a week ago on sunday
i witnessed my brother marry
the love of his life

it rained

and it was beautiful

and it reminded me
that life is short
and wonderful

and maybe i should start

living instead of writing poems.

maybe i should start
taking wonderful opportunities
with you.

I felt his tongue following my curves.
I heard his soft moans.
I felt the pleasure passing through him.
I could sense his want and needing.
I couldn't contain myself.
I didn't want to.
I let go.
I failed.
I'm not me.
That changed me.
Forever.
It also made her her.
She is my baby.
My child.
My life.

I'm sorry for that one time.

i want you
to color me blue,
baby live with me in our lie
dance under the beautiful sky
but only for one more night.

then i would leave
you won’t really believe,
you wouldn’t understand why
and then i say goodbye
and leave you all behind.

you would fast move on
but i would think of you till dawn,
i would live in my own lie
dance under the dark sky
but baby i would end it tonight.

will you ever remember me
while i’m swallowed in the dark sea,
i will be forsaken and forgotten
and i may be rotten
i want you

They said that that broken people created the most beautiful things.
Maybe that’s why my parents had created me.
I would have called myself a china doll.
But then, you came along.
Then, you,
You.
And all of you together,
had me broken.

Touching a china doll is a sacred act.
As a six-year-old, that is a difficult concept to grasp.
While you ravished me, made me your wealth for five years,
I didn’t even know my worth.
But when I knew, I was already eleven-years-old,
you were rich; had no use of me anymore.
And I was scratched.  

Then came you,
when you did, I was already at an edge.
I had forgotten what it was to be expensive when,
all I think about is the scratches on my body.
Thus,
You barely touched me, and I was on the ground.

I often think, I let the last of you happen.
Whilst being cracked on the ground, it’s hard to be expensive.
So, I didn’t scream.
I didn’t object.
I sat there and took it.

But, I was on the verge of finding my gold,
to piece me back together again.

Now I need to start over again.
I am coming for it,
when I do, I will piece myself back together.

When to cry?
I wish I could die.
Breaking through the walls
Running through the halls
Wishing you were here
To hold me in your arms
As I let my emotions flow
Letting the tears go
Falling softly on your back
As you hold me tight
Vision going out of sight
Can't see, can't hear
Only feel.
The love coming from your heart
Breaking me apart
How I love you so
But you let my feelings go
As I cry and scream
Am I in a dream
Coming back to reality
You don't love me.
It could never be.