She tastes
of clichés
and words
that I
like to
swallow

her cherry
chapstick
lip gloss
that I can
still feel
against me
dried like
blood
against my
subtle skin

she had
breathed hot
in my ear
and I
could still
feel the
heat in
my
undulating
chest

she smelt
of summer
sun
that shone
in my
eyes and
blinded me
but I
got used
to

she let me
hold her
let me
see her
vulnerable
and open

she tasted

so good

I’ve seen myself in the mirror.
it’s one thing to acknowledge your existence,
and another to question your place in the universe.

I sleep with the television turned on.
While I scream, it drones.
I don’t think I’ve watched a minute of it in the last three years though, I’m glued to my phone.
We’re glued to our phones.

I don’t yell much anymore.
Lack of living has beat the life out of me.
I’d worry about what any of this means, but being chemically inbalanced means I’m prospectively challenged.
So I don’t worry about it.

Maybe tomorrow will be different.

Where am I
I’m lost
Yet I must keep moving
This feels right
I could be wrong
There’s no time for thought
For the confusing
What do I do
If I get scared
Who will help me out
Out from this hurt
Out from this rut
Save me from the drought
Do you really know me
Can you see the roots
My capabilities
My weaknesses
You don’t know the truth
From where I sit
Inside my head
Behind my hollow eyes
Naively
I see you
As my pathway
Also my demise
You’re dangerous
You’re heaven sent
You are full of flies
A plague upon my heartstrings
A plague upon my mind
I liked how I felt when I first arrived
But now, constant dismay
I sentence you to gallows
Until I know what way
To make my peace within this jungle
I inhabit each day
Freedom
Such a silly word
I doubt I’m really free
You’re only here to fix yourself
Replace the memory
The bell rings
I peek through the latch
Throw myself back
The doorway rocks and screams
They’re here to serve a lifetime sentence
This is all a dream

I’ve been drinking last night
I am not proud
It didn’t end up well

But
After such a long time
I felt like I belong
Somewhere
I could talk
And I did
I kissed, I laughed
And today I don’t remeber much

I’ve asked myself many times
Why do I do this?
Drink until I can’t control myself
For such a long time
I haven’t known the answer

But I know it now

Well, it is easy
To lose yourself to alcohol
To forget everything
Especially who you are
To become someone else
And I like it

I like to be that loud girl
Who does what she wants
Who doesn’t care about opinions
Who kisses whoever she likes
I do like that

I LOVE being wild
´Cause that’s the exact opposite of my true self
That’s why I drink