How is it that you can claim
That you still love me?
While all you do is blame…?
I used to sit upon your knee
As I cried; wrapped tightly in your arms.

I still remember when you told me
That a man is only as strong as his word
And a promise is but a decree
And I believed you… until I heard
that you could not be there.

Your reasoning was shallow
Not a call on that day
And for that you’re not callow
Later you called but hung before I could say
That I would have answered you

Because you are my dad
And I’ll always love you
And remember the memories we once had
But those are darkened too
With the lies you told me

You said there there’s only
Two women you’d always love
Me and your mom, so why am I so lonely?
Oh yes because all you did was shove
Me to the back burner when you found out

You called me egotistic
You called me immature
But I’m not that simplistic
At least not any more
I’ve changed

It is you who never hears
It is you who stopped calling
And have lost touch after the years
That you have been recalling
Who I was as a child

I tried to tell you,
That you are misguided
But you couldn’t face that it’s true
That your source of media is one sided
It’s brain washing you.

Yes, and you’re correct
It takes maturity to hold dear
Someone when you think their thought’s wrecked
So then why have you not been here?
When I needed you most?

Writing notes makes me feel better
Because if I die i know there'll be a letter
Explaining all my thoughts and feelings
I couldn't tell you whilst I was breathing.

This little voice in my head
A secret whisper of poisons
Makes me wish I was dead

This little voice in my head
Tells me to jump off a bridge
Reminds me that I won't be missed

This little voice in my head
It just won't shut up
It haunts me day and night
Tries to control my life

This little voice in my head
Is not so little anymore
It's slowly overtaking me
Killing me and consuming my all.

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED!!!

Tie the noose and kick the chair
Take your final breath of air
Open the bottle and down the pills
Cry and gasp and then fall still
Write the note to see if they care
Then go jump down a flight of stairs
You're pathetic and worthless
You'll never do well
You're wasting our air
I hope you rot in hell.

I call out your name,
"Game over!" I cry, "I can't find you! You win!"
But you don't appear with a laugh like when we were children. Of course you don't. This isn't a game of hide and seek. My head spins but my eyes do not stray as I pour the same brand of semi-skimmed milk onto the same whole grain cereal in the same chipped, pottery bowl I did 20 years ago when you sat across from me at the same hard oak table when you told me "Let's get married!". And so we did. Your mother was the priest and your face was bright with youth as you slide that tacky plastic ring from the corner shop onto my finger and kissed my cheek. But this isn't then, and you aren't him. So when I call out "Game Over!" you don't run out from the bushes, knees covered in mud and a smile like starlight on your face. When I take your hand and whisper "I can't find you." you don't respond. You never do, not even a flicker of movement in that once bright eyed face. The only answer I receive is the steady beep of your heart monitor, and the assurance in my mind that indeed, I can't find you any more. So as I slip that old, worn down tacky plastic ring from the corner shop onto your finger and kiss your cheek, I smile softly; my last goodbye. "Game over! I can't find you! You win!" And I turn and nod to the nurse, her eyes sunken with the burden of her job. "Switch him off" I whisper "Game over."