I consider my existence a series of soul ties.
They are not just to any old dead
And they share something other than
what science said they did

A birthright, a lineage
A path of light, or shadow

They passed down pieces of their soul
Comprised of the souls that came before them
So I think it's more than DNA
or DNA is more than science
And science is more than what it says

Sometimes I forget
Because I see breathing blood
And it's not in a vacuum
And its not all blood

But then I remember
How she wanted to be a career woman
Or how another spoke Spanish
Or how he wrote a book left unpublished

Strange and magical, beautiful
While tired, hidden, and creating

Just as I am
Tired of conjugation, childless,
and writing

I consider my existence a series of soul ties
An inheritance of affinities
A set of dreams bursting to break through.

If my heart is an ocean
Gone unexplored
Then why is it here?

I try to drain it
Make it palatable
Because on its own, it feels like too much

Layers upon layers
Light, deep blue, darker
I'm not sure where the bottom is

It's got to be for something

I've got to feel for something

They reach out their hand
And trail their fingers over the surface
Not seeking further depth
I hate that I do the same
I don't invite them in.

If my heart is but an ocean gone unexplored
Then why is it here?

Lit up, we lounge under sky fire
Our skin charged and warm
Thoughts 'round my head like a hot wire
I jump in to avoid the oncoming swarm

Cool silk comes to ease my dread
Now I swim with silenced voices
they float around my head
Begone to all regrets for bad choices

I'm in the shallowest layer of the dark
Summer has faded and left its mark

In my head I've lost it.
In my head I'm standing on your front lawn
My bare feet on the damp grass
In the early morning.

The mist fills my tongue
Sprinklers pour over me
I shiver and think of all this water

I feel the weak warmth
Of a pale colorless sunrise.

You walk out the front door
In your suit and tie, briefcase in hand
You don't even look at me. The apparition
You kiss her goodbye, you get in your car and drive away

I stand with my dress all wet
Soaked to the bone
Praying for the sun to come sooner

This water pins me,
It weighs me down.

Every so often I step through that door
And take stock of what I've got
Pretty little things that don't make sense
But are great fun to me.

For example, I imagine
Mist speckled with silver, shimmering each time the wind picks up
Warping and swaying with the breeze.
It blankets a field of white grasses.

Another holds a grove
With electric blue leaves screaming on the hills
Shuddering and flashing with energy
Catching the wind.

In continuation
I made a deep charcoal ravine
Far down flows glowing purple lava
Carving out a riverbed far below
Thick, deadly, enrapturing.

But I can't forget green
Everything back home comes in green
The night sky in my mind
Is the deepest, blackest emerald
With stars piercing through the velvet.

The more I imagine the deeper I go
So then I make
Clouds thick and vaporous
Rumbling and yellow
Orange lightning flashes and strikes
Against the inky black sea
Golden fish flickering like candles within.

Perhaps its silly
But one say I hope to see it again.

Sometimes I get an impression
A hint of what I could have
A small stone wet from the ocean
Or the color of my favorite sweatshirt

Maybe one day I could see it in the flesh.

The azure ether
melding to my dazed eyes, and
blurring my vision

Yesterday morning I woke up with a hole above my head
I got up, brushed my teeth and got dressed
As anyone does
I got in my car and drove.
I did what I was supposed to.

This morning I woke up with a star above my head
It took me on a tour
To the room with our plans laid out on a canvas, halfway done
Sketched in pencil, the paint had already left

The sun streamed in through the open window.
It felt like a dream.