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Rachel Mena Jan 2017
A final breath
And comes the light
My soul to You
It takes its flight

This light I see
I’ve seen before
When on my knees
You, I adore

Within the sun
Of shining gold
Behold the One
Who holds our world

Through the Son
Is to the Father
He holds my hand
And leads me farther

Into the light
Into the Host
Accompanied by
His Holy Ghost

He pulls me home
Within the light
A familiar feeling
A glorious sight
Rachel Mena Oct 2015
I was in a white space, of infinite planes
I was searching and seeking, my heart was in pain

There was a man standing there, my movement he barred
As I noticed his hands, two heart breaking scars
I continued to strive to peer around his corner
But, the stone, the man gentle, his face was familiar
Each time I put effort to look for the good
He redirected my gaze to where he stood

I need better, not this, I need the best
But there was no competition, there was no test
For holding me close, was the Sun of all Sons
The One who surpasses, the One who overcomes
The One who is holy, and wholly just
The One who I know, I always can trust

The East and the West held me close to His heart
In one instant I knew, I felt there no part
The better I looked for did not exist
For the best held me close in this moment of bliss

So why did I seek for something more?
For my previous focus, was distracted, was poor.
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
This is not my home
But a road I used to know
Painted in a different town
With different streets and ways around.
I close my eyes and slowly breathe
As the memories begin to weave:
A country store, and long walks
Snow-covered trees, and deep talks.
Days like these I start to miss
The feeling of freedom and pure bliss.
But if this street can find a way
To the place where I must stay
It may be a simple sign
To let go of home and redefine.
Rachel Mena Apr 2014
I don’t know why
but I get a feeling
in my chest
that it's coming
that something bad
is coming
I feel it
caving in on me
and the air is heavy
and I can not breath
but it’s coming
I can’t see the pain
that is coming
but I feel it
all the hurt
it's coming
I don’t know
or who
or when
or what
or what on earth
will happen
I wait
for this thing
to come
and take
my final breath
take me to my death
take me far away
this thing
I know
it’s coming
I don’t know
how to stop
its coming
its coming
its coming
it's here
it's here
it's here
the air
is gone
it's here
the thing
*it has me
Rachel Mena Sep 2014
You were that for me
a little bubble
that encompassed me
everywhere I went
And it did not matter
I was with
so long as in the back
of my head
I knew you were there.
You were my comfort zone
my safe place
you were the reminder
that I was accepted
as me.
And now that's gone
and I am
helplessly trying
to recreate a mentality
in which I can survive
and accept myself.
But this time
my home will
not be
inside of somebody else.
I will build walls
around myself
with open doors
and open windows.
There will be no key
for there will be no lock.
Therefore I will
give myself the option
to put the key
in someone's hand
that is not mine
Rachel Mena Apr 2014
There are
              no more poems
                                         I have written
                              for *you
Rachel Mena May 2014
And years ago
They fought
They fought for the basic
Every human
Of race
Or gender
They fought
And we said no

And now we are embarrassed
By the pain
And the hurt
And the suffering
That we caused
But we can’t take it back
So we pretend it is not there

And years ago
They fought
And today they fight again
And we cause pain
And hurt
And suffering
They fight and we say no

Years from now
Our humiliation
Will be harder to mask
The face in the mirror
That you see
That has caused
The pain
And hurt
And suffering
Will not be beautiful
It will not be what you expect
All because you said no
To a right
Every human
Regardless of
And sexuality

This is not a war
Of your God
Or their God
We do not stone
The man and woman
Who divorced
We accept it
And move on
That judgment
To God
Why can we not do the same?
Does Matthew 7:1
Not say
“do not judge,
or you too will be judged.”
So why
Does this continue
Only to one day be
As obvious as a choice
As it was to give freedom
To every person

Because this cannot be
If we are not all
Rachel Mena Nov 2019
Reach out and seek His hand
The day has turned to night
Darkness impairs vision's skills
Let Him be your sight

Even in the night there is nourishment
Even in the dark there is growth
The hope of morning perceivably far
He is with you as you go

Loneliness surrounds
As deep as night's despair
Can someone who seems so far
In this all be near?

As dawn begins to glow
Misted eyes of dew
The journeyed body's painting
Old has turned to new

Even in the day there is suffering
Even in the light there is pain
Illuminate all these miseries
Beloved, He calls by name
Rachel Mena May 2014
I miss some of you
I miss the first date you
With sweaty hands
And nervous laughter
I miss the are you cold? you
Your comfy coat that smells like you
And arm around my shoulder
I miss the prom night you
With your unshaking gaze
And dancing all night
I miss the mission trip you
The ever praising, ever loving
God gave me you you
I miss the lets take a walk you
With the honest talks and
Tears from both of our eyes
I miss the lake picnic you
The only you that I could open up to you
The let’s wear pajamas and funny hats to the movie theatre you
The  drive my jeep you
The poem writing you
The hand holding you
The hugging you
The nose kisses you
And the honest you
I miss some of you
I miss what I thought of you
But if I had known
The honest you was not an honest you
And the I love you repeating
Over and over you
Were not true
Maybe I would miss all of you
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
Glass is burned
and melted
and molded
and melted
and molded
And again
And again
Until it reaches its final form
Sometimes the glass is molded for beauty
Sometimes the glass is molded to be put to good use

And sometimes
the glass breaks.

Maybe the glass
to the ground
and shatters into pieces.

Sometimes the pieces can be picked up
and reformed
new patterns
and new designs

But sometimes you cannot save this glass.

despite the fact that this glass was never finished to be
something beautiful
or something useful

It was once in the process.

It was in the process of becoming more than it was.
It's whole life
it was in the process.

Despite the fact that nobody had the chance
to stare at the beauty of this glass
or use this glass to hold their flowers,

to the glass blower

it was beautiful.

He saw it in its most fragile state
during its most beautiful times
He shaped it


every curve

every corner

was deliberate.

Despite the fact that this glass was never used for its intent
it served perfectly
to the glass blower

it was beautiful.
~for my beautiful sisters~
Rachel Mena Jul 2014
I am lost on nights like these
When a sudden rush collides within me
A hushed whisper at the back of my mind
That causes a ripple more forceful than time
A simple reminder of a simpler fact
That this world is nothing and I am of that
And if I can be of something whose worth has no prize
Then where do I stand on this list of grand size?

These nights leave me breathless- as I sink deeper away
Yet visually moving much further astray
My body may sink but my soul rises high
As I see through the view of a little bird’s eye

From the heights we are merely, a speck of dust
Incapable of emotions, no hatred, no lust
And if only distance can cause this view
It must be time for this world to work for something new

No longer to crave to be the greatest being
But to aim past the dreadful sense: seeing
No longer to care for physical things to hold
But to desire to leave your own touch, your own mold
To know that this is not a piece of clay
But an action, a thought, a word that you say
That may change a life and ripple to more
Each leaving a mark or opening a door
That allows more to enter without having to knock
We are now moving mountains, not pebbles, not rocks

If we all work together for a greater one
Then maybe, just maybe, this world will not be done.
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
And then it just happens.

It just

There is nothing you can do or say about it.
It just happens.
When it’s time
It’s time
And we
Have no say in it.

We cannot choose the convenience of an hour
It just happens.
We cannot choose
Or why
Or who
It will hurt.

When it’s time,
It’s time.

It just happens.

But maybe it doesn’t just happen.
Maybe you and God
Have a conversation
About what’s going to happen.

Maybe He invites you to come home.

He takes you by the hand
For one
Short sleep and says
“This is where you get to be,
But don’t worry,
All of those souls you loved on earth,
You can still see.
And someday
They will be here

He ensures you
One last hug
One last kiss
One last I love you

Maybe it doesn’t just happen.
~for my beautiful sisters~
Rachel Mena Nov 2014
Don’t be so ******* yourself
Give a gracious gift
And feel your load lift
Your shoulders are now light
My, look at all your might
All that you can do
By trusting in more than you
By giving it up to Him
As he forgives your sins
Even when you can’t yourself
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
nothing > love > money > nothing
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
I am sorry I cannot save you, too

But I cannot lift you to the boat

while I am treading water
Rachel Mena May 2014
is pure bliss
When on my lips
you plant a kiss

*(And I do not know where your mouth has been)
Rachel Mena Nov 2019
Sudden turns
You come first
Change your mind
Ignore the hurt

On or off
Night or day
Black or white
No room for gray

A kind word
A falling tear
Paralyzing fear

No time for dawnings
Or colored days' turnings
Evening shade
Or rising mornings

Gradience dies
Contrast is born
Shadows black
Against the sun

Tidal waves
Desert dry
Every low
Every high

Sudden turns
You come first
Change your mind
Ignore the hurt
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
We cannot grasp infinity in our minds

Yet we hold in our heads that we are

We forget we are *not
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
And then it hit me
I was still waiting
I was still waiting for an apology

I was waiting for a small
Sign of regret
Of repentance
Of realization
That you messed up.

It wasn’t until this occurred to me
That I realized this was what
was holding me back

this was what was
keeping me
from moving on
from growing up
and growing past you

But I do not need your apology
I do not need a sign from you
Of regret
Of guilt
I need you gone
I need you out
I need you to leave my mind
And to stop entering through the smallest spaces in my thoughts

When I can get past this
When I can leave you behind
Then I will grow
I will lead
Not only myself
But others
To happiness

When I stop waiting for your apology
I can become the bigger person

And I will.
Rachel Mena Oct 2015
I am restless
and constant
unable to pause

I am fearful
and lost
without my Lord

I am running
in circles
and thinking so short

I am lonely
and useless
My will has no sort

I am peaceful
and worthy
Your will is my fort

I am running
straight forward
and changing the world

I am joyful
and loved
when with my Lord

I am passionate
and moved
unable to pause
Rachel Mena Apr 2014
Do not allow
yourself         to be
a product
                              of your generation
but rather
let your generation
    a product        
                   of you
Rachel Mena Nov 2019
My heart has seen the day
That my eyes have only dreamed
But now as dull as clouded sky
My heart misses your beats

Focused on within
Distracted from without
Cluttered minds and sleepless nights
A fumbled distant bout

My heart has seen the day
No longer met by sight
Muted colors faded tones
In this all, You're right

My heart has known the day
In this I must hold tight
When fickle feelings come to play
Reposture towards His might
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
Every stranger you are passing
Take a look at who is laughing
Who has eyes of golden brown
And whose are fixed upon the ground
Who gives you a nod, or a slight smile
Whose shoes have seen a thousand miles
Who links hands with their better half
All you notice in a simple pass

Who is happy, who is depressed
Who is kind and who's a mess
Whose day is going bad or great
This is all a simple fate

For each and every face you see
Could appear in your dream
Maybe because God wanted them there
Just for a moment, or maybe for years.
Rachel Mena May 2014
There occurred a dual
Between my instinct and you
About a world behind my back
Of which the light it utterly lacked
It was so dark that even your eyes,
what your hands did, could not visualize

But of course your brain knew
What you allowed yourself to do
And as you lied straight to my face
I watched it all leave you, goodbye to your grace
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
look at where my feet have been
they will not stop
there is no end
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
Won't you please just let me be
Please just leave me at my own peace

Won't you please just go away
When I say leave, I don't mean stay

When I push with all my might
Do not fight back, it is not right

When I stop and start to cry
Try not to look me in the eye

Do not try to fix my life
You were not the glue, but the knife

Say goodbye and let me go
Accepting all you do not know
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
I am guilt ridden

I can never do enough
I can never be enough
it is my fault

so here, I sit and shake
my clumsy bones tremble

but please
do not worry about me

I will save myself
if only I can find the time
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
I stare as they carry her out
She had been fighting, suffering
for so long
it was only a matter of time

I can only mourn for so long
as I continue on with my ever losing job
I turn to walk as the cat crawls out of her room

The next day, the old man
who used to call me by his daughter's name
passes after his favorite time of day,
4 o'clock
when the sun just begins to grow tired
and the wind picks up
with night's righteous fall

I pray a short prayer for the man who thought I was his
I turn to continue on with my ever losing job
as the cat rubs against my leg

The next day there is a visitor
room 303
there is yelling and harsh words
thrown back and fourth
and when the visitor leaves
there is silence
complete silence

I plead to the Lord that the visit will heal from this loss
if it were a loss.
I turn to carry on with my ever losing job
as the cat jumps in my way
and hisses

The next day is peaceful
there is no commotion
and no emergency calls

It is closing time for my ever losing job
I turn to leave my office
and the cat sits in my threshold
staring at me
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
Time is irrelevant, some might say
It takes the meaning of life away
We move too fast and forget to stop
As the hands move on the clock
We race the time and neglect the rest
And forget to look at what is best
Time moves too quickly and too fast
Before you know it life has passed
So let's throw out this thing called time
And focus on things like love and rhyme.
Rachel Mena Dec 2014
A simple crash is all it took
To encourage a nervous and curious look
Into the bathroom where my mother lay
A blood bath around her, in the middle of the day.

Oh honey, please just look away
You should not see this, please do not stay.

Self-help never works, I could finally see
As she covered her tracks, her eyes never leaving me;
But the evidenced razor lied on the floor
And the pile of pills poured out by the door.

Oh baby, please do not let your father know, too
He wouldn’t understand, the way that you do.

And all of my words held deep inside
Hung on my tongue, my lips were dry.
All of the times you spoke only through words
Left me so confused, viewing life backwards.

You are beautiful, and just so pretty
it is the inside that counts, don’t be so petty.

Oh but momma, can’t you see
How do you expect me to love me?
When you have so much hatred towards yourself?
Enough to clear off the medicine shelf,
Enough to starve, binge, and purge;
You always told me to have some courage.
Enough to cut into yourself: thin and long lines;
You always told me, we would be fine.

But how could this painful sight be so?
Please bow now, mommy, an award for your show.
Disclaimer: This is not a direct representation of my life, by any means. This is fictional and something that came to me randomly.
Rachel Mena Mar 2014
In their hearts human plan their course
but the Lord establishes their steps.
And although He hears what we say
there are only three answers:

                        not now,

                                    and I have something better.

You are my something better.
Rachel Mena Apr 2014
The greatest misconception
of poetry
is thinking
the poet
means something more
than what they said.
Rachel Mena Apr 2014
She was far away
In some distant land
In her head
One only she had the
Endurance to navigate
I am an artist of geography.
She would tell me
On the days
She was deeper in
The jungle of her mind
Than she usually was

But I wanted to save her
So I sent out
A search team
To find someone
Who was not really lost
Either way nobody
Could find
This girl.

One day
Years later
There was a knock
On my door
I still have not
Reached the pacific,
I am trying
To find the limits
Of this land
In my head
But I have yet
To find the coast.
I am trying
To make a map
Of my mind
And when I do
I will paint you a copy.

But you are limitless
I wanted to tell her
no map could encompass
the capacity of sheer beauty
that your mind is

But instead
I watched
And I let
Her walk back
Into the jungle
Rachel Mena Feb 2013
The world is on fire
and it's all our fault
We thought we could escape it
But it seems we've been caught

The world is under water
It's drifting deep within
You see a shark is coming
But you forget to swim

The world is caving in
Upon its young and old
They all tried to warn us
Through the stories told

The world has disappeared now
We've destroyed beyond repair
There's no way left to fix it
Does a soul even care.
Rachel Mena Nov 2019
Which direction does peace take
When who you love is at stake
When divided roads become the foe
Of all the heart does not know

One step alone to leave the rest
Can the soul withstand this test
Not out of fear, reason, or hate
But discernment guided from heaven's gate

With decisions of love and freedom of choice
Comes a quiet whisper of a quieter voice
Love could mean coming, staying, or going
Regardless love will mean a peace in unknowing

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid."
-John 14:27
Rachel Mena Sep 2016
I ask for peace
and You hold my hand.
I ask for mercy
and next to me You stand.
I ask for truth
and I drink from Your cup.
I ask for love
and You show up.

You say You are faithful
though I do not believe
for I ask for all these things
but You say You're all I need.

But when I picture peace
is it not Your hand in mine?
And when mercy is my desire
is it not a craving for Your time?
When truth is in question
do I not yearn for Your Word?
And when Love become the answer
is that not found in You, Lord?

You tell me You are faithful
as I begin to see
that all these things I long for
are all that You would be.

— The End —