in my dreams I am fearless
that's why sleep so much.

You’re like a bruise that I can’t remember getting.
You just appeared one day,
And now I look different.

I don’t know if I even want to meet you anymore,
Because if I do,
I’ll still be convinced you’ll leave me,
And I’ll **** it up so you do,
Everything is temporary,
And that’s just true.

Maybe I took for granted
How beautiful it felt
To climb in bed beside a person
To love the cards I was dealt

Maybe I was selfish
And didn’t choose to see
That you were struggling too
And it wasn’t only me

Maybe I was careless
And threw caution to the wind
Betrayed you and waylaid you
And bathed myself in sins

Well now although I’m happy
Become used to being alone
I still can’t help but feel like
I’m never really home

I don’t think I was ungrateful
Maybe selfish but I cared
I pray the world gives a second chance
For me to find love again out there

I do my best to fill my time,
With friends and family,
Work and plans.
I distract myself with empty flirtations,
And TV, and alcohol.
Every day I try not to think,
And sometimes I go a whole day without remembering.
Sometimes I’m happy for a long while and I think
“I’m starting to feel better, I’m going to be okay”.
But when the days out end.
I come home from work, the Netflix credits roll across my phone screen,
Suddenly everything is silent.
And I’m so small,
And I remember how alone I am.

Since then I feel smaller,
Like half a person,
There’s a reason people call people their other halves.
The tears rock me like an earthquake and it physically hurts.
Everywhere I go it’s music, and food and terms of phrase,
Screaming your name.
Like the world wants me to be in pain.
My bed is way too big just for me but I don’t want it full unless it’s full of you.
I think I took for granted the beauty of normal life with you in it.
The worst part is I can’t even tell you how much I miss you,
Because you’re healing too.
That’s okay.