Can You see me?
Glistening with your morning dew
Passionately but peacefully
discovering the likeness of me
In You

Can You embrace me?
The all of me
the unacceptable
the unruly
the suspicious and untrue me
While I chase the knowingness of You
within me

Will You connect to me?
The culmination
of intricate pieces
perfectly created to define
that which is me
of You

Will You come for me?
The lost yet hopeful one
who denies her self-love
and soulful divinity
who won't ever give up
the quest for truth
and the journey back to You
to find Us all

Unraveling and rewinding, trickles of time
unrequited longing
For redemption, resurrection, inspiration
twisting in the winds of regret

Doubtful and unsteady, whispers of purpose
A victim’s story
Of unachievable perfection
dying in the arms of this fool

Weakened and damaged, waves of anguish
Crush the hopeful heart
A destitute pauper
Blind to the riches within

Lies and deception, distortion of truth
Crippling perception
and saturating the feeble remains
with unrelenting force

Wounded and berated, rivers of light
Swallow whole the ragged soul
Back in time to reverse his crimes
granting the blind man sight

Thoughts rush in
consuming at will
like breaking waves
gorging the current swill

Miles of redundancy
another storm settles in
as thunder strikes a blackened sky
familiarity floods begin

The wake of this fury
leaves no stone unturned
but hope drowns its sorrows
as the bridges burn

Chaos persists
with no end in sight
fear drowns all courage
with despair it’s plight

The eye of the storm
now center stage
reflects calmer waters
within a sea of rage

A deeper dive
redefines a battered shore
as lost meets found
I am within the cure

You know the place
Where you hide
Truth disguised
Somewhere beneath
Drama and bravado


Where deception is perception
In the eyes of all you meet
Somewhere beneath
Apathy and imperfection


Where you keep those secrets
***** and enslaved
Somewhere beneath
Guilt and shame


Where you layer the lies
You told and were told
Somewhere beneath
Justification and betrayal


Where fear prevails
In the pit of your stomach
Somewhere beneath
Loathing and rage


Where self-doubt debates
In mindless chatter
Somewhere beneath
Arrogance and swagger


Where you acknowledge its place
Coddle and groom the space
Somewhere beneath falling from grace
You know the place

The poets arrive
Through the windows of life
Dancing on words
And surfing the light
While fragments of dust
Escape into night

Can you hear the whispers
Of the world outside?
Feel the breeze of the wind
As you drift with the tide

Magic at midnight
Is close at hand
As words of wisdom
Now transcend

The soul has power
The mind its' muse
Belief or blasphemy
Which will you choose?

August 21, 2013

I float dreamily in subtle undertones
as hues of her radiant light
embody my awakening soul

You and I
walk together
beholden to the moonlight
to day's light and days late
destined
to remain here
though not forever

I with you
and you with me
intertwined
with complicated ties
holding us together
in threads
Though not forever

You and I
skin deep
layered with lifetimes
of epidermal decay
visceral wounds
neither one will confess
though not forever

We walk together
Separating
you and I
I with you
seeking connectedness
knowing the truth of our existence
though not entirely

Trauma triggers you
to be highly alert
to look for danger
at every turn

Oppression is cruel
and wounds the spirit
The truth about trauma
it has no limits

You may get labeled
Anxious or depressed
The truth about trauma
it never rests

It doesn’t have to be
through an accident, war or abuse
The truth about trauma
can be what didn’t happen for you

Neglect and rejection
cause tremendous pain
The truth about trauma
it leaves an invisible stain

Labels like low self concept
or insecure
Discount the truth about trauma
and the pain we endured

If you weren’t nurtured
and basic needs weren’t met
The truth about trauma
it changes our mindset

We believe we aren’t good enough
or permanently scarred
The truth about trauma
perception’s impaired

We are not damaged goods
no flawed character traits
The truth about trauma
doesn’t have to seal our fate

By reconnecting the mind, body
and soul
we uncover the truth about trauma
and reclaim the life that it stole

They say I have courage
But I’m living a lie
Voices from years past
fuel the terror inside

There’s room to grow
“Just surrender, just let go”
You’re not living in the past
It’s not your home

The outside world
Looks different, that’s true
but the story inside
will never let me break through

Painful lessons
Just coping to survive
and now you’re suggesting
I have the courage to thrive!

You may think you see
great potential in me
but the truth is
I will never be free

Not until I see
Great potential in me
and the truth is
Maybe I’m just too terrified
to be free

You many not like
A word I write
So let me make it
clear

I write to absolve
My torment of
The darkness
That ensues

To free this love
Satiate the mind
From which I can
Express

Not to see
How many hearts
I get
Or build my self esteem

Its not about my ego
Or the intellect I bring
Its passion, pain and prescription
That dance the tune I sing

Fair weathered friends
Passé at best
I seek to just be
Free

The child
Uncovered deep inside
She cries
Layers of open wounds
Fester beneath
Blanketed memories kept
HIDDEN

A mother
Lost in circumstance
Fear attacks love at all cost
She won’t compromise
Her need for security
Over the needs of the child
INSIDE

I am the mother
I am the child
Same vision
Two views
I am the parasite
I am the product
THE UGLY TRUTH

Years of torture
Without knowing why
Answers bubble to the surface
And down I spiral
Through the rabbit's hole
In darkness and despair
I SEEK TO FIND

There I am
She is what they see
Through eyes like mine
As the child they be
Fear induced patterns
Without security without
LOVE

Your words are filled with anger
Resentment lingers like secondhand smoke
on your grandfather’s favorite wingback
I knew you were bitter the second you spoke

Her words are filled with sadness
Sorrow consumes her like death
as she witnessed her mother fade away
I knew she was depleted by the sound of her breath

The battle began when tensions were high
Blinded by judgement you lost your sight
entangled in the web of misunderstandings
I knew your agenda and your need to be right

They sweep their truth up under the rug
conceal closets full of skeletons with doors that won’t close
Buried in the trenches of guilt and shame
where approval is smothered and bitterness grows

Both crying to be heard with mouths full of fear
spewing venom of spite laced with years of pain
Two prisoners of the past
a place neither one could sustain

Their connection is deep but riddled with scars
unhealed wounds have festered, tainting their hearts
Like unraveling wool on their favorite sweater
each longing to mend it without knowing where to start

I am lost in this place
filled with silence
chilled by lack of ease
drowning in misery

She sits in wrong
by societies views
this pretty creature
a sheep clothed by wolves

Passively she looks on
few decisions to make
its not worth the bother
to plan an escape

They will hunt you down
and tear out your soul
they know no mercy
death is their goal

So just take your place
and please keep still
it won’t take but a moment
one more victim to ****

She sits with misery, emptiness by her side
heavy waves of noisy despair
rush in and out of her mind
like the discordant crush of evening tides

Love waits patiently not far behind
for the perfect moment
to tickle her tepid heart in a
secret chamber where Hope resides

The first light of dawn glitters in eyes
time to heal won’t stand still
so Love’s spark ignites the wick of Hope
setting fire to her desires inside

The truth rejects every lie
as she gives birth to inner wisdom
there’s no room for despair
so misery takes emptiness outside

She sits with joy, compassion by her side
light waves of quiet peace
flow through her hopeful heart
like the rhythmic perfection of morning tides

Love exists from earth to sky
every moment is perfect
while the wick of Hope burns
so does her desire to shine

Twisted up inside my head
Your words they take control
You profess to love unconditionally
Yet judgement fills your soul

I try to keep it real
But you just can't seem to hear
Deflecting truthful imperfections
Like a Master Puppeteer

You came to me a teacher
So much wisdom I did gain
About Being and of gratitude
And a touch that caused me pain

You project that of a free spirit
Yet control's within your grip
Manipulation your choice of mind-****
Something YOU would never admit

The darkness lives within you
So much deeper than most can see
Blinded by the gifts you bear
They sell their souls for free

I'll admit it took some time
To let go and set me free
The wolf that lives inside of you
Won't devour what's left of me

The wind by it’s breath
renders me breathless.

The underlying peace within and beyond
all experience follows me here.

It beckons my attention to rest in the bliss of stillness through which this exquisite moment remains endless

Remember the time
You were sixteen and I was twenty-one
The inappropriate advancement
You made toward me
And I was shocked

Remember the time
You mentioned his name
How I betrayed the family
Was an embarrassment
And I cried

Remember the time
You reminded me
Of the razor blades
My trickles of blood
And how they stained you

Remember the time
You said I was a disgrace
And how they would talk
Behind my back
And you would feel ashamed

Remember the time
You took her word over mine
Drawing the line between us
You chose her over me
And I was excluded

Remember the time
You said I hurt her
And she needed to be
Protected from me
And I was to blame

Remember the time
You were at the show
With them
You acted like I didn't exist
And I cried

Remember the time
You got high with my son
After you knew his addiction
I asked you to stop
And you said it was my fault

Remember the time
You were seven
Had an accident walking home
She made fun of your misfortune
And I took care of you

Remember the time
You got the record deal
Were on the road
Struggling to make your claim
And I supported you

Remember the time
You confided in me
Shared your own
Struggles with addiction
And I listened

Remember the time
You called me still high
Crying your bad behaviour
Had lost your true love
And I consoled you

Remember the time
You tried
To get your life back on track
We talked a lot
And I counselled you

Remember the time
You lashed out at me again
When I shared my feelings
I was wrong to trust you
And I walked away for good

You gave birth to me
yet I have never been born
I am alive
yet never taken a single breath

I have been caught up in currents of time
yet this moment remains eternally still
I have traveled miles across this land
yet never taken a single step

I have had infinite conversations
yet never spoken a word
embraced many loved ones
yet never touched a single soul

I have cried oceans of tears
desperately searching for love
blindly unaware what I was seeking
was looking through my eyes

I have grieved a magnitude of losses
yet lost nothing at all
felt desperately alone
yet everywhere I looked, there I was

countless lifetimes
incalculable deaths
I am billions of galaxies in the Cosmos
yet I remain infinite emptiness

An Autumn breeze
Leaves resting at my feet
I oblige
These gifts
So graciously enchanting
Call to me

I wander unconsciously
With brazen disregard
Unapologetic
Crushing beneath me
I leave them for dead
Blindly being

Involuntary steps
I hold the cosmic GPS
Down this path
Already chosen
Awakening the slumber
The memories gently unfolding

I sit naked
Starkly white
Wide eyes staring
Intently through the trees
I am vulnerable
Yet wildly free

I remember
and joyfully surrender
To the beauty,
love and grace
To the home that never left me
We lovingly embrace

I am the graceless note that ruined a perfect symphony

You lie beside me
with romantic feelings inside
But they no longer exist for me
and I know every reason why

I do not feel guilty
for not giving you what you desire
I’ve spent years pretending
there were flames feeding my fire

Early on fear took control
and you began to sculpt me
crafting and moulding
until I became acceptable

I wanted to please you
and went along with your ploy
But I was blind to your agenda
and what you were going to destroy

Weeks turned into months
months into years
Decades have now passed
and you finally admit to your fears

Confessions cannot mend
what never was whole
You stripped my identity
and it’s taken its toll

The truth is my love
has diminished and faded
Your obsession with oppression
has left me apathetic and jaded

Today I am bound and determined
to shed your sallowed skin
and reclaim the original beauty
that has always existed within

I am the edge and the cliff
the toes dangling over the abyss
I am the readiness to fall
and the terror to fly

I am the wind against this skin
and the life altering decision
I am the falling and the flying
into and above this groundless ground

I am the asker for the push
and the push into its nothingness
I am the nothingness and the manifest
playing with the idea of existence

Blue skies
Warm winds
The sun glistening
on my winter skin
Trees lengthen branches
and sprout their wings
A joyful birdsong echoes
in a sea of green
Bees lustfully caressing
flowers in bloom
Young lovers falling
deeply
into a swoon
Summertime energy
Is all around
But the emptiness inside
has already filled me
to the brim

I am in a prison
cells overflowing with rage
penetrating so deep
within me
now

This anger is all consuming
energy is so draining
blood is boiling
over it
peaks

Spewing, sputtering hate and evil
eyes wide open vessels
popping the top
hat off
kilter

Cannot stop to see straight
jacket is on now
And then I
cry out
loud

Inside trickles of time and distant pasts
I’ve walked this crooked path
Each long and gnarly trail
Unearth hidden truths within the shale

Oceans unleashing tyranny
Expose the mangled mind
Rushing rivers cleanse swiftly
Into the lake of clarity to transform me

Raindrops create the ripples
Distorting our perfect reflection
Shifting the eyes of perception
For the sake of Evolution

We seek to conquer the Mountain
Before we find the ground
Forgetting the richness within the soil
Is the foundation that makes her whole

As I am this crooked path
The trickles of time and recent past
I take flight as the wind is free
And softly whisper to me;

You are the crash within each wave
The ripple inside each drop of rain
You are each question within your doubting
And the richest soil within the mountain

Outside my window
darkness pervades naked branches
as dusk settles beneath the horizon

A pale blue sky lingers in quiet contemplation
while the last glimmers of daylight
ripple through puddles
soaking the outskirts of shadows

Today takes its final breath
and it's here I find solace
weeping inside its death

But ephemeral thoughts
quickly lose their shape
swallowed by the stillness of night

My body mind lets go
I become driftwood guided by soul
embarking on an odyssey
I come to rest outside of space, beyond time

Now rooted
I am the ground
the unwavering abyss
The Source of all that is

My words are so protected
terrified to lose themselves
in others misunderstandings

So I battle for the cure
of their never ending war
in amongst the trenches

As they lie dormant inside
awaiting the perfect moment
and the safest place to escape

Overcome by numbness
and the inability to speak
I reek of battlefield sorrows

Their grave misunderstandings
cut deeply into my core
and I uncontrollably bleed the truth

My words unravel in a fury
valiantly staking their claim
to never lie dormant again

Truth is not a thought of the mind nor a scene through the eyes but the depths to which one feels love radiating from their soulful heart

Were you truly prepared
At the age of twenty-three
to bring your first born into the world
and unconditionally love me?

You said I was a mistake.
But is that really the truth?

Did you know whom he was
when you two first met?
That he would never meet your needs
and you would settle for that?

You said he was rebellious.
So why did you commit?

Were you over your head
when your son made three?
Did you contemplate leaving
before he slept with Sherry?

You said he wasn’t trustworthy.
So why did you stay?

What made you decide
it was for the best
to alienate my daddy
and keep me oppressed?

You said he didn’t love us.
But did he really say that?

When did manipulation
become such a tool?
And why are you so selfish?
What happened to you?

You said you had a good childhood.
But who didn’t nurture you?

Was the little girl adored
cherished and blessed?
Or did terror control you
through your dad and his fists?

You said he was a professional boxer.
Was it gloves off outside the ring?

Was she truly prepared
flying thousands of miles away?
She left a loving family
Did she know the price she would pay?

You said she struggled everyday.
Why did Grandpa abandon her, why didn’t he stay?

Why were you often so out of control?
Yelling and hitting us so much
Do you know how terrifying that was?
Were you really so unhappy with us?

You said you did your best.
Did you know that wasn’t good enough?

Who tore the love
from your little girl’s heart?
Who stole your innocence
and blackened your heart?

You said your memory was bad.
Did you bury the answers deep inside?

Why did you see me
as a caregiver to you?
At five years old
I wouldn’t have known what to do

You said I was your confidante.
Will you ever know the damage you’ve done?

Do you long for acceptance
like I do every day?
Will you ever understand
why I had to walk away?

I know you remain a child of war.
So will I ever stop expecting you to love me more?

I seek to finally uncover
The truth that’s deeply hidden
Still the shadows and the darkness
Leave me sick; I am disease-ridden

In a place of utter misfortune
My mind is not at ease
The past she leaves me burdened
Unable to truly grieve

Crocked are the pathways
Through this journey I do stumble
Over judgments and harsh labels
Wrapped in constant turmoil

They say adversity gives birth to wisdom
An open heart will set me free
Perhaps I lack in vulnerability
Or am just too blind to see

Within this thoughtless moment
and this wordless breath
I am

It pours relentlessly
I am drowning in a sea
of my own insufficiency
suffering in silence
alone

I lack courage
to compete with my denial
and sink into the depths
of sorrow
letting it swallow me whole

I stand before you
Naked
stripped of everything
you have ever said,
done,
thought,
of me
Your ugly words
harsh judgements
devastating critiques
misdirected Anger
lingering sadness
those bitter tears
of undeniable
disappointment
Idle.
A ***** drift
of soot
bury my feet
So I weep
I weep for you
for me
for Us
and for the world of endless
Sufferers................................................­......
and watch in awe
as the raging river
washes away
Our past
Present
our future
Gone
by dawn,
Love.
A flood - your life
Faded away
My life
Sharply focused
I stand before you
Seeing myself
For the very first
Time
stood still
basking naked
in the vastness
of my Truth
When
through the whispering
winds
prolonged echoes                  D
of Freedom                         E
christened me               R
and                           A          
I                           O
                        S

Can I undress this torment
With a lingering, sultry intent?
****** her till she's lusted
Run like hell once I am naked

Turning on my witty charm
I take her swiftly by the arm
Looking deep into those eyes
Until she reveals every filthy lie

I will come across as flirty
Lick my lips while talking *****
A tongue lashing may do it
If not I'll storm the cockpit

I'm not afraid to turn this trick
In order to be free of this
Some may call me cheap
Others know I go too deep

I have something to say
but my thoughts scatter
like crisp dead leaves
abandoned by their trees
obscure as ominous clouds
concealing the sun
my wounds bleeding all over time
but these pages remain starkly White
as I’m choking on a mouthful
my mind ruminates
on every last tormenting word
that continues to remain
Unexpressed

I am in denial
of this untouchable pain
I cannot heal
Where does tenderness go
when I am not enough?
as shards of shame
pieces of this shattered soul
collect themselves in my fascia
intertwining misery around bones
and dulling my light
with their dense shadows

A collection of masks
hang neatly behind my closet door
ready to cover up vulnerability
willing to wage war
aloof, pretty, **** and sweet,
being more than enough to all I meet
rebellious, witty, charming and mean
willing to do anything
not to be seen
I’ve worn them all
they’ve all worn me out

I must be ready to heal
surrender to uncertainty
be willing to feel
nourish emotional pain
with compassion to be real
to give vulnerability
centre stage
and free my tenderness
from its desolate cage
it’s only when I unmask the concealed
will this shattered soul finally heal

I am the ever-changing sound which beckons me to listen

“Can u see me?” I wondered
As I followed your gaze
This seeker of validation
required acceptance and praise

I would lash out in anger
or be innocent and sweet
Whatever got me noticed
I aimed to please

My tears were never good enough
my sadness out of place
Not allowed to express my feelings
as fear and anguish blemished my face

When the energy began to build
I learned to scream and shout
It was the only way I knew
I could get my feelings out

A child craving acceptance
in a jail cell I called home
I longed to be acknowledged
where I always felt alone

A quarter century later
I have set myself free
The jailer was found guilty
the judge and jury destined to be me

The truth lies in the undercurrent of wishful thinking, relentlessly bubbling just below the surface, in a mind so polluted it can no longer sustain us. The mind is powerful and if given too much control can run amuck, wreaking havoc in our lives and causing us to believe we are powerless.

Every single one of those unfulfilled wishes continues to reside within that murky mind just waiting for the right stream of light; that one spark of hope, to be reborn. The time for trusting and believing in ourselves is now.

Can you count the times you have felt creativity flowing through you but you held back pursuing your dreams because of fear? The “what if’s” becoming so overwhelming you shut down all that passion and joy just so you could go back to feeling safe? The ego LOVES to keep us safe and should be appreciated when the need for survival arises. But we aren’t living in a world full of sabre tooth tigers anymore and there is a great cost to us when we are simply choosing to exist and become unwilling to accept there is a powerhouse of infinite energy within us. If nourished and attended to, it would change our lives forever. Think of the ego as one dust particle in a sea of infinite stars.

The truth of who we are is vast and powerful.

I want you to know I see you. I see what you are capable of, I see the brilliance of your light and I want you to know that you can see it too.

Take a moment now and put your hand to your heart, connect to it, feel it beating. Close your eyes and feel the beauty that is you. This is your powerhouse and we are the infinite stars my friends. It is time to be vast and powerful, it is time to soar.

#lovemorefearless ❤️

It is an anchor thickened with age
tiny fractures induced by love
do not lance its hardened core
scaled with the red rust of rage
it ensures I am uncared for

Infrangible are these chains
that have rendered me confined
interlocking coils I can’t seem to break
have inflicted immeasurable pain
and a lifetime of heartache

There are moments I believe I can soar
blinded by realistic illusions
I expand my wings and take flight
shocked disbelief as I crash once more
I lack sacred truth and simple insights

Do I give in and embody the tethers,
surrender to my self limitations and
buy the lies of this mortal mind?
Or stitch my brave heart back together
forever detached from the ties that bind?

A silver lining
crosses an endless horizon
deep silence echoes
over a waveless shore
I inhale the stillness
and it breathlessly welcomes me
wandering leisurely
into the stream
adrift in oceanless tides
beyond the boundless edges
escaping time
the voiceless in everything
whispers to me
“you are the threading of this tapestry
unveil its serenity”
and the verity of love
became me