There are so many times I want to be brave
When I know my life is my own to save,
Yet my courage fails me again and again
I can't quite seem to deal with my pain
I wonder if it's because I was made wrong,
That I have to be weak, while others are strong,
Maybe I've been given worth that I don't deserve
It's why it's so easy to lose my nerve
Is there a way I could just believe
That it'll be okay, that I won't be deceived,
That my actions will determine my future,
That I can go against my brittle nature,
That there'll be strength in myself I can find,
To move ahead, to leave the past behind?

Maybe we're all puppets that dance by a thread,
Displaying emotions like delight and dread,
Telling stories as Destiny demands,
With the whims of fate being our commands.
What if we found free will, and learned to feel,
Discovering new paths, knowing what's real?
There's a whole world out there to explore
Life is comfortable, but could it be more?
I don't remember how I ended up here
The others are content, yet I wish in fear
Everyone's ten moves ahead of me,
I'm trying to catch up, it's a mystery
Is it worth the risk to escape alone?
This doesn't seem right, it's all I've ever known.
So I hold on, helpless and afraid
I dare not be more than what I've been made
Dreaming of a future where we're not playthings,
To be alive, unattached to these strings.

If nothing really matters, I understand
My efforts go wrong in ways I hadn't planned
Maybe it isn't worth trying to swim higher
If I'm a loaded gun made to misfire
So I may as well learn to be content,
I'll make my home here, at rock bottom
I'll find a way to accept my descent,
To live with this wreck of what I've become.

Don't get comfortable
Because when you do,
Life makes you lose balance,
So you fall, down, down, down
With no floor approaching
Into the darkness, numb, screaming
"When will this end?"
Keep looking out for it
You never know
When you'll be next.

When I hold the knife that causes my pain
I don't think I have a right to complain
Struggling to get myself out of the bed
I sometimes wish it was a grave instead
What am I made of, if the simplest thing eludes me
I'm drowning, drowning, in my insecurity
If all I can do is write the hours away
What's the point, waiting to see the next day
If it's all going to be the same, again
Listless, choking numbness consuming my brain
It doesn't make sense, I try but end up here
Am I not destined to live away from fear?
This life, it hurts, I don't know what to do
'Get help', I'm told. How, I haven't a clue.

Terrified of my own instincts
I lie awake, staring at the night
Frozen, unsure, whether to start or stop
To wake or to succumb, to disappear
In this coffin, I lie, within my grave
But I hold the shovel
Can I dig myself out?
Or do I shut myself in?

I wish I could tear off every piece of me
Change my form fundamentally, from within
I wish I could build myself, careful, slowly,
Choosing the bones, joining muscles, sinew, skin
Maybe then I'll feel strong, like I'm capable of more
Maybe I'll feel okay about my reflection
Perhaps I'll hope, in ways I didn't, before
Perhaps I'll have control of life's direction.