My cheeks are still warm
from the blush you left me,
and I can’t get your smile
out of my head
(Not that I’d want to)
I worry that I’m falling too fast,
but my heart is a force to be reckoned with,
And it’s set a course to you.

Life is too short to spend considering mistakes made in the past. Learn to appreciate the present and accept what comes your way.

I'm just so
tired
I want to fall asleep
and wake up with him holding me tightly
Keeping me warm

I'm just so
sad
I want to cry
then look up and close my eyes as
He wipes my tears away

I'm just so lost
I wish he would come
and find me.

I've been fine,
cheerful,
for the past few days,

but now the sickness creeps back in,
my heart grows heavy,
my veins fill with sludge.

My eyes are constantly brimming with tears,
and no one is here
with a shoulder to catch them.

If I suddenly disappeared,
vanished without a trace,
how big of an impact
would it really make?

One should never
dive headfirst
if they don't know
what's at
the
bottom.

But I want to dive
straight in
to you.

There's a song
being sung
deep inside you -

I hear it,
and fall under its spell.

I want to dive
into your eyes
and never come up
for air

I am hopelessly
trapped
in your song.

I am not scared.

I am not scared
to drown in you.

You are the paradise ocean,
a safe place.

So crash over me,
let me sink.

Your song will keep me safe.

Sharing words
face-to-face
is a surprisingly powerful act
Once I find my way past the barriers of my own reluctance
I find it's very relieving to speak my mind
And finally confess
that I
am not
okay.

Why is it so safe here?

In this spot of my loneliness

Nothing makes sense, nothing should
feel like this

But here I feel

safe

even though I am here without

you

*maybe that's what I needed
was some time

alone

With the crystal frost
comes the screaming demons
comes the whisper of death
comes the need for pain
comes the numbness, never-ending.
With the death of summer
comes the death of smiles
comes the freezing of hearts
comes the shadows in the corner
comes the voices, dancing.
With the fading of the sun
comes the fading of joy
comes the quick, red lines
comes the hopelessness
comes the tears, spilling over.

Why is this all so
wrong?

I don’t belong
in this backyard
among their joy.

I lost my home,
but I never
really
had it.

There is a person
instead.
He is home,
more than
them.

I do not write
from my head
where too many thoughts
tend to foul my words.
I prefer to write
from the heart,
where every line and lyric
rings clearly, true and pure.

As I was watering my roses,
no longer quite so fresh,
I noticed a curious thing:
the thorns were growing larger
even as the flowers died.

If I told you what I was feeling right now, you'd have me shipped off to a hospital;
They're just feelings, darling, so please put the phone down.

I just feel so empty
and lost
and numb,
and I want to rip the veins
from my wrists
and watch the blood pool
until I can't watch anything anymore.

But I can't tell you that
because you'll think that
I'm just that crazy
But the thing is that I
would never really do
such a thing,
that's just the illness talking.

Don't listen to my demons,
I try not to.

It’s odd to have
a name for my ailment;
I can now officially say
that I suffer from anxiety,
Which can cause
panic attacks(sense of worry and/or fear, high heart rate, shaking, panicked thoughts, dizziness, difficulty breathing)
and
compulsive behavior(acting unwillingly on a yearning for a specific action).
Check and check, all symptoms accurate.
I have
a
n
x
i
e
t
y.

This is the name for my fears,
for my shaky moments,
for my actions, drawing blood.

It’s real now,
and I must learn my enemy
in order to defeat it.
Fear of the unknown will not paralyze me
anymore.

The paint has been scrubbed
from my weary glass eyes.
I see now that which
I simply could not see alone.
He has scrubbed the paint
from my weary glass eyes
and shown me the truth -
I am not gray.
I am black and white,
harsh contrast.
I am
a broken glass heart.
Don't leave me alone,
or the monsters will toss me from my stand
and I will shatter again.

I am
a girl
with a black-and-white stained brain.
Harsh contrast.

I want to dive
back into the abyss,
I'm just done with this
silly little thing we call life.

I think I need to float
awhile, letting the cold
seep into my bones and mind.

Numb, silent, forgetting;
This shouldn't be so
welcoming, the darkest
place of my mind.

I suppose that's the guise
to draw you in,
the siren song to make you
                                                   drown.

I'm drowning,
filling with saltwater,
don't you see the leak?
Doesn't it shimmer just
beneath my eyelids?

Flooded windows are so
blurry and difficult
to peer through. Can you
even see more than silhouette?

I want to drag my fingertips
through the surface
as I fall under, so I can
feel like the drowning woman
in a sad, dramatic film.

Is there a piano solo
for my sinking?
Deep, delving notes
chasing
me
down,
drifting in the currents' pull.


Don't pull me up,
don't touch the freezing fingers
as they stretch to feel the wind

The storm toils above me,
but I've already drowned.

I would bottle
a little bit of your voice
to hear whenever I wish

To hear I was always
in your eyes, always
visible when I felt unseen.

This warmth
is so safe, and I
never want to leave this space

Where we exist, together,
understanding
and feeling our thoughts.

It was such a sudden shift;
laughter and joy and noise and love
abruptly cut off
and the silence of peace deafened me.

We are like fingers caught
in a Chinese finger trap:
The more you try to pull us apart,
the tighter we cling to each other.

In
   side
my
    head
What
        is
lurking?
           I
just
     do not
know.
         I'm
sorry.

I would love to sprout
a pair of wings,
flowing from my spine.
They’d be feathered,
and black as night,
and could carry me to the stars.

Hold me, shield me
I am scared of the
Darkness that is creeping close;
Every night it moves closer.

I'm so cold
without your voice to warm my heart.

She is like duct tape -
once she sticks, she stays,
no matter how rough the weather;

and she is so painful to remove

Tell me, tell me,
tell me quietly
a whisper caressing my ear

Tell me, tell me,
tell me loudly
a shout to be heard by the world

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with a kiss
the gentle press of lips on lips

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with your soul
feel our souls touch and smile

Tell me, tell me,
tell me every day and night
*tell me that you love me.

even though i know it's late
and he's probably just asleep
i cannot help but be afraid
as his side of the chat stays blank.

I'm in a cloudy field of cherry blossom trees
Being chased by a bunch of bees
Getting stung should be impossible
in this beautiful place
But I keep getting stung,
and the cherry blossom trees laugh,
And the blossoms weep petals.

Kiss me breathless, kiss me drunk,
Kiss me ‘till I have have sunk
Under the waves of warm desire;
I’m not afraid to drown during the lovers’ hour.

I’m sorry
that I leave
so many ghosts
behind me
every time
I try
to love.

We are magnets,
but we are too far away
to click.

It’s yellow outside
like the sun just died,
and faded to mist.
It’s eerie and and ominous,
a small warning, perhaps,
to stay indoors tonight?
I think I can smell lightning
in the air, silently hiding,
and ready to crash down on us all.

A weary soul, stained silver with tears,
weighs more than the body it inhabits,
for this host is too tired to eat, too tired
to sleep, unless the nap can last forever.

Hold me close, please,
Hold me close and don't let go
I just want to breathe you in
(I could get high just by breathing you in)
I just want to breathe you in
Hold me close and, please, please,

**Don't let go

.
                                                    y.
        ­                                          k
           h  until you reach the s
         g
        i
fly h
and then tumble
                             d
                               o
                                 w
                                    n
                         ­             to shatter against the
                                                                ­         g
                                                               ­            r
                                                                ­            o
                                                   ­                           u
                                    ­                                             n
                                                               ­                     d.

the sun shines bright

the waves are easy and calm

the breeze is warm,
it caresses my face

yet, in the distance,

somehow,

I still hear the rumbling
of the never-ending storm.

Being away from you for so long
frightens me,
Because I have to figure out how to remind myself
that it wasn’t all a dream.

You surprise me
with things that
no one else has ever done -
You're a fresh thought, a kindred spirit,
someone I know I am safe with.

Where did they go?
To a place unknown
where the wind doesn't blow
and the bravest don't go.

STOP* STOP *STOP
Get out of me, demon
I don't want you controlling my limbs.

And suddenly
everything is crowding
in my head
And I’m a mess again
just like I always
will be
And I wish that
all these demons
would just go away.

Was last night real,
an exchange of fondness?
Or was my imagination
up to no good?
Did my heart really swell
right out of my chest?
Or did I go to sleep
with tears again?
Did you really say those three words,
over and over and over again?
Or am I finally crazy enough
to see false things?

Why can't I trust my own memory?

it's nice
to have a warm body
next to mine
silent company,
wordless comfort
it's nice,
knowing that
i'm not alone.

I’ll meet you in Dreamland,
my love,
Where distance does not matter
and time does not exist -
We may lay in field
of fragrant flowers,
entwined together for hours and hours,
Forgetting the pain of
the world outside our eyelids
So that we may enjoy
the warmth of our hearts.

He sees too much, he feels too much
He knows too much and he grows too much
He's bleeding inside and he cannot let it out
He crying behind the grin and he cannot show the tears
That mask, it's permanent
Like the scars on my own arms
That smile, where is it
Mine comes from him
That heart, it's hurting
I hope I can save it.

Why am I always
bleeding
from
these cracks in my soul

I have to cover them up
Wipe away the tears and bloodstains
and
hide.

It's so frustrating
how all it takes
is three words
to make me want to cry
and pull a gray sheet over my blue sky;
"She killed herself."

Even as I’m moving
forward,
I still feel
stuck
In the same thoughts,
the same mistakes,
the same
inevitable
pit.

I’m sorry that I’m so melancholy,
but life just makes me want to cry sometimes.
Surely,
you can relate??

I'm being dragged down again,
buried again,
smothered again

I need you to save me again

My thoughts are killing me again.

The infection is returning,
seeping into my blood—
soon I will be a creature
of shadows and tears.