Take me back to the timber,
     the BB guns and ****** forts.
Can you still remember
     all the fights you made me thwart?
Or are you so beyond
     the rules we comprehend
that our lonely little pond
     is now hard to understand?
I think I let you down;
     to put it modestly.
I should've been around
     to save you from the endless scream.

Fever dreams of foreign wells
where lucky coins cast magic spells.
Avoid the snakeman's pretty words;
full of charm, the truth deferred.
**** this forever-feeling winter -
Dull heart, numb hands, feeling splintered.
Nights spent crying on your own.
I should have answered the ******* phone.

Now it's too late -
too late to try.
Under this weight,
can't wait to die.
You were betrayed -
trade places with me.
You should have stayed,
so trade places with me.

Shortened blade of sharpest wit,
too proud to beg, too proud to quit.
Took the beatings, soaked in rain,
stood ever taller - **** the pain.
I was so proud of how you'd grown;
no man's man, only your own.
But you loved that ******* -
again too proud to beg or quit.

Now it's too late -
too late for hope.
Under this weight,
how the hell can I cope?
I could've saved you;
why didn't you share?
I should've saved you;
I should have been there.

My little brother,
my torture and peace,
my favorite anomaly,
you'll never decrease.
The wounds in your heart
should forever be healed,
and one day I'll find you
in the Elysian field.

In this sorry world we have,
few try to make it better.
You did it by not following the
spirit of law,
but choosing sometimes
to follow the letter.
Your unwavering honesty
and living your own truth
helped build the reputation you had
of being perfectly uncouth.
You were giving, loving,
calling everyone to stay in touch.
Your pranks will live on,
but I must admit that
they could sometimes be too much.
From cooking to drinking to
all your social charms,
from tanning beds to dancing
to hilariously rude alarms,
everything about you is now missing
in our lives -
whether stealing tens from grandma
or giving nieces and nephews fives.
Your brightly glowing freedom
and unbridled care for all
should follow you and serve you well
along this last and lonely hall.

No more rhyming. I love you, little brother.
And I miss you terribly.

A boy from Alabama
wanted to go and see the world.
He found himself in California
going stupid for a girl.
She was lightning, she was sunshine,
she was more than flesh and blood.
He wanted her to notice him
and he did all he could.

But he was shackled by the vows he'd made
to the one from home
and they had kids together;
he couldn't leave them all alone.

A monster's life,
his world of lies,
and he'd give up every part
for a chance to break
the liar's chains
he's wrapped around his heart.

He finally got the girl's attention
and they became good friends.
Sharing laughter, telling stories,
he wished those nights would never end.
The laughter led to kisses,
and then to what he thought was love.
He was standing on a cliff
and he was waiting for a shove;

He just didn't have the courage
to jump all on his own,
but he'd started to regret
all the nakedness he'd shown.

The coward's wise;
the coward tries
to protect every heart
from the pain he'd cause
by blasting off
and making a new start.

In his mind,
in another time,
he stands for truth
and he walks the line.
A broken bird,
his heart's in thirds.
Up on the roof,
his final words:

"This Alabama boy got to
love and lose the world.
Stupid, stupid, childish boy,
that California girl
was a tempest, was a temptress,
and she's rotten in your blood."

He took himself right to the edge
and said goodnight for good.

The monster's gone,
the coward's home
in his dry release.
There are no tears
for unlived years.
He's finally at peace.

When you first walked away,
I was so sure I would die.
But I made it through the days,
and then, all alone, through the nights.
And now, as time goes on,
I find I smile more and more.
Yes, you are long gone.
But I'm never locking my door.

Oh, I know that I can go on
without you,
and I know that I can breathe in peace,
and I see that I can think
not about you.
It's just more fun with you here with me.
My days are no longer gray
like I was used to.
The clouds have gone away; the sky is blue.
Oh, I know that I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.

I still hear your laughter.
I still see your face everywhere.
And so, dear, what comes after,
now that I'm just half a pair?
I guess I will soldier on,
horizons before and behind.
And then when sets the sun,
I'll hold onto hope because I find

Oh, I know I can go on
without you,
and I know that I can breathe in peace,
and I see that I can think
not about you.
It's just more fun with you here with me.
My days are no longer gray
like I was used to.
The clouds have gone away; the sky is blue.
Oh, I know I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.

You left a mark
on my lonely heart,
a deep notch that no scotch could fill.
I know that in time
I will be fine.
From dawn to dawn, I'll go on, I will.

I know I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.

I love wrong.
I do a lot of things wrong,
but love should not be one.
I want to be worthy of you,
and I know I won't be until

I
fix
me.

All this time,
I've accepted you
and wanted you to be
just the way you are.

And now I apologize because
I have not offered you the space to be
just the way you are.

You are not me.
I am not entitled to your time.
You do not owe me attention,
but I have pressed.

You do not love the way I love,
and that is good.
You love in your way.

I have been selfish and insecure
and needy and demanding and impatient and I'm sorry.

I want you to love me, yes.
But more, I want to love me.
If I do not love me,
I cannot love right.

I do a lot of things wrong,
but love will not be one.

And now what?
(now nothing)
Self-saboteur,
unhappy with being only unhappy,
will you not stop
until you are completely miserable?
(i do not deserve happiness)
Will you continue until
nothing is good and
your company is avoided?
(i do not deserve goodness or friends)
Why do you so strangely insist
on thwarting contentment?
(i do not deserve to be unbroken)
Why will you not love you?
(i am unlovable)
But we care, we do care.
(then you are wrong)
We want to see you smile.
(only poison comes from my mouth)
We want to see you happy.
(you are not listening)