm.

There's water in my palm,
It's keeping me safe and sound,
Even so,
I find myself falling into it's puddle,
Falling into a hole,
I had promised myself long ago,
not to get myself trapped into.

I can't imagine
becoming a part
Of the working class.

The burden of a schedule
And the thought of mental decay
Hurts more than when my step-daddy hit me.

Cause at least
that pain,
was temporary.

I'm expected to fray at the seams
Until my hair turns gray
'Til I'm eligible for retirement
If at all.

Forty hours a week
That looks pretty ******* bleak
Especially when you think
That the lasts one
Are sick of their ******* lives.

So I guess
It *****.

I'd rather die
Than become the working class.

I'd rather be brain dead and in a mental ward
Being spoon fed and *** wiped.

Don't ******* patronize me.
I know what it's gotta be.

I'm not stupid
I'm just learning everything.

Nobody even taught me.

I heard it begin ticking,
Counting down, a time bomb,
One I knew would tear us apart,
Might have been too much too soon,
But maybe I got caught off guard,
Couldn't manage to breathe enough.

Dinner suspended over the chasm,
A final farewell to all I loved,
Can't find the way to vocalize,
Can't handle how deep you might go.

I tested my strength, found a weak link,
I'm the problem and I must say sorry,
There's more out there, better than me,
Deflect, turn down, as softly as I could.

Dinner churning over the darkest night,
A final goodbye, sadness in my eyes,
Can't find if you saw my wound cauterize,
Can't handle how deep you could've gone.

The bomb ticked down,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1,
There it had blown,
Fear that they'd find,
Find out who I believe I am,
Am I who I say I am?
Am I who I say I am?

Title me, your poem,
I'll tell you who you are and who you were,
I'll tell you all the people who live and die,
I'll tell you about your strengths and weaknesses,
Title me, your poem,
I'll describe your eyes,
I'll describe your mind,
I'll describe your hands and the way they move across the words.
Title me, your love, your creation.

Standing under the trees
Under the canopies
It's a symphony and your voice is leading

I can't take credit for something I did do
I'll just hand it over to you
Maybe you'll grow and become famous
Then I can watch as you smile and laugh at Mr. Lake

Standing under the trees
Under the galaxies
It's the big bang and our voices caused it
          
I am dying with every step
I am dying with every breath
but the last part of my soul still lives
The part that lives for you

Standing under the trees
Under the sheets
It's the next chapter and our hearts are It

Good men don't fall so hard, so fast,
But I can't resist so guess I'm a fool,
I've done bad things to myself,
I don't think you'd care to deal with me,
My bones are weak and afraid,
Cause I know if I say a word.

You'll turn away,
Find another place,
To build your home,
I'll be alone.

Look what I've done to my voice,
It's broken beyond repair,
The only thing that speaks now,
Is my heart,
So please,
Understand what I mean,
When I say.

You'll turn away,
Find another place,
To build your home,
I'll be alone.

Hear what I've done to the angel on my shoulder,
His wings are broken and tattered,
The only thing I hear,
Is the demon speaking clearly,
I know instantly that I've lost my heart,
To you.

You'll turn away,
Find another place,
To build your home,
And I'll be alone.

Listen, I'm not saying I'm gonna **** myself.
Cause I'm not.
It's just fun to think of ways I could die.

Maybe a murderer could choke me to sleep,
Or a boulder could crush me softly.

A car could come veering and SPLAT!
I'd die today!

Could a bear rush from the woods
and make my head a pancake?

Or maybe Thor will strike me down
showing me that I was wrong.

Either way,
Either or,
Whether I die tonight,
From a stroke at midnight,
Or I live to see the morning,
And sigh cause no one's mourning.

I could...
Have a ******* birthday party
To be poisoned by my enemies!

Well that'd be a funny tale
To tell the distant relatives.

There's no way to know
Unless I spoke to an Oracle
To which he'd tell me that my fate
Lies in the gun in the garage.

For when a deranged hick
Comes barrelling into my home!
And sticks the barrel of the gun,
Right into my mouth.

BANG!

My eyes on the floor,
My cheeks on the walls,
My hair and brains decorating the couch.

Either way,
Either or,
Whether I die tonight,
From a stroke at midnight,
Or I live to see the morning,
And sigh cause no one's mourning.

Potholes, I'm swerving in and out,
Botched lips, hooked on tripping n' falling,
Taught ya', that you're perfectly alright,
The way that you are.

Stop the sound of unsatisfaction.

Passenger seat, I know that it's you,
Asking her again, "Talk to me again, dear."
Massacred eyes, the confusion doesn't scare me,
Cause you're the best that I've got.

Stop the sound of unsatisfaction.

Unwell boy, went to the acute again,
Sell everything, this stress will be undone,
Now yell, I won't watch myself fall,
so I will hold onto you.