Your silence tells me everything I need to know.
And yet I search for hints of your love in it.
Like a squirrel storing up for winter I hoard our memories.
Use them to fill me during this famine.
Your silence only serves to fuel my dream that we are still us.

I am down in the cave.
     Eyes open to the darkness.
Sheltered from the elements.
     But this shelter leaves me
          naked and exposed. Unable
to hide from myself.
I feel the familiar ache begin
     to rise in my chest.
Followed by fear.
     I want to run.
As I look for a way out,
     I am met by his eyes.
I slow my breath
               and stare.
It is only his eyes I see.
     But I know them.
I feel the space between us
     as an offering.
     A shared experience.
For I am not naked
     and alone in this cave.
He is there.....
     naked and exposed in the darkness with me.
Without touch
     I feel him.
Without words
     We speak.
I search his eyes.
It is then I see the flicker of
          fear.
For we both know this is a rare find.
We know the ecstasy of such a treasure.
Without moving
     We begin to dance.
The flicker of fear hidden.
Now replaced with a pleading to trust him.
And I know I can trust him.
He will not leave me alone
     in the cave when
     the wailing escapes
     my lips like a cry
     of an animal caught
     by his predator.
He will bare witness to that pain.
He will make sure it does not swallow me whole.
I will trust him and
     wrap myself in his
     steady presence.
But I know it will
     not be enough.
It will leave its' own cry.
His steadiness falters
     with this protest.
He fears I may be right.
He wants to protect me
     from that familiar cry.
He wants to run,
     but does not.
He wrestles briefly
     with his own darkness.
Words escape me and
     I assure him of my strength.
Of my willing participation
   in this space.
He knows I am accepting this gift of presence,
     but his fear tells me
     he believes me when
     I say, "It won't be enough."
That I know only love will heal this ache.
For when the wailing escapes full force,
   I will need skin on skin
     arms and legs wrapped in another........
The healing touch that comes
    from knowing where one ends
     and the other begins.
This sacrifice is one
     he cannot offer
     and I cannot accept.
Love will be the ultimate
     healing
and this cave only holds
unrequited love.
Yet we stand in the cave together
          Unmoving for now.

First it was me
Then it was we
And we became us.
In a blink it became I.
I became the other woman.
Once the object of your affection
Now just an object
An object receiving your silent rejection.
She suddenly became the future me.
The story of we.
Stealing our us.
A different kind of silence for her.
One of omission
A blanket of protection
One that kept you from feeling her rejection.
That omission of us
The love we shared
Made me the other
Now a pure love that I had for you
Became ***** and tainted
A secret to be kept.
I became the other woman
With no rights to reach out
No expectations allowed
I had to wait and wonder
While you pondered your quest
I was left alone with questions
I was left to manage all the unknowns
She became the conversation
The object of your focus
Not excluded
Left in the dark
Alone.
She became me
And I became the other woman.
Grieving alone
A secret

Swimming in this salty sea
Stings wounds to life
Once buried deep inside
Now living at the surface
Open and exposed
They taunt me
I am covered in grief
I taste it on my lips
I'm desperate to escape.
Its' vastness frightens me
Panic rises up from the sea's floor
Gripping me
I move to quickly
And become tangled in its' embrace
The saltiness on my tongue
Steals my breath
And drowns my voice
It wouldn't matter if the scream
Escaped though
Because no one is there to hear my cry.
This sea is my life
And I am swimming in it alone.

I reached for you and
found an empty shell.
When I called out
the echo of my loneliness
called back at me.
I searched and
could not find your shadow
in the darkness.
I cried alone.