I love that you love me
let me hold your hand
we fit like a glove see

But don't watch me cry alone in my room

You hold me together
like a ball on a string
you'll always be my tether

but don't watch me fall into my shadow

what are you upset about
I have a bad feeling
my heart hurts when you shout

and now we don't talk about our problems

you're gone most of the time
I can still touch you
but your hand doesn't fit in mine

I have run out of tears and just stare

we sit with both hearts heavy
I think we both know
I think we are both finally ready

except we both know we may never be whole

now we don't talk at all anymore
and I still think about you
my heart is still bruised and sore

but I think I can now see why you were upset

There's a sea
Separating me
From reality
And I reach out my hand
Even though I can no longer see land
I can hear you calling my name
But you're so far away

So I sink and I drown
And my body's never found
But my soul is still there
Living in dead air
I don't know where I am anymore
And I don't know what I'm living for
But one thing remains clear
You're still there and I'm still here

I need you and that's the truth
I don't know what I'd do without you
And I don't know where I'd be
If it was left only to me
I need you

If you think of no one think of me
Bc if it wasn't for you I don't know where I'd be
And I will never forget you
Bc I know you're the only one to see me through
I need you

From your wistful laugh to your fiery eyes
To the passion you wear on your sleeve all the time
I need you

So call my name at least one more time
And allow me to truly try to find
You
Because I. Need. You.

Love
A four letter word
What is love
Other than absurd
A question never asked
Leaves answers never found
Sets a limit
Said to be unbound
Ponder this question
For I'll only ask one time
Is your love
The same as mine?
How do you know
With only one word to describe
What it is you feel
What is on the inside
I can not explain
Nor can I show
This thing called love
Might as well be a hoax
I can't decide on what it is
I am so confused
I can't make sense of it
All I need is a clue

You asked me not to be angry
but understood why I was hurt
and in my dreams, I'm driven crazy
trying to escape your words

I see your face and hear your sweet voice
I see you more than I would like to
and I try to justify what wasn't my choice
and in the morning I miss myself more than I miss you

I'm so tired of thinking of someone who won't return
she won't come back, she won't share in this emotion
it's beyond the fact that she won't be here in person
but I miss her spirit her essence her beautiful being
oh god why am I here again
why do I feel again
why must I torment myself with the fictional fact
that throws me back to the fire
of desire and loss
of love and hurt
I made I promise I cannot break
and I promise I won't break
but you asked me not to hate
and without your love
where do I lay?

Who am I?
Where am I going?
Though I try to understand
I don't know what I'm doing

I'm a little fish on land
Lungs with no air
Struggling to breath
I have become scared

But no one can know
I won't let them see
There are many fish in the ocean
But none on land for me

Reading and writing at midnight
Never help me sleep
I breathe, I cry then I stop
And then start to think
Its 1am and I don’t know
When I’ll drift away
As time flies by I reach a hand
But it’s always the same
I cannot breathe
I cannot scream
I feel the words in my throat
They won’t come out
And by tomorrow I’ll start to choke
But don’t judge me
For your thoughts are your own
I won’t hold them against you
And you should know
That I stayed there
Always waiting for you
Now it’s too late
And I’ve gone away
I couldn’t stand living I the pain

a heavy heart carries the weight of more than a thousand men
and neither could foresee the path that had been set before them
and as the sky set forth a blazing road that both were scared to take
he took her hand and calmed her mind that had begun to shake

without a word he set forth the pace giving her time to try
he needed her more than words could say so he merely dried her eyes
for actions can paint a picture that the tongue is scared to say
and tomorrow he'll still be there just as he was today

but tomorrow came and he lost her hand and it came with a terrible price
for an end was sought and quickly received in which came eternal night
and though silence was found she was not and his heart did scream her name
no matter how he tried to forget he couldn't for she's the reason he came

Another year my dear
Without you next to me
I cannot hear my dear
Did you ask for me?

another prose another day
nothing has begun to change
so I in fear I write that tonight
I just may end my life

but don't dig too deep
for words are action with no air
which explains my struggle to breathe
without you here my dear

Desperation breeds creation
and I cannot forget
that beyond a desperate plea for elation
hides a concurrent twist

An overview of hidden views
never seen in daylight
Is impossible because they're often skewed
but beg for some kind insight

I see a scatterplot of scattered thought
and try to find the truth
But I grow weary within weathered thought
though I remain still in my youth

Please let me lose
Lose the ability to breathe
Or the ability to see
The will to keep fighting
This overbearing sea
I want a reason to exist
Or quite the opposite
I want to ******* die
But i dont want to quit
I want to finally be done
with all of this ****
Like theres still a reason for any of it
Please give me a simple way out
A train to derail and hit me in the mouth
Why cant i head north
when everything goes south
I'm lost in space while sitting on the couch
And its not my ******* fault
but i cant catch myself when i fall
I'm climbing up walls
I'm afraid are to tall
I built inside my head when i lost it all

I have to admit
I wanna slip
Into the dreams
In which
You remember me
Because it seems
When I wake up
You don't give a ****
It must be fair
That I don't care
So you walk by
Then I blink my eyes and time flys
And it bothers me
That I can't be what I wanna be
Or see what I wanna see
When it comes to you and me
It ended so drastically
And tragically
But unsurprisingly
I am both bound and free
To disagree
With me

I walk the same waters I once drowned in
When life ended I somehow rose again

My heart does not beat I live nonetheless
I am a human shell that still draws breath

I refuse to speak silence is a gift
I want to see but too afraid to live

I wish to write but cannot hold a pen
The paper is blank and the lines barren

I hide with my hands: my mouth, eyes, and ears
I read the same words that confirm my fears

I scream in the dark the world will not know
I hide in the drugs the pain will not show

I tend to play with the ashes
After the bridges have burned
The smoke scars my lungs
As the shadows start to lurk
I never learn my lesson
I'm always on the run
Nothing satisfies the monster
No matter what I've done

I've been up but I stay down
I've become friends with the ground
You can't save what I am
When I'm only half a man
You say left but I go right
You won't save me tonight
Maybe I loved you before
But now something isn't right

It's 2:43 and I can't sleep
I close my eyes and I can't dream
It would seem to me
I'm going crazy
My mind is covered in a film so hazy
But I must be oh so lazy
For not fighting for a chance to raise me
And lift myself
I tell myself
I have nothing else
To turn to
I lost you
I always do
I always choose
To lose
The few
The truth is
I can't do this
I walk around clueless
To the facts
As a matter of fact
When you look at it like that
I'm fading into the past
As life flies past
And goes way to fast
I wanna crash
I'll come in last
Moments go by with a flash
And it's all I ask
Not to bask
In the rays
of a sun that will be taken away
And fade
As the dark runs away
And night overtakes the day
I was too late
To play
But now it's 3
And the harder I try to sleep
The faster my mind flees
And runs from me
I won't catch it tonight
So I'll just cry
And hope for sunlight
And pray to a god who just might
Listen to my unanswered prayers tonight

I can't breathe anymore
but its not from lack of trying
I pretend people are inanimate
I always find I'm lying

I, I, I
me, me, me
******* I'm so secular and vain

Everyone has a flight or fight reaction but I just tend to freeze
I hope they hear my jagged breath when I try to breathe
The fight inside has torn my mind more than they can
and the more I fly from the fight the less I understand
so freeze me in this immortal struggle and take me as I come
I'm afraid I cannot change and if I do I may come undone

I don't dream but I'm dreaming
My throat bleeds but I'm screaming
There's nothing I can do, is there?

I love you like you so often haunt me
Without relent and with such an intensity
It's not my fault anymore, is it?

I wonder if I still cross your mind
I hope you know you still stay on mine
That doesn't matter now, does it?

As time moves on, I steady learn
My heart grows heavy as my mind yearns
You're so ******* far away, aren't you?

Goodbye past love, I can't hold on
I wanted it to work out for so ******* long
I fell and it's not dark in here anymore.

I don't care
Whats in your hair
But I'll be there
When there's a bear
And I'll fight it
But I'm afraid of the sky
Because things can fly
So i close my eyes
So the dark confines
But they find me
So in the dark ill hide
Wheres there's no light
So they cant find
Whats in my mind
Because its frightening

I don't know where I'm going
In my soul, I think it snowing
I think I'm asleep
But my dreams haunt me
So I will walk until I'm home
So why do I feel so alone

From night to day
There is a change
One that strays
From my mistakes
But I'll hide it
The sun was gone
Before this song
Came along
And tried to write the wrong
Can you guide it
My mind is lost
Due to frost
The cold can cost
For I'm, not the boss
Though I comprise him

I don't know where I'm going
In my soul, I think it snowing
I think I'm asleep
But my dreams haunt me
So I will walk until I'm home
So why do I feel so alone

Words clutter my tongue
And I don't know where they come from
Or why they're here
The speak of the darkest parts of my fear
But they tell of the good times
the bad and the worse
They tell of the last time
And the second and first
They say sweet things
But the words can also be mean
But all of these words mean so much to me
You hear my voice but not what i say
There's things i whisper when you walk away
But today is a good day
And tomorrow it will be yesterday
I lose my words and some times find to many
But there are times when I can't form any
A story in the making page by page
Another character is written as another one fades

Which of my people spoke of the lonely forest
For I the poet too feel empty and cold like a grave
I believe we mourn our dead like death is evil
But they fear strange unknown darkness

Some howl silent melancholy thunder from soul pain
Always between alone, lost, or confusion
Face this earth alone and walk by light young spirit
Echo nevermore with every dark gray storm

No man shrouds his heart come crypt
You are who was there unseen as skin is made though it is bone
Shudder shiver cry be as pale dread
Scream bitter truth whisper about a broken imagination

White raven how he did hide in cover of a black shadow
Through dusk and fly at dawn
He leaves in my crepuscular half dream
I see him here more often now so fill my mystery midnight

It's a sad day when you relaize
that all along you loved ablack hole
always taking and  noithign gained i trie= nf
as'dfihiwor____

All work and no play
seems to make up my days
as I slave away
to a concaved system of change
I wanted to grow up until I didn't
and there's a demon on my shoulder just sitting
making my outlook is bleak which is fitting
but don't mind me he claims I'm just sipping
a drink to help me think
as I blink
the world fades
into a stage
a masquerade
where we all stay
in the void
it's a ploy
that we convince ourselves is fine
if I had a dime
for every time
that I claimed I could fly
I would lift my wings and do so

I would like to bare my soul
and lie in a bed of roses
and know what it's like to fall
asleep as my eyes are closing
and hopefully, I begin to dream
it's something I forget to do
and I hope you say goodnight again
and my heart stops feeling blue

what do you do when there's a physical pain in your heart
not a heart attack just the atoms tearing themselves apart

oh how I envy those who have so eagerly moved away
please cut my ******* throat so I may do the same

can you see me?
can you tell where I am tonight?
do you hear me?
I don't know where to find my mind

I breathe in the night sky
hoping the stars will cut my throat
I never really wanted to die
but tonight I just don't know
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of lying
I'm tired so just let me go
cigarettes replace the night sky
as I **** down another smoke

It's a gross misconception that anyone's really there
I presume there's a dark void separating the reality we share
I forget if I dream but something inside keeps me there
And I chose to wake up because it's the night when I'm scared
As the moon comes up and the chill hits the air
I almost forget how lost in the void I get when I stare

The seas kept pushing a dark mist when it hit
The rocks never gave but the waves still hit
I am not the rock or the ambitious sea
I was the man on the hill with a pen and some tea

I cast a wary gaze on dreary days
Wishing she could hear me
With lifted eyes on the cloudy skies
That float forever near me
Holding broken lines of broken time
Hoping to catch a glimpse
In a ***** mirror something superior
But cant even if I squint

The rain beats down
My clothes grow heavy
My head is hard to lift
Broken glass
Lay in my chest
My mind wet red brick
I forget my name
And who I was
Before I felt the shift

I think therapy is helping. I think I finally figured out that we were always better off apart. I never was able to treat you as the queen you were and instead treated you like I treat myself, always begging for better communication, tripping over petty inconsistencies and desensitizing what it meant to be comfortable. I was always Mac and you were always Ari. While I am heartbroken, I cant blame you for the wreck. Nor can I use it to justify my reactions. It was poor timing and a case of the one locked inside his own head and the one trying to break those walls. You succeeded even though we didnt. Im grateful but still wounded. Like sacrificing an arm to prevent the spread of infection. I am struggling but will learn to live differently with this experience in mind.

please
give me the time
a humble request
but always denied
a chosen deity whose face replaced
the one from before who has since been disgraced
mangled and broken wings clipped due to fear
an angel once mighty now bound to us here
blessed with the gift of a terrible curse
whatever made me follow was never rehearsed
and I'm forever still searching for nothing I know
golden opportunities I was forced to let go
but more so over I just wish that I knew
why I was abandoned by Truth
fix me if you can for I've come unglued
not broken anymore but pieced together without clues

I have asked a question for so long I forget what it was
I think it started differently than where it is now
it haunts my tongue and stays on my mind
I can't quite put it into words just yet
I want to push more than I am
I cant gain traction here
in my frozen mind
unknown hour
golden war
never
oh