I've been stuck in this paleness
this fear-of-sun white that betrays me when I'm tired or ill with undertones of black in my eyes or green on my skin.
I've been avoiding the tan lines, the strappy sandles, the tank tops and short shorts which will betray my mother's skin
In this time I avoid beach trips with friends, and find comfort in the shade, while my friends enjoy the tanning beds and fake tans that will make them darker
They crave the melanin this country has long since hated.
As artificial is welcome as a sign of wealth
While natural is a sign of something beneath them.
Our president is orange, yet hates those that are naturally so.
I used to keep two different color foundations, one palest porcelain for the winter and one very tan for the summer.
I'm constantly asked what I am
And the word white drops from my mouth before I can stop the lie.
I'm told I look ethnic even with pale skin and brown eyes.
Asked if spanish is a language I speak at home.
I refuse to speak a word of it when asked if I know it.
People always assume
I am not Hispanic though
I am half native american
My dad left the reservation at a young age
My skin copying his
My hair and eyes too
I stay pale in this America
I will stay pale as long as I have to.