I've never ridden one
but I am familiar with Camels

I've never been there
but I see Hell when I close my eyes

you don't see me
but I wish you would move out of my mind

please just go
the closer you get the further away you feel

I still talk to myself
the more I do the more I understand

you don't know me now
but I don't think you ever tried

The past is an opaque glass
something I can see but never get through
the longer I look the less I see
but no matter when I look I find you

this universe is centered around my feet
revolving creating dust from stone
nothing I see is from your eyes
and knowing I never will, hits cold bone

my feet only run as fast as my legs
but my stamina controls them too
A thick fog inside my ill and blinding mind
I breathe in smoke hoping to make it though

sometimes when I write
the words are a struggle
but other long nights
they only cause trouble
burning holes like they're running in place
barely keeping still as if ready for a race
barely containing themselves behind my swollen face
broken and ****** and so full of disgrace
***** and lonesome like old mattress stains
and yet I still envy those who are not me

wouldn't you?

I'm not gay but I know what it's like to hide
to keep a door closed to whatever is inside
to be ashamed and afraid for no good reason
to lose yourself causing you to commit treason

but the broken are beautiful as the weak hide
those that were the cause of our demise
like ants under a glass with nowhere to run
karma comes for all of us no matter how dumb

my eyes are heavy with the weight of my words
and the longer I sleep the less that I hurt
but I see you in my dreams every once in a while
the way that you move always made me smile
until you disappear and I choke while I scream
stuck in the false hope of death they call a dream

I breathe in the night sky
hoping the stars will cut my throat
I never really wanted to die
but tonight I just don't know
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of lying
I'm tired so just let me go
cigarettes replace the night sky
as I **** down another smoke

just another cigarette break
as my hands shake
and my thoughts race
and I'm afraid
that it's too late
to save what left

just another breath
and another rest
but I don't have another left
in my hollow chest
so I detest
your value of value

I can't explain
why it rains
inside my brain
as I fade
into a claim
that tomorrow will be better