Never stop
For beauty is inevitable
If you keep
On doing
What you're doing

This loneliness is incomparable.
But it's not as unbearable
As it was
Being with you.

We are all a work in progress
But given time
We will be masterpieces
By the time we're finished.

All encompassing memories consume the mind
As the walls melt all around me
Burning to the ground
And my heart pounds loudly inside the chasm that is my chest
It feels like the air is being ****** out of me
Everything Eventually Changes
Most times its for the better
But sometimes it takes awhile to see it that way.

O How the Tides Change!
Yesterday I WOULDN"T live without you,
Today I couldn't wait!
If there's one thing you taught me,
it's that in relationships
You have to feed the fire to keep it alive.
So I tried.
I piled on everything that I had inside...
every thought, every longing, every tear I cried.
You stood back and watched me struggle
As the flames slowly died.
I gave it my all
but my resources ran small.
When the rain started to fall
You had my back against the wall.
I tried my best to save it
But you wouldn't set me free.
I knew I could no longer shield the fire...

I was getting BURNED.

And here I am
yet again...
meticulously hanging on to words-
dangling on the edge of the vow you made-
When will I learn
that people
don't always
mean what they say.

is watching you
walk away.

Spring
New life has sprung
Summer
The battles been won
Autumn
We start to fall
Till winter
We don't exist at all

Even the trees die
And form new life
Regardless of the sun
In the sky
There is a point where
Old atoms must
Be made new

We are all made of stardust
And we shine brighter  
Then them all put together
Because we are the epitome
Of what it is to be alive

I wish I could copy and paste
the thoughts of your mind
into mine
cause then
everything would be fine.

I have an empty heart
But at least my fridge is full.

I am
Too much of a dreamer
Not enough of a thinker
An avid drinker
For I never know where to turn
When something goes wrong

I am
a loner
Though emotionally codependent
Because of my lack of confidence
And experience
I am influenced
And live in hopelessness
Of this I have evidence

I am
Backwards
For being forwards is too complicated
Those vibes I have negated
For I need someone to keep me sated
In the midst of all the hatred

I am
Broken down
Tossed around
Mercilessly drowned in a pool of my own sorrow
Thoughts of tomorrow
Haunt me
May I please borrow
your eyes
So I can be the strong woman
Everyone tells me they see

For I feel I am
Just a kid in the middle of a mess
Trying to clean up after myself
And my tirades of recklessness
But getting stuck
Cause I can't even handle the weight of the broom

I am lonely
For I'm alone
In the middle of the ashes
Of the burning building
I once called home

There once was a flower
Who grew up in a greenhouse.
She knew there was a world out there,
But the only thing she ever really knew
Was that greenhouse.
Now,
One day someone came to that greenhouse
And chose her
And brought her home to be planted in their garden.
To care for her
And love her
To give her a chance to live.
And she stood in the ground beautiful and proud.
For she had been chosen.
But when the first rain came she was frightened.
Scared of the cold heavy drops that pelted against her.
And at the first wind
That pulled at her petals
she couldn't help but to tremble in fear
Because she had never known or experienced these things before.
And she thought upon her greenhouse.
Sometimes as a blessing
And sometimes as a curse
For she was different than the hundred others that stood in the very same garden.
And oh how she tried most times
To be like them.
But no matter what she did- she longed to be herself
The sweet sensitive flower that she was...
For she thought that was why the gardener had chosen her
Because she wasn't only concerned with how tall she grew
Or the vibrancy of her petals
But she cared for the gardener too
More than she ever could have imagined
She had a heart and more love than anyone could ask for
And she thought that was what truly mattered

But it wasn't enough.

I never knew a simple
"Hello"
And a smile
Could mean so much.

Melancholy spires through the clouds
Loneliness aroused
Seeing normality through furrowed brows
As we wonder how we got here
To this point of no return
With every word chosen
Someone's heart is broken
Reality is awoken
As sorrowed words are spoken

We Ache for something more
But what?
Who could say beyond the door
Of life that lies before us
At what point do we forsake trust?
At what point do we give in to lust,
Of people  places and things
Money, relationships?
It's all very tiring.


On our separate paths we chose to stray
Once together yesterday but today we're not the same
Estranged
With different eyes speculating now differing arrays
Our love on delay as we've ultimately arranged
With all the choices we have made.

Let me into the musty basement
Take me down there
I want to see every corner
I want to explore the haunted places of your mind
I want to explore the dark alleys of your heart
The corners of your mind where cobwebs have formed from never visiting

What I'm saying is

I want to follow you through the rabbit hole
Your soul I long to know
I wish to understand
Why you- like me
Go to these dark places

I want to know that I am not alone.

So peaceful tonight
Thinking clearer finally
I am not alone

"the ninth planet from the sun"
Pluto was once classified
As something more than she was supposed to be
I remember being six years old
Intrigued and in awe learning about the nine planets.
In love.
... When Science changed her classification
my heart broke.

.You are my Pluto.

Madness in my head
Stop asking me these questions
I don't have answers

"Perfect Love casts out all fear"

So why am I afraid of you?

That leads me to one conclusion...
Our love is not perfect
Our love maybe even wasn't meant to be
Or maybe it was... but only for a time

So I could show you how to love the next one

Cause I'm not it for you
You never really LOVED me
Maybe you lusted for me and wanted me
And appreciated me
But it wasn't enough...

Because it was for you
And not for me

And my love for you was true.
Perfect Love.

But over time things changed
And I grew afraid
"Perfect Love casts out all fear"
But there was terror in my heart
You taught me to love you because I was afraid not to.

Why should I keep fighting?
Why should I keep endlessly treading these feelings- getting nowhere?
My muscles are weak
And I am tired
Can't I just let this water take me-
Down
            Down
                        Down
          ­                           Down
I'd like to feel the water filling my lungs
As the last of my air escapes me
Feel my muscles tense and release
As I finally let go
Finally relaxed
As I fade into blackness

How can I be drunk off my anxiety?
I don't even feel sober
Though I'm certain that I haven't drank
Why do I want to so bad?