Sometimes when I'm high I float
But not too far off the ground
But at times when I'm sober, I choke
I find it hard to keep the words down

Usually, it's not bad I don't even notice
Then I'm alone and it's all that I notice

These days I barely have a sober day
Afraid of the pain that doesn't exist
Lurking in the shadows barely at bay
I chased it away and yet it persists

I fight for no man yet I am fighting forever
In fear I plan yet I haven't put it together

I change on a whim and with no intent
You can't see when I see the loathing
I challenge the fact that I am spent
With a test that I myself had not chosen

Don't second guess the choice to choose
One slip of a tongue, the question is who's

The place I seek is cold
It's dark, damp, and silent
A place the devil sold
For it contains the most violent

Before I broke my mind
I could not find this place
Now the deed is signed
And it rests behind my face

I hear their screams and laughs
I can't tell what is true
My heart is torn in half
By beings, my mind had grew

I walk the same waters I once drowned in
When life ended I somehow rose again

My heart does not beat I live nonetheless
I am a human shell that still draws breath

I refuse to speak silence is a gift
I want to see but too afraid to live

I wish to write but cannot hold a pen
The paper is blank and the lines barren

I hide with my hands: my mouth, eyes, and ears
I read the same words that confirm my fears

I scream in the dark the world will not know
I hide in the drugs the pain will not show

I'm pretending
I'm descending
In a pit of comprehending
Of why I'm condescending
And I'm infuriating
And debating
Whether its blood that I'm tasting
Or just the time that I'm wasting
But my head is made of lead
And I collapse as if I'm dead
The thunder is louder in my head
So I wanna go back to bed
I'm painfully painting
Frantically fading
Slightly saying
I'm definitely draining

It's 2:43 and I can't sleep
I close my eyes and I can't dream
It would seem to me
I'm going crazy
My mind is covered in a film so hazy
But I must be oh so lazy
For not fighting for a chance to raise me
And lift myself
I tell myself
I have nothing else
To turn to
I lost you
I always do
I always choose
To lose
The few
The truth is
I can't do this
I walk around clueless
To the facts
As a matter of fact
When you look at it like that
I'm fading into the past
As life flies past
And goes way to fast
I wanna crash
I'll come in last
Moments go by with a flash
And it's all I ask
Not to bask
In the rays
of a sun that will be taken away
And fade
As the dark runs away
And night overtakes the day
I was too late
To play
But now it's 3
And the harder I try to sleep
The faster my mind flees
And runs from me
I won't catch it tonight
So I'll just cry
And hope for sunlight
And pray to a god who just might
Listen to my unanswered prayers tonight

My mind is diluted
And polluted
By the fact that I'm beaten
And the bruises keep forming
As my demons come for me
And I may seem to be deplorable
Maybe it's the chloroform
That makes me forget what I write for
But no matter where I hide
They will find me just in time
To keep me from trying
Trying to find
A place inside my mind
That is mine and only mine
So I just lay in defeat
Broken and beat
But I'm on the edge
Of a ledge
And I'm stuck here screaming
At the sun for beaming
When all I fear is the light
So bright
I want to hide out of sight
But I can't do that now
I have forgotten how
And it blows my mind
What I find
When the sun shines
And if I can't hide I'll run
I will run from the sun
Like a bullet from a gun
But it's no fun
It's not a game
Today's the same
As yesterday
And I'm ashamed
Can you save me
If I say please
Is it honestly
That **** easy
And if it was why is it not
Because as soon as I ask the magic stops
And now I'm doomed
To a life of gloom
And despair
******* it's not fair
But somewhere
And somehow
Some time other than now
I will find me
And I will find peace

I have to admit
I wanna slip
Into the dreams
In which
You remember me
Because it seems
When I wake up
You don't give a ****
It must be fair
That I don't care
So you walk by
Then I blink my eyes and time flys
And it bothers me
That I can't be what I wanna be
Or see what I wanna see
When it comes to you and me
It ended so drastically
And tragically
But unsurprisingly
I am both bound and free
To disagree
With me