If I could stop time, I would,
right here, right now,
and wander this cold,
starry night.
I’d sit on a ledge
and ponder the end
before walking away
because I remembered.
I’d dip a toe in chilly waves
and try to keep demons at bay
as they try to drown me.
I’d head back home
to be safe and warm,
and remember that I don’t have
a home,
just a house with strangers
sleeping inside;
I don’t know my own life
anymore.
I’d look at the clock,
stuck at half past the dark 3 —
sigh,
and let time slide its way
through my skin
to drown me in
sorrow, regret, and anxiety.

Memories flicker in my mind,
fireflies always escaping my grasp.

I try to catch them,
keep them in a jar,

But they escape,
leaving me lost and alone.

What are you doing
back in front of me
With shards of glass in your chest -
You wait for me to pull them out,
And tell you that you’ll be okay,
But I don’t know that I can still help you
If all you’ll do is push me away.

I miss kisses.
I miss the gentle meld of our body heat,
Soft sighs in the dark.
I miss late whispers
and hugs that make me forget.
I miss the laughs,
And casual word trade.
I miss your presence,
never an empty space.
I miss kissing you,
and forgetting everything else.

The tide has come,
Stained with blood,
Filling my lungs
With fear.
I’ve stopped swimming,
And now I float -
I can taste rust
In the water’s murky flavor.
My arm stings,
Yet I still want more,
The blade gleams at me
From the sea floor.
I wish I could cry,
But the ocean takes
My tears away
So that I only drown faster.

Everything hurts, but
I have no bruises,
no leaking wounds.
The torment
lies
inside,
a persistent infection.
It grew bored
of letting me hide,
and the tide has dragged me
so
far
down.
I almost feel like
this time,
I might really drown.

I’m ok for now
But I can’t stop fearing the worst
Can’t stop watching the horizon
For the crushing wave -
This is too good,
And I know that it’ll end eventually.