She was so reckless and so carefree
I was once her,
And she was once me
This was the way I truly use to be
Before I started drinking a new cup of tea

This cup is filled with aggression and pain
All the while searching for something to gain
But the searching is starting to drive me insane
As the late night thoughts sneak up on my brain

The thoughts endlessly fill my mind with doubt
As I have yet to obtain the ability
To truly understand what life is about
While keeping up with every responsibility

The tea was suppose to be a quick fix
A way to relax my mind
But as late night thoughts creep into the mix
Serenity becomes harder and harder to find

Yet this all leads me back to the one I'll call she
The girl who I simply use to be
She was so reckless and so carefree
It's hard to imagine now that I was ever her
Or that she was ever me

In the night I slowly drink my tea
For at least with it comes some stability
As I am no longer reckless nor carefree
And just want something with a profitable possibility

This kind of thinking keeps me up at night
Convinced now that I won't get this right
Yet I continue to drink the tea and fight
So that maybe my dark thoughts will lead back into the light

It's beginning to feel like this house is haunted
For you are turning into an unfriendly ghost
I've tried to give you everything you've said you wanted
Hoping that it would pay off when I may need you the most

Yet I think back to all those times when we were kissing
For I love how it felt like I could touch your soul
But now when I look at you it's like your soul went missing
Forcing me to see that I've failed to play my expected role

For it's about that time of year
Where every home seems to be filled with love
While ours seems to be filled with my fear
That you want to fly free like a ghostly dove

Because it seems like our house is haunted
As I realize that your soul's silence was never a joke
For now you tell me that I was never the one you wanted
And I feel devastated by the words of which you just spoke

Oh my love it's now clear that you are a ghost
For I thought that I had your heart in spite of it never being there
And now I am a soldier who stands at her post
To keep my heart from shouting things like, "How could you not care?"

Or from screaming, "How could you have kept this hidden?"
When you made me think you loved me so I gave you my everything
Oh yes believe me now when I say that any thought of you is forbidden
After I gave you everything and you leave me with absolutely nothing

For how dare you make me feel unwanted
When I worked hard to do the things you say you like
Maybe all ghosts like you have a special way to make a house seem haunted
Oh I hope God forgives me for telling you to take a hike

Because Lord knows that there have been too many nights
Where I prayed that your soul would come out and say boo
But this haunted house just like this love has no hope nor lights
After all the pain we have put each other through

Which leads us to now where I let you know
That it's better we both look for someone new
I'm forcing my heart to completely let you go
Because your absence now gives me reason to

I have now reached a final conclusion
That maybe our love was just an illusion
But to think that it was just a delusion
Fills my mind with so much confusion

As I was caught back in surprise
When I remembered your loving eyes
Back then I would have never thought they were lies
Until I was kissed by the lips of sunrise

These lips made my body tremble
As the images began to assemble
Yet the sunrise kissed me at the wake of dawn
To surprise me with the fact that you were gone

Oh and how I wish it would have just let me sleep
I was so in love with what I guess is now a dream
But now that you're gone the monsters creep
And if it weren't for my family, I would scream

Yet they are here
And you have gone somewhere
You not returning has made it clear
That you would rather stay there

Again a few months later,
The sunrise awoke me from my slumber
With a kiss upon my cheek
I still want to search for your number
Even though it makes me feel weak

For now in the midst of dawn
Yet I now realize that your absence has made it clear
You are truly long and gone
So don't you ever think about coming back around here

Because baby I can forgive
Since I don't want to feel any hate
But your absence has given me more reason to live
As I realize my power to be something great

So I hope you stay where ever you are
And I thank the morning sun
For being the beautiful star
To shine light on the fact that we were done

Because as of now I have reached a conclusion
Or an ending as I should say
That I won't waste being stuck in confusion
For someone who didn't even want to stay

Violets turn red
And roses turn blue
Now that I am
Without my boo

I've grown up through the years
Having many losses and many wins
The competition always ringin in my ears
That is where it all begins

People are always focused on the cost
Whenever has there not been a price?
Truly we have won less than we have lost
If we have forgotten how to be nice

Lets stop focusing on where we want to be
And simply focus on wherever we are
Because if it was truly up to me
I would have never let you roam away alone so far

I would have been right by your side
I would have withdrawn from the competition
Yet back then I had too much pride
And an even stronger ambition

Baby I'm sorry for all that I put you through
But even that will never be enough
I know that there is nothing that I can do
To once again find my diamond in the rough

Oh yes your beauty outshines any jewel
But to tell you was hard for me to say
I was too focused on wanting to be cool
So I ended up pushing you away

Yet now I pay a greater price
For not having noticed that you were gone
It's lonely here in paradise
And I'm not sure I want to carry on

I always wanted to be my best
So caught up in all the competition
But now there is a heavy heart in my chest
For having paid too much attention to my ambition

I've grown up now through the years
All of the years I have now been without you
It truly brings me to tears
To think of all the things I wish we could do

These are all the things I would say to her
If I ever got the chance to see her again
But one can definitely know for sure
That she is my inspiration for my hand and pen

Yes I'm not so good at switching gears
I've turned into a person who holds on too tight
The difference is noticeable among all our old peers
Who say that my dark eyes are empty without her light

What she would do
To look like a model
As she dreamed of being a size two
And having a figure like a bottle

For how she hated having to always ask for something bigger
Since dress carriers never seem to have her size
The feelings of which she hated became her ultimate trigger
Of what has yet to become of her thighs

My thighs
My thighs
She would say with a saddened look in her eyes

My waist
My hair
I remember her screaming, "Why doesn't he care?"

Or maybe it wasn't that he didn't care
Maybe it was the fact that he could never stay
Or maybe he had never even really been there
Although she desperately wanted him to look her way

As she use to tell me how her mind would riot
About all the bad things she had ever done
After having been on diet after diet
It was never really like her to stick to just one

One
One
I remember wanting to run

That first day when I saw her *****
It was the first day I learned of her eating disorder,
Of which I tried telling her she was as beautiful as a comet

As she could make anyone's spirit rise way above the sky
If only she would notice the happy souls smiling from above
Always stopping to tell everyone hi even if she could have just said bye

Bye
Bye
It took me months to realize her smile was a lie

And yet it still gives me chills
To think of her last haunting look
As she overdosed on pills
And here I was thinking I knew her like a book

Her every word, her every line
I should have paid more attention to the word skinny
Of which now if I ever talk about regrets of mine
One of them would be that I didn't tell her that she didn't have to be mini

Mini
Mini
I had been Piglet to her Winny

For I was perfectly fine with being in the background
So long as she was somewhere near
It kills me now that she isn't around
To hear me say that I miss her here

Or of how she didn't need that boy
All she ever needed was her own admiration
I only wish I could have given her that joy
Or had done something more to prevent this situation

Situation
Situation
It's worth the confrontation

It's worth noticing your own suspicion
Of their depressed moods or severe loss of appetite
Just please don't be afraid of making that decision
To finally show the darkness some light

Or else they could very well be like my friend
The one whose life seemed to be planted in the gym
Of whom I never thought her life would end
All because she would have done anything to be slim

"Hello darkness"
"Hello light"
"Why won't you come closer?"
"I cannot light"

"But why not?"
"Because I must stay here
And you must stay there"
"But why darkness?
Do you not want us to be together?"
"Light this is the only way we can be"

"Darkness why can't we just be one?"
"Because dear light"
"Because why darkness!?"
"Because light I will crush you and you will crush me"
"Oh darkness I would never hurt you"
"Oh light by keeping it this way,
You'll never have to"