Let's teach something that's empty, to be broken. Let's teach a ghost to bleed. Let's teach a kid to be dead.

Get closer to your dad's gun, than your dad. Inch the barrel to your teeth, saw off the end and the limbs you don't need to hold it. Burst your blood vessels like fireworks, New Year's Eve. This is the dawn of your abandonment of everything you love. Become attached? Find a flaw. **** them anyway. They make you feel alive? Make sure they know that they are the reason you wanted to die in the first place. You love them? **** yourself. Cut yourself. Find a way to make yourself bleed. You cannot win, you cannot let yourself win anything. No, not a single thread of anyone's heart, especially after you pull the strings taut and snap them until they foam from the mouth. You can see their eyes flip up back into their head, staring at their brain to see why they're still putting up with you. This, this is how you know you won in the only way you want to.

Let people know just how to break you. You go into the bathroom and flick on the light, look into the mirror as it illuminates your ugly sunken face. The smokes didn't take a couple years off your life, you'd say it added around 10 judging by the dark plum circles under your eyes and brittle nails. Your reflection blinks laboriously as say your name, 3 times, slowly, and she does not love you. You are still not enough for her. She is still not here. You are still scarred and addicted and hideous. You are alone and afraid and still just as ****** up. Even your own reflection turns its back to you.

The addictive pain keeps you [in]sane. Your friends are all nonexistent, those who know you, don't know you. You quit the pills for the girl next door but you're just spilling cleaner, safer blood now. Your wrist never thanked you for leaving it alone, but everyone else soon will. ******* is your other name. ******* is your philosophy. Love you or hate you, you still hate you so what does it matter?

But hey, I've stopped believing in God but I keep seeing him everywhere. I've seen him in every ******'s poor eyes and their rough, calloused, sliced open hands. I've seen Him in the footprints left by kids in the grass. He's in every word I write and breath I take. You think I haven't wanted to kiss the forehead of someone just like you? You think I haven't imagined myself telling you it's gonna be okay a thousand times? If you want your love confession you got it right here. Kid, you can call yourself a pacifist when you stop beating the **** out of yourself. You're gonna meet someone who makes you regret trying to **** yourself slowly. Just put down the knife/broken glass/razor/ lost lover/pills/cigarettes/absent seatbelt/self hatred/lighter/memory and look up to the sky, the sun is shining fool. I love you and every dumb thing you do.

The children covet.
No longer pure.
There is a feeling.
An intimate feeling.
To grip anything breathing and just ******
the pain into oblivion.
Not love but lust.
Feelings are too much.
The children can run carelessly.
Playing with whomever is near.
Whether it's forceful or submissive.
All have been warned.

**Circle Two

You begged for my heart
So I gave it to share
But you snatched it away
And left me bare

I asked for it back
Or else I would die
But you didn’t care
You just said goodbye
BOEMS BY JA 505

On a shore where the waves embrace the sand
Lies the hug land.
“No words, please, we only hug and kiss”
is all you will find,
speaking there is only with mind!
They were not late
To know words only complicate,
Make a mess
Of what the heart says.
Rotten clichéd stale
They more often fail
To make the desired sense,
More potent is silence.
Lover, sister, brother
Each hugs the other
In this faraway retreat,
They hug anyone they meet.

I kind of need you.. y'know... things in my life are a little messed up right now and some of it well, there's nothing I can do about it.
Just let it play out and have faith.
But I would come to you. Haha there's no other way.. I always did. I can hear you.. you'd have said to me ..
"Sunshine, come and sit with me a while, let's talk **** for a few hours, tell me what's troubling you in that pretty little head of yours'.
I know you would have patted the seat and smiled.
Then you would say..
'There's no better way to spend my day than with my Sunshine. There ain't nothing too big or to small for this old man so,
I will close my eyes and you can do all the talking.
And you would.
And after a minute or two, when we had stopped laughing,
it would go quite... and I would begin.

And when I had said my last word, you would have hugged me tight, dried my tears and looked right at me, so seriously..
and said..
"Well Sunshine, are you up for some digging? lets go get a ***** and sort this ****** out.. no questions asked”
We would have laughed at that too, I know it.
I hear your voice inside my head sometimes, or maybe it’s my voice, but the words are yours. Funnily enough they are the same things I say to my children. But in my head I hear them from you. No matter where I am or what I do, I will always be your little girl.. no matter what okay.

**** it.. I miss you. You have no idea. And I love you.
For all time. ****... this is messed up. It just seems like
you've been gone forever.. and forever's long enough in anyone's book.

You are my spring, my summer, my autumn, my winter..
And with every moment that I have left in this ****** up world and with all my stupid heart..  
I will always be your girl .. Always and forever your sunshine.

In this world.
Built on  foundations
of  temporary truth.
Where the root
is the limit of any route.
Growing into the stories
we are taught, from
the consensus in which we live.
We must remember,
truth can be changed.
new foundations can be built.
What is imagined can be what is.
Revolution;
is the gift we should give.

My sweet angel I fear with the stones I shall remain,
I am doomed to repeat this unhappy existence,
Where my memory lives on when the vines and the leaves are gone,
And I become inhuman, merely an energy

My love the warmth of your skin and the melody of your song,
Will haunt my being while I haunt the living,
These brick walls, this concrete jungle, this manufactured light
From where I come I shall return

And I may never ascend in this lifetime
I may never leave the next one

My summer seraph who guards the one who wears the crown,
Who smiles at the trumpet Gabriel plays as she makes her way back home,
And gates open, pearly and golden, and to those trapped in this cycle unknown,
I shall be caught in a never ending story when my ability to speak has gone

My sweet angel, soft voices, feather hair, and love,
I only want to hear what is better left unsaid,
How can I know that when I die, my body, my blood
I will not become a ghost, still with desire to touch you?

And my memories live on imprinted in stones, and cobble walkways, and iron-wrought fences
When I wish nothing more than to be forgotten, and to forget
I may never ascend in this lifetime
I may never leave the next one