When I am breathing

I get no attention

But when I am not

I have everyone’s affection.

Icarus was too cocky,
He flew to high,
And then he died,
All because of the sun in the sky.

Everyday is a struggle
Each day harder then the last
A voice deep down inside taunting me
Telling me to relieve the pain, the stress
To do what I am prohibit
To cut myself
I try to ignore it
But it gets stronger and stronger
Its my worst fear yet
I gave in, I start to cut
Seconds later I’m in pain
I let myself down
I gave in to my fear
I let it take control of me
The voice deep down inside
Everyday is a struggle
Each day harder then the last

Sometimes I look at my wrists
And see the scars
I've  fallen with.
One by one they accumulated,
From hardships
To heartbreaks
I knew I shouldn't,
But i did
And now I sit here and think
This will happen again
But this time I'll cut too deep,
And end it all in a blink.

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always there
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons can't be seen
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

So on the bridge she stood
About to end the fight
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night

Nobody Cares.


In a room,  alone
In the dark.
Thoughts spin
Around and around,
Never stopping,
Water dripping
A millimeter
A fraction
Won't even account for what's about to happen.
Life flash,
Deep ****,
Lacerations on her wrists
Something's amiss,
But life goes on
While she just fades away into an abyss.
Fake smiles,
Dead eyes,
Long sleeves,
Someone dies.
But who's to blame
No of course its not us,
Its never us.
Dead or alive no one cries,
To end a life,
By our side.
One by one
They all drop dead,
We could have avoided this if only we said,
"Hello my name's Haley how are you"
You could have saved a life
But its to late now their dead.
Soulless eyes,
Closing lids,
They just want to be free,
So let them live,
To see the sun,
To hear the birds,
To feel OK again.
We could have saved them,
But were greedy,  
Were selfish,
We think of only ourselves.
But to think to end a life is not a lie,
But in fact its the only truth.
Well in their eyes,
Its not a lie its a final goodbye.

Thoughts are like waves I'm not even writing this down on paper to look over it but there's my thoughts in a poem

Thoughts are waves
That pass us by
Some are happy
Some are sad
And some make us wanna die
The ones that go mostly through my mind
Are a mix of all
My cat disappeared that makes me sad
But the memory's make me happy
Then I realize she's not beside me and that makes me wanna cry
When I'm sad I go to her
But now there's no where to go
She was my lifeline
She was my vest
And now she's gone along with the rest.


Thoughts are like waves they just come and go
I think of her and then I let go
I believe  she'll come home
But in the mean time
I'm alone

Anger. Pain.
It's getting harder to hide
All the feelings I've built up inside.

It's hard to explain
Without being considered insane,
So I've kept to myself
Until I realized I need help.

Even the weekends seem to be a chore.
Putting a smile on my face as I walk out the door.

Wanting to run away,
But where can I go?
Around people or not, I still feel alone.

I cry all the time now.
I used to think I was strong.
Now it's a struggle just to hold on.

To make it through the day
Without an odd look my way
Or someone asking me if I'm okay.

But maybe it will do me good
To let someone help if they could.
Just one hug is all I need.
Just one person that cares is all I plead.

And then I might get through another day
Of waiting for my anger and pain to fade away.

You should not cry
For they are gone
But to be happy
That they were here.

He's nothing much but fur

And two round eyes of blue,

He has a giant purr

And a ****** mew.

He darts and pats the air,

He starts and ***** his ear,

When there is nothing there

For him to see and hear.

He runs around in rings,

But why we cannot tell;

With sideways leaps he springs

At things invisible -

Then half-way through a leap

His startled eyeballs close,

And he drops off to sleep With one paw on his nose

Life *****

That's the way it is

But what makes it count is what you choose to do with it

Whether you change the world using paper and pen

Or keep those words to yourself when your world is breaking

They're yours

And nobody else's

And when you give them the access

To your soul, you admit it

That there's something there

Deep inside of you

That you need to release

Even though you are fearing

The world

And its constant judgment

Because they've told you before

That your words are nothing

Even though the best poets

Only speak the truth

Of what they feel in their hearts

That they're scared to move

Because in their past

They thought they had something to lose

Because they let everyone else

Decide what they got to do

But being a poet isn't about society

It's about being real with yourself

And sharing that privacy

For the people out there who are all alone

Who feel like they're trapped in a corner

Because they've got no hope

They feel they're going under

From waves meters high

And in their state of shock

Have forgotten how to get by

So when life *****

I just take a deep breath

And take my broken heart out

On this paper and pen

Because there's someone else out there

Who has it worse than I

And maybe if I show them me and what's inside

When they think bad about life, it could help them change their mind.

Take a turkey, stuff it fat,
Some of this and some of that.
Get some turnips, peel them well.
Cook a big squash in its shell.
Now potatoes, big and white,
Mash till they are soft and light.
Cranberries, so **** and sweet,
With the turkey we must eat.
Pickles-yes-and then, oh my!
For a dessert a pumpkin pie,
Golden brown and spicy sweet.
What a fine Thanksgiving treat!

The hurt in my eyes is all that has to be said
Sometimes I know I'm better off dead
The pain is the only thing I can feel
Knowing it's the one thing that's real
Behind all the games and lies
An emptiness haunts my eyes
A person who I used to be
Worse even though it wasn't me
Sorrow consuming every thought
Slowly losing everything I've got
Darkness closing in all around
Still I don't make a single sound
Evil fills the void inside
This life's not one I'll confide
However deeper someone tries to look
Whatever happens the ground has shook
The dread and hate leaves me in a daze
All around me demons fires blaze
Living isn't worthwhile if its torture
Yet it's that to which I'm not sure
Don't try to understand the words written here
For I'm not the one to fear.

I hear wailing.
Great ships are sailing
Into your arms; and nevermore
They port on any shore.

Ghost of the mist,
Keep your ancient tryst!
Back to the lone lanes of the sea
Slip silently

I close my eyes and you haunt me
this image I can't bare
I hate this world that surrounds me
when I felt you near

I hate the way you touched me
who the hell gave you the right
to treat me like you wanted to
to take advantage of me every night

I was only 8 when I felt your touch
of your ugly hands that I hate so much

I never knew why you did this to me
why was I the one no one believed
you felt me feeling stupid and shamed
somehow you made me feel I was the one to blame

did I really deserve this from someone I trusted
I thought you were my blood but it was my body that you lusted

I close my eyes and you still haunt me
this image I cant bare
I hate that you still surround me
even though you're not here

Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low, I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs, and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free.
So I ask you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing is not right.

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad.
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival.
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival

I drew jagged lines on my wrists and thighs.
With a blade sharper than a butter knife
Sometimes I would lay in bed all day and night, longing for a better life.
My days were a light switch, flipping from one side to another
One day I would be laughing around with my brother
And the next I would drawing jagged lines, one after the other.
Some days I recover and feel better
Some I break and crying like no other
The day’s move on and my heart aches more, when I’m wishing for something more.
Some one to save me, someone to care.
Some one to help me, someone who was always there.
It use to come in a form of a person would love me no matter how much I was torn.
Today is the day, I am four months into recovery. Not one person came to help me.
No white knight on a mighty steed, just a girl who needed to see.
That the only one to save me… Was me.

I awaken to a piercing light,
A burn on my skin,
The sun in my eyes,
I look over and see something white,
I shout,
I cry,
Just stop it alright,
Then he jumps and runs away,
That freaking furball with his gray,
Always knocks down my curtain,
In vain.
I don't even understand what I did,
He just wants to torture me while I'm in bed,
He better be happy with his tailless ****,
Cause I ain't  gonna be happy when I get up for lunch,
He's annoying to me,
Always in my curtains,
But its OK,
Cause next time he'll be my curtain,
But the reality is,
He's all I got,
Even if I have to associate with his lot!

My sir Abbadon.