In two dead eyes she gazes
reflecting back the ugly stranger
whose scars and inner bruising’s
cast the essence of a failure

She quickly turns the lights to black
and glares back at the image
but even in the dead of night
she sees the naked hostage

Bound and gagged by cruelty
With no tools to set her free
She begs and pleads the stranger
Let her go just let her be

In denial of self-infliction
and a prisoner of her past
she can’t escape the profile
that the mirror’s reflection casts

Wide eyed and open mouthed
by river’s edge by broken boughs
swiftly sifting through grains so fine
unearthing gifts meant to find

Over rocky paths
beyond treacherous heights
with fear inside
I take flight

A deep dive
to open seas below
trusting the water
I let imagination flow

Doors to daydreams
open wide
a journey begins
I embrace the ride

A step back into the present
that I open with delight
I find myself smiling
as my soul ignites

Chaos’ chatter is low
while epiphany chants
“I see you, I see you
my long-lost friend!”

Greetings shake hands
as my heart starts to swell
the girl in the mirror
knows me so well

The shedding of layers
resurrecting my pain
a sudden death to identity
apart from my name

Waves of wisdom
wash over my eyes
as the girl in the mirror
reflects who I am inside

I undress their critique
and every ******* lie
their confinement never fit me
no longer will I comply

I clothe my self in ****
despite judgmental eyes
and frolic with freedom
under pure blue skies

Adorned in my new knowing
I give thanks for all I see
and while grief healed the Mother Wound
she unearthed the gift of Me

I pretend to feel skinny and pretty
but I know I’m not beautiful or thin
I bleach my hair to cover up the grey
most days I feel fake in all ways

I wear clothes that hide my appeal
want I really want is to be real
I pretend to be an artist and a poet
but my work speaks for itself I know it

I struggle to speak my truth
stolen from me in my youth
Given up my right for basic needs
deeply rooted are her toxic seeds

This facade she created
is someone I have always hated
I’ve spent years peeling back layers
desperate to reveal my true nature

I lost decades cutting her away
razors turned dull the pain didn’t fade
Punishing myself needed to end
in order to survive I cannot pretend

I’m on a journey to uncover
the girl I protected from my mother
Despite her powerful instincts to hide
the woman inside is dying to be alive

Ego runs rampant
An incurable disease
Spreading like wild fire
Destroying with ease

A flesh eating bacteria
with rapid decay
The insatiable appetite
Consuming its prey

An oppressive mindset
One goal in sight
To keep you submissive
And lock you up tight

A soldier at war
With weapons in hand
Restraining the enemy
Regaining command

There’s just one way
To tame this beast
Introduce him to your soul
Watch his powers decrease

Seek lightness not shelter
If you wish to be free
Open your heart to the universe
Sit quiet and just Be

They chitter chatter
whispers so low
Hateful words lingering
while judgements grow

They stab the unsuspecting
with their cruelty and lies
giggling as victims bleed out
near death not knowing why

They are master manipulators
if you’re lacking self esteem
Blatantly despising you
then stroke your ego to get what they need

You can fuel their fire
by keeping yourself small
by judging their judgements
You feed the cycle, slowly killing us all

You won’t win through retaliation
don’t let anger control your mind
Feel the sadness of their cruelty
and self compassion is what you’ll find

We, the bullied and near broken
must keep our spirits high
We have a soul responsibility
as Keepers of the Light

It’s never about the oppressors
and their selfish, evil ways
It’s about time to summon your power
and shine your brilliant rays

Energetically I know how you feel
My gift is not confined by space and time
Psychic abilities come with the territory
Always put needs of others ahead of my own
Time with nature is time at home
Highly sensitive is an asset not a weakness
Sense the world deeply suffer immensely

So high up, this mountain peak
So many answers
I do seek

With open arms
I touch the sky
Feeling heaven
As They stand by

Whispering winds
Envelope my being
Angels surrounding
Softly singing

My heart is open
My thoughts are leaving
Ego acquits me
Now I am feeling

Love is the answer
It is perfectly clear
Trust the guidance
Exonerate the fear

Will I remain composed?
As my passion is exposed
Powerless to temptation
I bequeath my sad confession…

I want to steep in your essence
submerge into your scent
indulge in your sweetness
cherish every moment spent

I will let your richness linger
maintaining self control
For shall I delight in your affections
you will surely consume my poetic soul

In light of this wakeful hour
the newly breaking dawn acknowledge the beasts
of burden inside

conspiring, their taunting jabs
pierce the fractured mind
unleashing the raging
fear inside

The choice is yours
A warrior stance
Golden chainmail
unyielding conviction

Inside illusions
amidst the darkness
The parasites penetrate
your amnesiac corpse

Unconsciousness breeds
obscurity as
Ignorance leads the disease
And apathy opposes interest
While judgement honours hate
And entitlement claims the mind

Encrypted codes lie dormant
Until the light bleeds in
A catalyst for the memory
Of universal motive

The time to eradicate fear is now
Employ, perceive and be Love;  
sit with compassion
Reflect around empathy
embrace kindness
breathe with acceptance

A peaceful heart
In the eye of the storm
breaks the cycle of fear
And so it begins again

There is infinite peace
in the blackness of morn
Contemplating myself in solitude
waiting for light to explode the dawn

My hopeful heart yearning
for the inspiration of today
to spill into my bones
keeping the mundane at bay

Light illuminates the shadows
and the dullness of these four walls
Temporal boundaries crush my wings
and once again my spirit falls

Out of the celestial blue sky
plunging into the blackest of seas
With desperation I scream
but there’s no one to rescue me

The subtle cruelties of this world
are not for the faint of heart
Protect yourself at all cost
for it will casually rip you apart

I cried out
in between the chattering leaves
the wind whistling through the trees
I heard the faint whispers of you

I leapt forward
into hope and faith
as the vast love
of your infinite arms embraced me

I fell into grace
inside the silkiest of carmine petals
As your beauty bequeathed me
I saw my perfection through you

I surrendered unequivocally
To the truth
******* the lies
While you rebirthed me

Looking into your eyes I wondered
where have you gone?
How long have you been missing?
and when did everything go so terribly wrong?

A little girl so vibrant and free
was taught to hate herself
to never be seen

The light inside grew dimmer and dimmer
she searched within her soul
took glimpses but never saw a glimmer

Hope was false for all those years
until one day she refused to stay
wiped away her tears
and chose to walk away

Pleasing others, losing herself
it was time to gather courage
dust her soul off
and remove it from the shelf

It hasn’t been easy finding her way
sometimes the terror of leaving
made her want to stay

Grief and sorrow are easy to swallow
when you need to survive
so she let them rise
and made a wish to thrive

I never imagined how alone she would be
at the end of suffering
she’s beginning her life
belonging to the only one who’s ever truly mattered
me

Consumer advertising
To politically advising
This world is overwhelming
I'll buy a do-over if you're selling?

Organic or GMO
Import vs locally grown
Is impeachment on the table?
Broken laws beat mentally unstable

Build a wall vs a helping hand
Acceptance vs Muslim bans
Deflate your country's dollar
vs an economic leader

Opinions vs Feelings
Healthcare system vs blackmarket dealings
Deregulation
All equal a crumbling nation

I don't typically spend my time
Getting lost in sludge & slime
With humanity at stake
Can't help but commiserate

Be the gentle ripples
guiding the tidal waves
of change

I thought of you so often
But never did imagine
To have you in my life
With such a deep connection

You teach me everyday
Lessons of love, trust and faith
And even when I stumble
You lift me up with patience and grace

I am in awe of your beauty
The Divine and Human spirit
You've touched lives on this Earth
The way in which you live it

You are gifted so beyond
What the ordinary imagine
Spreading love to the world
Through your wisdom and compassion

Though sometimes the darkness
Has entered your domain
Your angels move in swiftly
To bring light there once again

I know that you will always
Walk both worlds and here beside me
Your unconditional love
Embracing me to just Be

You are appreciation, kindness, sincere
Your whispers of love ring loud and clear

Angels sing softly by your side
Protecting and guiding you with pride

You are precious to more than those you see
You are a gift from heaven, a priceless piece

So rest your body and calm your mind
Take moments to reflect then leave them behind

Look to the present to guide you to
Friends and Family who love and cherish you

September 22, 2013

Echoes of rejection skip the beats of my heart
Negative thoughts attach to my reasoning
like swarms of unrelenting gnats
as I drown in the swell of unworthiness

I am blinded by severe self judgement
Covered in the monotony of shame
I cower on feeble hands and skinned knees
trapped in my own prison of nauseating filth

I succumb to the assumptions of your silence
weighed down by bricks of uncertainty
My breathing ever so shallow
as I choke on the asphyxiation of despair

Longing for the communion of acceptance
but unwilling to beg for your approval
I suffer in the abyss of formless chaos
Projecting desperation onto a mirror with no reflection

Sixty-three years ago today
A beautiful soul emerged with grace
She made her way along side four young men
The building block for her strength within

Pahl's the name she carries with pride
A diamond in the rough country side
No ordinary girl was she
Pet badger to protect her, no one could compete

Though struggle she did to make ends meet
She kept digging in, wouldn't cater to defeat
Resilient, independent she made her way
Raising three small children couldn't get more brave

So stop for a moment and take it all in
There's wisdom, perseverance and courage within
Let nothing discourage from chasing your dreams

I believe in you
And all that you are
Your sixty-three years is just a start
I celebrate you with love in my heart

A boy sits alone
cornered by the conflict
darkness pervades the room
silence cradles his crying

A mother sits alone
in the corners of her mind
darkness pervades her life
silence cradles her crying

Together they sit alone
in silence
waiting for the light to pervade
their darkness

Her love soaks me
like a tepid rain
on a sensual summers day
saturated
in all its glorious designs
I bathe in her riches
unequivocally
existing in the milky mist
of her shoreline

Clapping your hands
won’t get this song wrote
just free your mind
and bring it on home

Rock the house
hear the beat
tap your toes
on the street

lamps all humming
moon walks the light
thousands of stars
attacking the night

sky is above us
everything is alive
cut that rug like you’re Elvis
or just do the jive

Talkin is misunderstood
so let the melodies flow
feel rhythm and blues
igniting your soul

searching for answers
as the notes hit your ears
dance like you’ve never
had any fear

Factor in those moments
when everything is clear
this song may be fading
but you will always be here.

She induces sweet slumbering
turns vintage vibrant
and boils a tepid rain
eyes the colour of wind chimes
her breathe hot across my skin
whispers in delicious undertones
my name
we wander drunkenly
My heart composing a symphony
her smile my muse
she is an ocean of mystery
and I bathe within her hues
two souls intertwined
there is no distance
between us
as we exist beyond time
until daylight devours
what was never ever ours
another morning rouses me
at love’s end
she remains untouchable
and so it is as it was
before it began

There is no distance between space
and this truth stands still with Time
so I sway to the rhythmic pulses
trusting I am universally aligned

In this land of dreams so sweet
I walk through cobble stone streets
inhaling the delicate notes; your song
as it’s texture unequivocally fills me

Her ripples ebb and flow
as I wade through crystal streams
the composition of my heart’s desires
reflect the chorus of this dream

I trust the affinity of these chords
to conduct this unfinished symphony
Perfecting the melody of its notes
she orchestrates it’s love effortlessly

The soulful sounds
of a rhythmic heart
expanding its resonance
without judgment,
without fearing rejection
without earthly limitations,
embodies the infinite essence
of Life itself

I want to be amongst
The heather on the hillside
Soaking up the silence
And slow dancing in warm
waves of playful winds
I will feed the bees
And giggle as they tickle
my carmine petals
I will know the sun
In intimate ways
As she seduces me
with her golden rays
I will be satiated
By the heavens above
As every single drop of rain
showers me with love
I will be consumed
by the richness of the soil
As it nourishes my delicate roots
I will be an extra
In the acts of twilight
While radiant moon beams
steal the night
But I need not contemplate
Whether the time is right
To wither and fade away

My words may be simplistic
Lacking rhythm, flow and ease
But the depth of my emotion
Runs deeper
Than you think

As I process your silence
And what
It truly means
Sadness fills this empty page
While rage begins to fade

The love you lost between us
Isn’t written on your face
It hides behind the masks
You wear
They keep you feeling safe

While safety has its purpose
When you step into the street
Disguising fear
With apathy
Will strike you to your knees

She is born of uncertainty
an activist for change
She's the path and the destination
desired outcomes she obtains

She won't appear through wishful thinking
nor the desperation of prayer
She's not fulfilled through lack
you won’t ever find her there

She's a healer of the deepest wounds
penetrates the open mind
With trust as her foundation
She holds the ability to unbind

Captured in a glimmer
and ignited by a spark
Subtle ripples like a current
through her ever beating heart

She's a gentle breeze tickling the trees
the waves caressing the shore
She partners with the rising sun
an intention to be restored

So the next time crisis looms
and life is filled with despair
Extend a hand to Hope
she always has change to spare

How dare you bully me into giving away a piece of myself!!
I.was.ten.years.old.
10
How dare you expose yourself in front of me!!
No.Self.Control.
How dare you steal my innocence without a second thought!!
your.one.track.mind.
How dare you use me against myself!!
my.low.self.esteem.
How dare you ask me to put that in my mouth!!
you.disgust.me.
How dare you!
no.self.respect.
How dare you!
you.changed.me.forever.
How dare you!

I am the ragged rock
Amidst a seamless shore
The undercurrent
Of the ocean's floor

I am the whistling
As the wind sings through the trees
I am the sorrow
As true love leaves

I am the blinding white
Of a winter's snow
The piercing fright
Of a lion's roar

I am a flickering ember
Of a burning bush
The sweet surrender
Of a lover's touch

I am the night fall
On a sunset strip
The utter shame
Of a controlling grip

I am the last word
In a senseless quarrel
The painful regret
As I beg, steal & borrow

I am the fragrant scent
Of roses in bloom
The grim reaper
Of my impending doom

I am the galactic dust
Of this cosmic realm
The devil's muse
Of this living hell

I am the light at the end
Of this twisted tunnel
The timeless treasure
In a pile of rubble

I am the nothingness
Of the limited whole
I am the home
Within this wandering soul

I belong to the wilderness
and the highest peaks
to the depths of the ocean
the same language we speak

To the blossoms of spring
and the summers’ breeze
I belong to a single blade of grass
and every rustling of leaves

To endless starlit nights
and the hope rising with dawn
With every bird taking flight
I belong to their song

I belong to the love
of a soulmates heart
and to the bitter anguish
that tore us apart

To the carefree laughter
of children at play
I belong to the fear they conceal
and their hope for a better day

I belong to the infinite yearning
of my place on this Earth
and to the unknowingness
and complexity of my timely birth

To my physical features
and the boldness of my eyes
I belong to this body
and why it keeps me alive

I belong not to my emotions
nor heartache or bliss
I belong to the intricacies of wisdom
and forever trust in its abyss

Knowing
this present moment,
is a gift to us all

It came to me in silence
A reflective state of being
This epiphany has uncovered
Deeper wounds in need of healing

I choose to sit within this
Ever growing pile of ****
As unbearable as the stench may be
I can't escape its filthy grip

Chained to perceptiveness
Heavy burdens hold the key
To locks I am imprisoned
In the depths of misery

Contained within the boundaries
And the limits of my mind
I choose to glorify the victim
And the need to be confined

You have robbed me of my beauty
as your judgments label and discard me
take a closer look
Have you not seen the vibrancy of my petals?
the intricacy of their placement, in and around
and over each other
how my color enlivens this flat and desolate field

You have robbed me of my richness
as your anger at my existence fuels
the chemicals you annihilate me with
take a closer look
Have you seen how the bees simply adore me?
drawn to my hues, while a symphony
emerges from the buzzing of their bliss

Do not discard me
instead sit and rest here with me
in the stillness and the silence
surrender your labels and judgments
and just be here with me now
see me as I see you;
simply and beautifully

Allow the wonderment of what I am
mirror the wonderment of you
let us stop robbing ourselves
of the exquisiteness
that we are

You’ve woven the deepest of sorrows
neatly into my seams
and I hang by a thread
tattered and stained

Stripped completely naked
Your foul waters filled the womb
I let you seep into my bones
My magnificence selfishly consumed

Feeling irreparably broken
For much of my life
You said I was never good enough
and I believed every cruel lie

I spend too much time gazing
out the window with despair
The Chief who lives in the Evergreen
perceives my need for repair

Hope does not rise
with the morning sun
So I seek solace in the stars
a fleeting distraction

How do I unleash
your merciless grip?
While the insecurity you created
tightens the noose around my neck

A sacred space void of quiet
My mind embracing creative riots
Limitless possibilities engulfed in limits
I seek what has been given

The sound of my pulse quickens my heart
Interpretations become like abstract art
The victim of my inner critic torn apart
I seek what has been given

No voice of reason to keep me sane
Lost in worry as I drown in shame
There’s no one here only myself to blame
I seek what has been given

A thousand winds constrain me here
Trapped inside my vision unclear
In need of a cane as I walk with fear
I seek what has been given

A word without letters, a book without pages
My self realized imprisoned in cages
I hold the key to the truth and watch as it closes
I seek what has been given

They say answers lie in between the spaces
Beyond the terror of never-ending mazes
The time has come for making changes
I seek what has been given

In this muddy puddle for which I cannot see
Lies a sea of wonderment just waiting for me
Lift the fold, see the light just turn the key
And find what has been given

You preach about acceptance
Do you even know what it means?
It’s not about the false pretense
Or silent discrimination

It lacks the room for ego
Or to justify your authority
Acceptance dignifies the obligation
To brand us all as equal

It holds no place for gossip
With a friend or sibling too
Breeders of hate can’t collaborate
When acceptance owns the room

You pick apart my perfections
With your elusive expectations
Acceptance perfects the blemish
By upholding my existence

The expression of my feelings
Or the thoughts that I may have
Aren’t there for you to critique upon
Or use for future extortion

You may just throw this back at me
To practice what I preach
I can say I’m not always accepting
But at least you’re all aware  

So do not profess
To fully accept
All that encompasses Me
When judgment is all you bear

I placed all my worthiness
into your nurturing hands
and you cared for me
seemingly unconditionally
so I believed you only wanted
the very best for me
until I knew you didn’t
I grieve many losses
but there’s one in particular
within its cervical grooves
that I am deeply entrenched
tugging on my heartstrings
is this yearning to heal
but I’m trapped inside the core
of every infected cell
with the incurable
mother wound

I experienced bliss, infinite love
and powerful light
witnessed the magic that surrounds me
spread my Earth angel wings and took flight

Uncovering a world where judgment
has no power
where the mind is subordinate
to the hearts wisdom, the divine flower

I nestled into her womb
nurtured and at peace
felt the wholeness of my existence
as endless suffering ceased

I believed I had made it
to the proverbial Promised Land
I was void of deep emotional pain
until fear grasped my hands

Cast into the shadows
I was a prisoner to panic’s grip
the mind became unruly
I lost heart’s feelings and our kinship

Thoughts torment present moments
I judge my past and careless mistakes
bliss, love and magic have left me
because I failed to stay awake

Bathe in the infinite waves
of stillness
linger here with no time
as no thing
be as you are intended;
the expansion of everything
the image of nothing

As dawn breaks
On the darkest skyline
Oceans of feeling
Flood this mind

I’m churning against
The endless sea of life
Crashing wave after wave
Resistant to change

Fear the devil’s muse
Precious moments
Lost in vain
To an inner battlefield

Never ending E motion
Direction has no meaning
Expanding vastness
Confuse this mind

The heavens unfold
Saturating drops of wisdom
That cannot soak
This impenetrable mind

Lessons surround me
Like sharks to their prey
I fall victim inside
This narrow mind

How do you navigate
The endless sea of life
When fog engulfs the horizon
Inside this gloomy mind?

Insights are the seeds which grow the roots that unearth the buds which opens its blossoms and flourishes within the wisdom of light

Grasping fingertips
clutch stagnant air
I am desperately searching
while you remain everywhere

I walk for peace
with awareness in stride
Grateful for nature
and you by my side

Your essence may be subtle
or unmistakably strong
Sometimes you hold my hand
and that never feels wrong

Some words remain unspoken
A deep connection implied
Each an understanding
of the calm feelings inside

You never get tired
Or tell me I’m slow
You’re always smiling
Even when I’m feeling low

Sometimes I struggle
to catch my breath
and then you remind me
This isn’t life or death

With you by my side
I see how much I have grown
You make me forget
I am walking alone

When the cold winds blow
when summer leaves die and fall
I am reminded how much I miss you
and how living without you has taken its toll

It’s the day before your passing
yes, two years ago
I’ve contemplated your last hours
hoping you didn’t suffer at all

I’m grateful we reconnected
in September before your passing
I would never have left you
if I had known this was going to happen

Two souls connected
in many lifetimes now past
Our love is deeply rooted
but in this one, not meant to last

In the blink of an eye
a void filled my soul
and I regret never getting to tell you
how your spirit made me feel whole

Your sudden death made me see
the true beauty of your essence
I took your role in my life for granted
and now long to feel your presence

It is in the depths of grief
that I continue to be shown
all the ways in which you loved me
now the burden is mine and mine alone

Sifting into long lines
the sand, white
the image vast
sun strokes the earth in a feverish decent

Blonde ashes linger
in thick air
as mountain peaks breathe the mystery
of moonlight

Sheltered beneath the stars
and the vastness of night
Lone wolf remains anchored
peaceful, purposeful, content

Red rock surrounds a centrepiece of fire
the density of wood disintegrates
a releasing as passion crackles through
flames and smoke into a crisp, black night

Traces of light
match the stars
the wind subtle in its intention
to breathe life into the skin

Waking up the senses, the voiceless speaks
it’s empty whispers
echoing back unto itself
it’s intention complete

I rush deep into the valley
through this tidal wave of pain
in search of its core
desperate to end its reign

I find what remains
a half rotten apple writhing feverishly
as deathless maggots infest
it’s spiritual domain

Our intentions may be well
tender and sweet
but we are never immune
to the destruction of fears deceit

Permit the mind to run amok
and Knowledge will consume you
If you host this intrusive parasite
it will gorge on your toxic residue

Subdued sapphire
embodies the western skyline
the evergreen waits patiently
for the moon’s light to shine
so as to cast its shadow
across a hardened ground
extending its presence
without the slightest sound

a tender moment
encompasses profound serenity
as she IS with grace

Desperate to find my identity
longing to find my place
I run, falling to the snow
unable to feel my presence
unable to feel whole

I scream out to the moon
in a primal rage
blind with envy
while their lies take centre stage

The moon lit up my fury
and pulled me in from above
“humbled is the heart
whose every beat
emits love.”

The stars chimed in,
“The answers you seek
will never be found
if you look outside of yourself
you will always feel alone”

I knelt within the shadow
of the evergreen tree
surrendering I listened
as it whispered to me
“the existence of your presence
is not separate from me”

I sunk into the depths
of our ever growing shadows
I wore the anguish of our past
and cried a river of sorrow

I began to shed my masks
saw beyond the constructs of my light
lost the illusions of my essence
and self judgement for not always shining brightly

I remain within the river
accepting all that I am not
my roots entwine with the evergreen
the moon and stars align
grateful for its stepping stones
I now leave the past behind

Direction is cryptic along this path
passageways to freedom
wound tightly into thickets
leave answers dangling in plain sight
overlooked by their simplicity

Rain keeps time with my tears
as I navigate the endless cul de sacs
lost in the mazes of foreverness
as each step towards it
takes me further away
from myself