Home is where I can curl up in bed
And recover from the world outside.
Home is where I can hear a calming timbre
And feel the chill of panic subside.

"Let's go home," take me home
I can't survive around all these people.
Can I go home, let's be home
What I can't predict is inherently lethal.

I want to ***** but I never ate.
I haven't breathed, I'll suffocate.
I'm hot and shaky, I'm shivering.
I'm gasping for air, I'm dying.

I forgot about reality, to be honest
Forgot how terrifying the world can be.
I forgot what it was to see others
I forgot what "living life," really means.

To live life, for me, is constant terror;
This city is made exclusively of rapists.
To live, for me, is to die before they catch me;
Every person is a murderer, a theif, an arsonist.

I was so comfortably wrapped in the cream of the crop
I forgot that other humans do live and exist.
I hit so many things on my long trip down
That seeing reality rationally is hit and miss.

I want to go home; where casual racism isn't an issue
As long as I don't open my door.
Where no one wants to hurt me, or scare me
In my little kingdom beneath the first floor.

I want to go home where I know what will scare me
Before I even pass it by.
I want to go home where the world doesn't remind me
About that knife, and death, and whys.

I want to go home. Back to the devil I know.
I am lost and unprepared.
I want to go home where I can live by not living
Locked in my room and so terribly scared.

I want to go home.

I can almost imagine how red you get
At some of the things I've said.
The way you fumble for words and
Get flustered, it's adorable, my favorite.

It's the tiny explosions of tingles
That erupt in my spine, legs, and chest
The words you say-- I can't respond--
They're cloying, saccharine, my favorite.

We'd both argue we're better, more apt than.
(You win, this time, whatever, I guess)
Got to have this competition, got to have the race
It's revitalizing, livening, my favorite.

I'd ignore a comedy to hear your laugh
It's contagious, it always brings me with.
I'm a buffoon for a single chuckle
It's addictive, amazing, my favorite.

And it could be silence that wraps around me
And it could be that razor sharp, sassy wit.
It could be questions and answers and information
But it's you foremost, so lovely, my favorite.

It's unwarranted; I know everything is fine.
                                   stop checking and they'll stab you from behind
It's my personality; I'm inclined to mistrust.
                                           just when you feel safe it'll crumble to dust
Just because it's happened before...
                                          only fools don't listen when they're warned
I'm happy now, I'm just looking for a penance.
                                         with good comes bad; there must be balance


I'll talk to the therapist, he'll know what's wrong
                                      aren't you afraid he's just leading you along?
He's there to help when I'm feeling stranded at sea!
                               of course, and foremost, he's there for the money
I've never thought any of this, I'm not the kind
                                     yes you have, it's all at the back of your mind
I just want to know why I'm thinking these things again.
                             just like the last time, it's the beginning of the end

I'm talking to myself, I've lost my ******* mind.
                                               we already had this discussion last time
I'm actually sitting here poisoning my own brain.
                                            Or, maybe, you're saving your life. again.
I'm listening to paranoia like I haven't already dealt with it.
                           boxing it, me, up doesn't count as dealing with ****
........I'm scared.
                                                and that, exactly, is why we're still here

I'm safe here, I'm just fooling myself, right?
                    absolutely, but i'd check every door three times a night
If no one can get in, I'm totally safe.
                              well, there's the people already inside this place...
My mom would never lay a hand on me.
                   of course not; nor would your brother, so option three...
This is ridiculous. The stupidest thing I've thought yet.
                         that's what everyone says right up till the first threat

I'm not going to deal with this.
                                                          tha­t's fine; you'll be sorely missed
I'm grasping at straws and it's pitiful
                                                         ­  or perhaps, **** near insightful
I'm going to sleep, I'm stronger than this nonsense
                                   but you sleep so deeply, where's your defense?
I hate this. I hate this. Why am I thinking this ****?
                       *it's because you're right, you are, you ******* know it