I know you aren't coming back
but there is something that lacks
without you in life
as i actually wanted to be your wife

Why do you always run away?
and still why do you care?
if you still have love for me then fight for it
because all that is happening is no way fair

Make plans
and make me feel like you are my man
But if you can't do this all
then walk away and let me fall
like always you have done
making me feel like I am not the one.

I'm just your regular girl
I grow tired every now and then
Sometimes I get up when I've fallen
Sometimes I stay down and play pretend

A little game of forced smiles
And holding in the things they've said
A little game of hide and seek
Between my itching skin
And the monsters in my head

I'm always used to this
C'mon now, I play this everyday
But no matter how many times I've tried
I always lose
And, Losers get a hold of the blade

Funny isn't it?
How you thought you could enjoy such games
Lose or win, I get to play the survivor
With a couple of overlapping scars and spaces
And chances of playing another game
Of Pretend

n.j.

All I want is for everything to work out for the best.
But everytime I try to make it so my mind arrests.
Awaiting the beacon: some magic direction to walk "this" or "that" -way,
Indeed- aware expectations such as these don't ever save the day.

Bent over like a broken tree fallen head first to the ground...
Believe in something long enough for faith to twist into doubt.
Halo of repression is my crown- I am bitter below its weight,
The heaviness, like lead, a burden smothering my fate.

So calming is the serenity of her golden face so bright,
Amidst my struggles I know I can cling to the warmth of her Love Light.
She is too young, oh so un-jaded, must not sour with my selfish misery.
Her eyes: twinkling and mystical fairies sing softly songs of God's generousity.