Leave my heart
You're tearing it apart
And you sit right in the middle
Taking down the walls
One for every two I build

Leave my thoughts
Because you occupy every one
And if you stay I'm gonna hurt someone
But I think I already have

Leave me please
Because I can't bear my feelings
But even if you do I might not be able to

I don't want you to go
But you hurt me

I don't want you to go
But you use me

I don't want you to go
But this is unhealthy

So as much as I love you

Please just leave me

And don't return
When you miss me

His eyes flicker with fear when you reach a hand out
But you don't notice

His eyes flicker with worry when you hang with other guys
But you don't notice

His eyes show love when you smile his way
But you don't notice

His eyes are peaceful when you hug him
But they are also showing a paralyzing fear
You still don't notice though

You make him feel peaceful when no one else does and your laugh erases his fears
But you don't notice

His stormy grey eyes and gentle hugs make you feel wanted and worth something
But this isn't a love story

For her demons consumed her one night and now shes gone
And he never noticed her pain for she was a master of deception

Reading in the night
With just a lil bit of light

I start to think
Is it really my that he likes?

Or is the person in the book
Who seems very much like me
Right?

Is she right when she wonders
If it's just who
He seemed to first be

Because things seem to be fading
Much more than growing
And that's not something I can bare

So tell me
Is it me you like?

Or did you like my first presence
That shone much more bright?

Look at me
No
That's not what I mean
I mean really
Look at me and see that when you look me in the eye
All there is are forbidden tears
Look at me without long sleeves
Then maybe you'll see the harm I do
See
Don't just look

Because you seem to think I'm fine
And you ignore all the pathetic lies
You ignore me because

"I'm fine :)"

But what does I'm fine really mean?
It means I'm begging someone to care
I'm begging for love
But I can't say that
I can't show that
Because if I do

"All you want is attention"

But no
I want genuine
I'm sick of fake
I'm sick of people seeing how bad my arms now are
And just saying

"I'm sorry"

Like that helps
But it doesn't
Because I'm sick of pity

All I want is someone to hold me
Without saying a word

I hate you
I HATE you
I HATE YOU
I wish to scream in your face
I wish to scream until my voice is erased

But you're also everything to me
Everything in me
SCREAMS
I love you
Dont go

Although you dont love me
The way that I love you
Or you wouldn't ruin me
Everytime we get back
Together

You care more about your satisfaction
Than my emotional reaction

You cheat
You lie
You hurt me
And lay it all down in a pretty disguise

You love me
You take care of me
You keep me alive
But it's you I despise

I HATE YOU
But please
Stay here

It washes my emotions away
And make me feel free
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

I hold it in my hands to numb them
And it makes me feel at peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It drips down my skin
And soothes me deep within
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It holds me close
And makes me feel less alone
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It heats me up all over
And sends my body into overload
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It makes all thoughts disappear
And leaves me breathless
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

The thought of it sets me at ease
And fills me with a weird sense of peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It counts as consent
Because I never said no
But my mind was screaming
Please stop
Just go

It counts as consent
Because I didn't push you away
But my eyes were pleading
And trying to say
Go away

It counts as consent
If I don't say a thing
But you ignore the pain
And the fear in my eyes

You don't care for me
You just want to look at my body

So please just go
Leave me alone

I just wanna be fully safe
100%
Just for one day

But you want your support
From a *******
Just like before

You ignore how I feel
Because you wanna believe
Everythings fine
And that I'm happy

But if you really cared about
ME
You'd make him go away
You'd make him
LEAVE

I just want to be able to sleep
But you already chose
A *******
Over me

Soon you'll no longer be mom
If you keep
Choosing them
And ignoring me

I'm scared
That something
May have happened
To you

So in my heart
And in my head
I cant stop wishing
And whispering
For you
To please
Say no

At this point
Even if
Its a lie
I'd rather you say no
Then have to live with knowing
That it happened

AGAIN

Because it seems as though
These things
Like to follow me
Wherever I go

So if I make myself look sick
Look hurt
Look unappealing
Will you leave me alone?
Will you leave me be?

I dont want to feel this way
So strongly again

So please
Say no

Hello
This is my introduction
Of me

My name is that of a flower
My name is Daffodil
A choice made by
My mother

I was born when all flowers bloom
Into the world
When all things warm up again

My past isn't bright
Like the month I was born
It's dark and cold
As if I was stuck in a never ending
December

Regardless of my past
I remain resiliant
And hopeful
Of all the things to come

My favorite colours are
White
Pink
And orange
But I walk the halls wearing mostly
Shades of yellow

I have many friends
And blend in among all types
Of crowds
Shining bright as can be
Spreading sheerful smiles
Among everybody

I tend to tuck myself away among friend groups
That have already been established
They appreciate my company
For they say I keep the pests away
With my cheerful display

I have unfortunately earned the nickname of daffy
But people say they like it
Because it dulls me down a bit
And apperently I need that

So hello
This is me
I hope one day we meet

You linger there
In the back of my mind
Like a ghost
Held in by time

You linger there
Trying to push your way forward
Urging me to think
About
YOU

You linger there
But I don't want you to

For everytime I let you forward
I start to smell your scent

For everytime I let you forward
I start to feel your presence

For everytime I let you forward
I'm rendered
Silent
Unmoveable

For everytime I let you froward
You haunt me

You linger there
Taunting me
Haunting the darkest corners of
Me

The dark is me refuge
Even though the dark is where many bad things happen

People love in the dark

People hurt in the dark

But the dark is still my home

The dark is where some people do harsh things

Some people smoke in the dark

Some people **** in the dark

Some people steal in the dark

But the dark is still my home
Why?
Because no one can see me break down in the dark
Because when everyone else abandoned me
The dark held me in it's arms

Because even though people hurt me in the dark
It was still there for me more than anyone or anything else

So the dark is my home

You have decided you no longer
Want to know me

You say I'm too much
You say you feel
Like ****
When you're around me
So you've decided
To leave

I'm devastated
But at the same time
I'm relieved
And I dont know why

Maybe it's because I won't hear you
Telling me all the things I do
That are wrong

Maybe it's because I won't hear you
Telling me how I make you feel
And that
Its not good

I won't hear you say
"You don't make me feel okay"

I won't hear you say
"I dont want your help"
Because if I help you
Then you'll want me around

I won't hear you say
"You're too much to handle"

I won't hear you say
"You get in the way"
When all I do
Is try to help you
Except for when im really not okay

I won't hear you say
"I'm sorry, I can't help"
When you never even tried

So yeah
Maybe I'm relieved
Because I can finally see
That you were toxic to me

Maybe I'm relieved
Because I can finally see
How you truly treated me

If I ignore the hugs
The cuddles
The butterflies
The smiles
The walks
The holding hands
The peaceful nights

I can remember all the times
That you treated me like ****
And they exceed the ones
Where you didn't.

I sit here and I think to myself
Are all the versions of me
Just captured pieces of the same personality?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and River
Could see all the same
Would they eventually feel less pain?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Keara
Understood one another
Would we learn not to hate?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Rain
Could see eachother
Would we still be the same?

I sit here and wonder
What may happen
As we each grow and change

I sit here and wonder
Once we can all see
Feel
And communicate
Our pain

Will
I
Still
Be the same?

Laying on the bathroom floor
Staring at a ceiling
That i wish would fall away
And reveal an empty space
For my thoughts to float away

Laying on the bathroom floor
Remembering you
And what we once were
Remembering you
And knowing we're no more

Laying on the bathroom floor
Soon to be eighteen
But wishing I never made it
Past age twelve
When I first tried to drown
In the forever darkness

Laying on the bathroom floor
Wondering how
Anyone could love me
And not wanting it to be
Anyone
But you

Laying on the bathroom floor
Wishing to never be touched again
But craving the warmth
Of your arms around me
As you whisper
That you love me

Laying on the bathroom floor
Knowing I'll never be yours
No matter the words

I'm just another broken soul
Drifting through life
On one last piece of hope

I grasp onto that one last piece
As it pulls me along
And drags me forward
Even when I can't walk

It drags me along
And bruises and breaks
As it goes along
Dragging me across every bump
And every surface

I'm drifting away
From this place
Drifting away
From the space
That I occupy

I've got one last piece of hope
But its leaving me
Bleeding and broke
As I drift away from

Reality

I drown as I gaze
Into the endless blue
Of the sky

I think of all the poeple
Possibly doing the same

Thinking about this
Thinking about that
Thinking about everything
And nothing

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you thinking of me
As I think of you

As you stare into the endless blue
Do you think or heartbreak
And what could have been?
Or do you think of love
And what is?

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you sad
And lonely?
Or happy
As you can confidently say
"I have someone to hold me"

Everyone who spirals
Into the endless blue
Will spiral into thoughts
About everything
And nothing

But the question is
Are you happy
Or depressed?

I sit here on the floor
Waiting
Just contemplating

Should I call
Or should I not?
Because I don't want to wake you up
And I've already called once
Today

I sit here and I wait
Hovering over the button
Hesitating

Should I call
Or just suffer in my silence
Because if you don't pick up
That's how It'll be anyway

But the chance
That you might Just answer and talk
Makes me sit here and hover

Because the sound of your voice
Already makes me feel better
And you know just what to say
To make me feel less sad
To not feel as bad

So I'll sir here and hover
Contemplating
And just
Waiting
............

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the strongest wind
Could knock me down

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the biggest waves
Could drown my thoughts

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the darkest nights
Could hide my smiles

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even my worst thoughts
Could hide my feelings

When I'm with you
I feel as though
Not even the harshest rain
Could dampen my emotions

When I'm with you
I feel as though
I can be free

I feel as though
I can be me

I feel as though
My hearts no longer trapped

For when I'm with you
I feel as though
Anything could be

Inhale me like a drug
As you take me into your lungs

Caress my skin
The way that you caressed them

Blame me for your addiction
To my skin
As you spit out the words
That you dont mean
But continue to say

Blame me for the way
That you cannot get enough
Of my touch

Drive me insane
With your addiction
To my name
As you place
All of your blame
Upon the things
That I say

I say I'm alright
I say i'm okay
But you don't see the smile
When it falters form my face

You see the happiness
And the laughs you hear
But you're not there when I start to fear

You're not there when I question
All that life
Is to me

You're not there when I question
What it means
To be

I say I'm alright
I say I'm okay
But really deep down
I'm starting to decay

There's you
and there's him

He makes my insides
feel as though
they are on fire
and a storm has set in

You make my insides
grow butterflies
and feel as though
a calm has set in

He makes my face flush
with embarrassment
and pleasure

You make my face flush
with shyness
and warm weather

He humiliates me
and it makes me want
his touch
to a new degree

You praise me
and it makes me want
to stay in your arms
forever

He likes me
but he doesn't know yet
to what he's agreed

You love me
but you don't yet know
what that'll mean

I love him
and you

But my heart burns with a completely different passion
for him
then for you

For he's a gentle storm

And you're a chaotic summer

I won't leave until you tell me
That you don't want me

I won't leave until you find
Saying my name
Exhausting

I won't leave until you
Let go of my hands
My love

You make want to write poems
About you
Until my hands fall apart
Crack
Bleed
And break

My love for you is the kind
That poets read about
In the middle of the night

It's not pretty
Or wholesome

It's not magical
Or perfect

Its raw
Dripping red
It makes ur throat close
Steals your breath

It's not pretty
Or wholesome

It's not magical
Or perfect

It grips
It claws
It smiles
It laughs
It cries
It sobs
It dances
It sings

But most of all
It stings

It stings in all the right ways
It stings in the back of the throat
In the middle of your thoughts
In the front of your heart
In the corners of your eyes
And all over when you shiver
From the depth of how it feels

My love for you is not the kind in love songs
Or movies with happy endings
My love for you is not the kind in fairytales
Or plays with depictions of forever

Its raw and it bleeds all over the place
Affecting everything with a clumsy sort of grace
It closes off your throat and makes you breathless
With every kiss and every held down tear

My love for you is beautiful in the way of poetry

I will forever write about you
My love

I will forever cherish every smile
Every touch
Every word
Every intamate act
Every kiss
Every laugh
Every hangout
Every frown
Every tear
Every fear
Every thought
Everything about you
My love

I will forever wish to call you mine again
And if I get that wish granted
I will never let you out of my sight again
My love

I will whisper your name into every single section
Of my body
And my brain
"My love
My love
My love
My love
My love"

I can feel the damaged emotions
On the tips of your fingers

I can feel the whispered silence
On the cracks of your lips

I can taste the wasted innocence
On the tip of your tongue

I can feel the gentle heartbreak
On the smoothness of your chest

I can feel the damaged distance
On the edges of your words

You aren't perfect
And you aren't a beautiful poem
But you are what I've fallen for

I want to feel every inch
Of your heartbreak

I want to feel every second
Of your whispered truth

I want to feel
All of the broken
That you hold within

I want to take your broken soul
And hold it all together

I want to feel it on my lips
And on the tips of my fingers

I want to feel it in my heart
And as you run your hand along my body

I want your heart next to mine
Even if it's a disaster

As I sit here and watch you play
My heart plays
A tune of its own

My heart plays a tune
That rings out
I love you

My heart plays a tune
That says to
Stick around

My heart plays a tune
That hopefully
Means something to you

My scars are my story

My mind is my prison

My words are my outlet

My body is my captor

My actions are my language

And my love is my weapon

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That all I can do is cry
And clutch my chest
As hard as my hands will allow
Because I feel like I'm being ripped
To shreds

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That I feel the need to scream
Til I can't breath
Til I'm coughing and choking
On my own pain
And misery

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That its meltdown
After
Meltdown
Until my face is so swollen from the tears
That I don't recognize the mirror

I'm tired.
And I'm drowning
And you just withdraw your grasp
And turn the other way.

Mark my skin pricked with sin
Leave it bruised and scarred

******* lips ridden with secrets
Leave them red and hard

Touch my body marked by memory
Leave it red and carved

Take my hand ruled by demand
Leave it bleeding and broke

Take my heart
Take my soul
Leave them torn
Not whole

You heat me up and make me warm

When you kiss my skin
I love the burn

You light me up as you die down
Not even my tears can make you drown

I wanna fall asleep
On call
While I look at you
And remember everything you do

I wanna laugh with you
On call
While I smile at you
Remembering all the things
You make me feel

I wanna smile with you
On call
While I blush
Remembering all the things
You said

I wanna hold you
In person
Well I think of
The memories
That the scent of you brings

I wanna kiss you
In person
Well my mind fills with nothing
But the soothing sweetness
Of nothing

I wanna hold onto you
In person
As you pick me up
And remind me why
I never gave up on love

I'm hollowed out
From within
Feeling empty
And barren

Laying on my bed
Fading away
Into the thoughts
Of nothing
As my eyes begin
To unfocus
And everything around me
Begins
To
Fade
Away

Fading
FAding
FADing
FADIng
FADINg
FADING­

Gone

Walk with me into my brothers room
To where the cheap piano stood
Feel the scratchy carpet underneath your feet
And the keys under your fingers as you touch them gently
Remember your frustration that it lives in his room
And not yours
For you're the only person who touches its chords

Walk with me into the darkness outdoors
To where I walked the dog out among the stars
Feel your feet within the shoes you begged and cried for because boys shoes were cheaper
And the leash within your hand
The pain when he would tug and pull and the leash would drag and burn
Remember your anguish as you begged to walk him only once a day
Or maybe for less hours
For your ankle was broke and torn and walking left you powerless

Walk with me into my room
To where you had no door among little privacy
Feel your feet carry you across the hardwood floor
And your fingers grasping the standing closet door
Remember how unsafe you felt as you crawl inside
Lock yourself whithin its grasp as you beg for it to hold you safe some more
For this was your only private space
And you could lock it from indoors

I long for a place that only exists in my dreams
I long for a feeling that only resides
In its depth of unreality
I long for a place that I can't reach
I long for a feeling that I can't breach
Full and utter peace

Whenever I'm sad
Or in agony
Your voice is there
And it burns through
All of the dispair

Whenever I'm angry
And theres a raging burning fire
Of all of it within me
I feel your hand cover the flame
Snuffing it out from where it began

Whenever I feel alone
And so so cold
I feel your arms wrap around me
And your heat transfer to me
Filling all of the cold dark spaces
With spaces of your warmth

Even when you weren't physically here
The thought of you
And the burning love within
Fulfilled every lonley
Sad
Angry
Part of me
And put it at peace
Finally put my soul at ease

I started to think
That maybe the love burning within me
Didn't have to burn our house down
But merely just make it warm

Im never sure what to say to you
But I know that anything I say
Would be way too true

Lately I avoid my feelings
So when I remember the way
I felt
When you held me in your arms
I feel as though I have to flee
From that very thought

I know you haven't been the best
And I want to lay on your chest
And try to make you smile
Make you feel okay
Once in awhile

I'm sorry if you don't like this poem
But I want to share it with you
Make it more true
And have you know
That I care for you

I hope one day
I can see you again
And put a smile on your face
And maybe give you a hug
To make you feel loved

When you look into my eyes
I beg for you to see
The pain that I hide within
But all you see in my eyes
Is your own reflection

When you hear my voice
I beg for you to hear
The strain and break deep in the back
Of my throat
But all you hear
Is your own guilt in disguise

When you take my hand
I beg for you to feel
When I squeez it for a distraction
But all you feel
Is the pain in your own hand


When you kissed me
I begged for you to taste
My very being rotting away
But all you tasted
Was the taste of your own thoughts

When you layed next to me
I begged for you to smell
The fear I feel as my body withers
But all you smelled
Was your own putrid scent

When I cry
I beg for you to notice
The suffering in my tears
But all you notice
Is your own fears

I beg to feel seen by your five senses
But your five senses
Aren't focused on me

Bite my neck
So that I can forget
The way that he would caress it

Choke me
So that I can forget
The way that he would hold me

Abuse me
The way that he never would
When he would use me

Replace the memories
Of his burning love
And toxic touch

With yours
And yours alone

Take wvery time he was gentle
Amd double up on the opposite
As you bite and use me
The way he never did

Shoe me un-gentle
And unkind love
As you replace
Every unwanted touch