They say to finish what you started

Does the same go for the Suicidal?

Never in my life have I wanted someone to stay
But now I do
And he doesn't want too

I
Lost
Myself
Somewhere
In
The
Fire
The
Burning
Felt
Good

It's okay if you hurt me

It's okay if I hurt myself

It's the only way I can feel something...

You
Are
So
Broken
My
Darling*

When he whispered those words to me I immediately hated him

And I will always hate him

When the heart is wounded one will begin to doubt everything
And then nothing will feel like it's okay

Internally stuck between

I want to be numb so I can't feel anything
&
I want to be hurt so I can feel something

I cry at night because I feel like I have no one
I'm terrified of being alone
Yet when someone's tries to be there for me I push them away
Because I don't feel like I deserve them

I feel like the more I tell him I want to be with him
then one day I'll open my eyes and he'll be there

It hurts having someone tell you your not good enough

But you know what hurts even more...

Knowing you will never be good enough

I'm like a volcano
Soon I'm going to erupt
And destroy everything in my path

I once read a quote that stated people accept the love they think they deserve

But what about the ones who don't accept love at all?

How sad it is to think you're little less than nothing

They say everyone has a story
And there's always people who want to hear it
But let me tell you something about mine
It's not a story
It's real life
It actually happened
And I'm haunted by it everyday
People expect others to just tell about our faults and tragedy like it's nothing
Like it's something sad from a story book
But it's not that at all
The pain
The battle
And the struggle was all very real
You can't just take words and put them together and expect it to be a story when it actually reality

How do I explain to people that when I say I'm tired I don't mean I'm sleepy
I mean living is exhausting and I need a break
But that's just it isn't it?
I can't explain it to anyone
No one will understand
The darkness I lost myself in has me chained and I will not fight for freedom
I'm weak and fragile
My demons refuse to let me baptize myself in the happiness that everyone seems to be drenched in
And the worst part of it all is my peers think I'm happy
They see my smile and hear my laughter
They are blinded from my trembling lips and deaf from my screams
And don't get me wrong I know I'm not the only one
But those who suffer as I am fail to realize it's not just sadness
It's so much more
It's like I'm burning alive with no one to save me
The struggle is unnoticed
And even though I have so many people who care about me I feel as if I have no one because the person I want to be here for me isn't
This battle to live when I want to die is breaking me
I only live so the one I love most won't feel alone
But that loved one fails to realize I'm suffering most
I just need the drugs and the pills
I'll spend my days smelling of ciggerates and sleep
But forever isn't promised and the bridge is sketchy
If I fall just know I held on as long as my insanity let me

It isn't easy for me to just let it go
Because I swallowed every single word

Sometimes when my heart is aching
And I'm all alone
I like to hold my left hand out and pretend God is holding it
So then it's like I'm not completely alone