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 Oct 2016 Riot
JustChloe
The fire
 Oct 2016 Riot
JustChloe
I used to sing about a girl with a fire inside of her
As a kid I always craved the flames
Wanted them licking and my mind
At The very essence of who I was

I craved the heat they created
The warmth I could surround myself in
That others would run from

Now I became that girl
But my fire got out of hand
Like a forest fire all I needed was one dead branch
For my flame to devour
Till everything started to go sour
I was burning on the inside
By the flame I craved
The heat I once  controlled
Started to capture me
The warmth imprisoned my mind
Until it started to shake my body
My fire was suppose to be something i loved
Little did I know
Flames can't love you back
They just take you
All of you
Until only a shell of your self is left
They couldn't see he fire...
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
We have a desire to matter
To be remembered
To have a life that was more than the standard
Work to die
Or always be dieing to work
We live wanting more than average
But won't take the big risk
Because if they don't work out
You die
So we all strive for the middle
A secure life where we are truly happy
And mean something
To someone
Anyone
It's a roll of dice
But I will ask you one thing
How do you expect to be remembered
If all you do is work a 9 to 5
How do you want to be the greatest writer of all time
If all you do is just enough to survive
It's not going to be easy
But it will be worth it
Because you will finally find joy in your work
Until you aren't working anymore
So it's really a roll of the dice
But the it will never roll in your favour
If you don't try
You think you know love when you feel your stomach filled with butterflies.
You think nothing is the same once you feel them fly.
But one day you'll know love.
Although those butterflies will die.
They'll be replaced with little kicks
That turn into a freshly mopped floor covered in tiny muddy footprints.
True love is slow to anger.
And it's crazy how your little one is part you and part someone once a stranger.
With whom you now share a heart.
That lives outside your body,
adorable and smart.
Now imagine, another little one your lover brought to you. Part him and part stranger but the Stanger isn't you.
Imagine, if you can,
You love them both the same.
Such perfect little boys
They will bring you many joys.  
But also much pain.
Sometimes it feels like a push and a shove.
But I promise you one day,
you will know love.
It will not sound like the "I love you"
That your mother used to say.
Or any of the sweet lies from before she gave you away.
Or the love HE tried to show you when he snuck into your little bed.
It won't feel like any
untruth that he put into your head.
You won't make your parents mistakes
Because these boys were sent to you from your Father from above.
So even when the thought shakes you,
Don't be scared to love.  

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Sandoval
 Jul 2016 Riot
N
Nikola
 Jul 2016 Riot
N
Your tiny hiccups break
the silence of a room full
of mechanical people with their
perfectly rehearsed
Cheshire Cat grins
and
I move like a marionette puppet
that had too much coffee
except
this interruption in my system
is caused by the
electricity
that surged through
my stomach
when we locked eyes
so now I feel
sick
but in an oddly pleasant way
I'm sure
Tesla would have been so
ecstatic
about our spark
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
A poem a day keeps depression away
Self expression makes it all okay
Emotions aren't that scary
When you let them out voluntarily
A poem a day keeps depression away
I guess I better start writing
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
Help me
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
I stopped creating
For a long time I didn't make anything
I wasn't writing
Singing
Dancing
Or Expressing
I was depressed
But didn't know it
Smiling through it
I lost myself
And that's scary
I lost my self
And didn't care for thinking
It was bliss
But a false paradise
Seriously
That struck fear inside my body
I'm stuck here trying to figure out
What's wrong with me
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
Why
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
Why
The real reason I don't go to the doctors about my mental health, is because I'm scared they will tell me nothing is wrong.
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
My Friends
 Jul 2016 Riot
JustChloe
I'm friends with the kids who smoke cigarettes
Instead of marijuana
The ones who drink vodak
instead of margaritas
The kids who wear all black
And pick pocket lighters
The ones who find home under bridges
And Mark them with graffiti
I'm friends with the kids who go to jail for joy riding thier parents Jeep
And not for getting into fights
We don't sleep at night
But instead we ride
Midnight fries at McDonald's
And 3am confessions
I'm friends with the weirdos
The druggies
The kids who listen to halsey
Before we listen to fetty
The kids who go to prom
Just to sneak out the back
And you may hate us
But we don't care
Because I'm friends with the people who are free
I'm friends with people who are happy
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