There is a light
I can start to see it
It is not dominant...
It is just a break from the dark.

i need a reason to believe my
"friends"
haven't given up on me.
i need a reason to understand why i am so unlikable
i need a reason to know why i'm always the last pick
with better
kinder
prettier
people always climbing over me.
i need a reason to understand where my qualifications for being considered "worth it"
went wrong.
i need a reason for the endless feelings of loneliness and isolation.
i need some solid substantial evidence that can help explain why the second i start trusting someone
they seem to forget about me.

is this paranoia?
is this a normal situation my mind is altering?

is this reality?
is this the way it has to be?
with being last and being left out and simply not being enough to be
included?
if this is the way it is going to be,
please just give me a reason why.

- a.g.

We talk everyday
About serious stuff, jokes and just silly memes
Yet what does it all mean?
When I get news you're the first one I want to tell
I crave your reaction
I tell you all my secrets
All my fears, weird fetishes and guilty pleasures
Open up about everything
You're a slightly closed book yet although you may not say it,
I know you inside out
I know you hide things, why you hide them and how you communicate them though you desperately try to hide it
You know me well,
Learning as time goes by

There's only one thing you don't know about me
I am in love with you

Thinking back on good times,
Nostalgia.  
I've had such good times,  with so many people,  but one person stands out.
One person who ive had the pleasure of getting to know.
So complex yet so intriguing.
We got close fast,  spoke everyday and never got bored.
The random converstaions and jokes were the best part.  Only we got it.  
I look around my room and you're in so many photographs.
You come up on my timehop every single day
You're on my mind every single day.
I will always cherish our memories.
Looking back,  I can't help but smile

Love always.  X

Mental health is something only those going through it can truly understand,
I have tried to help you,  I'm always there for you and have always reassured you on what an amazing person you are.
The love and care I have for you will never go away.
I do hope you will be okay.
Our friendship was hard. Sometimes we were close,
sometimes we might as well have been strangers.
It wasn't until the betrayal and accusations that I questioned if it was all worth it.
Everytime someone came along,  I was pushed aside,  
Not any more.

I'm a trustworthy person,  I was good to you.
You can see that now,  but it's too late.

I will always have so much love and respect for you but our friendship means nothing if you can't return that.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.

Sometimes you've got to just say fu** it,  let's do it!  
What are we waiting for?  

Everybody says 'it's all downhill from here' when you hit 21.
Before that its first kiss,  first drink,  first relationship,  first job etc..
But what's after it?  
Adventure
It's new experiences,  it's opportunity,  it's love,  hate and everything in between.
If you have something you've always wanted to do, why wait?  
Go and do it
Life is too short to regret not doing things.
Go out and live
Leave tonnes of memories behind.