So much power
Contained within metal.
You feel the cold pressed on to your head
and like the gods you begin
a crescendo of thunder and and lightning
a roar and a flash
then quiet.
Only quiet

I pushed you away
when you loved me the
most
what have I done
what have I done

now the nights all gray
I dont want to run
dont want to run

maybe the storms finally blown over
and I can see my smoking gun
know you werent just a lover
darling, you were the sun
you were the sun

so farewell, goodbye
goodbye, farewell
or maybe this isnt it?
maybe youre not
youre not, youre not
dont with all of my *******

but I dont know how to tell you
that maybe I am through
I am through, with you
(I love you)
no, I'm definitely not
through
with you

born to a reality full of scared sheep in wolf skin and fur,
it bred in me cowardice like I had not known.
I bared my teeth to seem brave
but it did not look menacing,
no.

what are they so afraid of?
what am I?
they are so enslaved by their fears that it seems almost like devotion.
like gods venerated by their disciples, so too were the evils that that who surround me run from.

this was not me.
I was not afraid.
this was by nurture and not by nature.
it was a seed thrown at my feet that bore so much fruit,
that the ground covered in rot.
and now it has spread,
corrupting me from the outside in.
I am made in fear.
I am made of fear.

this is for you because
you’ve left me with a wound in my chest
it misses your knife–
the one that used to fill it

you’ve left me wide open,
thoughts of you spilling out,
like guts, but i’d prefer guts
because those, i can clean up

why wouldn’t i drink whiskey to water down the ache?
you stung on my tongue
made my stomach warm
made me do the bad thing
left my head feeling bashed in

it’s the next best thing
works almost the same
even better–i can take a pill for the pain
in the morning
when i’m trying to get it out of my system
it lets me

because i am selfish,
i think to myself,
you’re too beautiful to be gone
because you are selfish,
i know
that you’re beautiful wherever the ******* are

i write this
trying to spite you
it’s about you because
everything
is always about you

even without you

god, i ******* love you

Sometimes I wonder
whatever happened to that girl
the one I talked to
'til 2 am about everything
about her intricacies
and weaknesses
and vulnerabilities
and hopes and dreams and regrets
I still dream of that girl.
The one that would hold me tight
on nights where cold cut far past skin
and on days when the sun shone second brightest

I still dream of that girl.
and hope she's doing fine.
I hope she still writes poems like before
with ink flowing like blood
I hope she gets enough to eat
she's always been so thin
I hope she remembers to love herself every once and awhile
and I hope she still remembers me
because I remember her
and I don't think I'll forget soon

please.
remember me.

I lay there. Back to the earth
eyes to the sky, walls broken
teeth chattering from cold
with only stars and moonlight

I spoke of you.
spoke of you oh so fondly
to your friend who saw my pain
"it's going to hurt" she says
"it already does" I say
"it's going to keep hurting" she says
"I know" I say
"are you ready?" she asks
"no"
"but are you still going to wait?"
"yes"