I own a hula hoop
it's red with black and white racing pattens circling around the red
like something a person could use for a race
I own a hula hoop
shockingly i am not a little girl with pigtails who uses it
no i bought it at 19 at a fair
and people stared while i just didnt care
I own a hula hoop
not because it seems like a new age thing to do
or simply because its a good workout tool
no i own a hula hoop because i love the way it moves with me
i love the tricks and turns i can do with it
i own a hula hoop because it makes me feel in the moment
in turn with myself and my surroundings
it makes me want to buy another hula hoop

I am the nice girl
the cute girl
the friendly girl
the one who always smiles and asks how people are doing
and doesn’t expect them  to ask back
I am the sweet girl
the funny girl
the responsible girl
who takes care of others
because she’s afraid of what her mind will do if she ever decided to let loose
based on what others do
I am the calm girl
the nice girl
the cute girl
the one that feels she cannot accept being called beautiful
because such a word doesn’t seem worthy enough for her
Unlike being called
the loud girl
the annoying girl
the basic girl
all because of how and what i say and act and dress
which makes others think it’s okay
to judge base on words that people say
words to me can be a trick or treat
The treats are the words used to express me so positively
Cute funny nice smart
And the trick by the ones I had called friends
Calling me words that they use to bring me down
Loud annoying basic stupid
the words that we say or put on our brains can affect us everyday
I am the girl they call
cute and nice
Yet no one has ever thought my words would ever have more meaning
Or think twice
Because I have hidden them longer than anyone would ever know
see by the time i was 10
when my older sister
the pretty popular smart girl died
i was left broken down inside
and i ended up being the shy girl
who’s ideal of a friend was her grandma and eating ravioli
and watching tv
the sad girl
that cried each night hoping for such pain to end
Regrets so large and wide that I could never hide
the lonely girl
who had no one to call as friends for her own
the depressed girl
who wanted to runaway
who thought suicide at least more times a day
But never thought to express her pain
See I am not that simple
words do not express me
yet when people describe us we take their words
and use them as our own
words that wrap around us so tightly
that hold us in our hearts and cling to our minds
that we assume we are just the words that they tells us
Make us assume
we can’t be nothing else
simple small words
are what we end taking to be our own
and thinking nothing else
BUT I AM MORE THAN JUST A Nice, cute, SIMPLE MINDED GIRL
I am more than just those little words they throw at me
yet as touching and sincere as those words are
they don’t define me
they are words that can describe but yet when others hear it won’t they just assume the same
They change their blank canvas mind of me into the colors of what people say
making up their minds of me before they even see me
As if by hearing my name the painting in their minds is already created
Being shown too others
See I want to be more than just what others say about me
for i am a woman
who fights for whats right
overthinks,
that makes me sink and swim through the ocean in my mind
but can get to the shore in time
to fully appreciate life
and prove that not everybody is what they say to be
trust me
i used to be just a nice girl
Unlike everyone else
I perfer not to be a
Simply nice woman

i must be honest
i feel like i cannot expect this
this feeling of kindness
of love and acceptance
when all i feel is sadness
eating me alive
so much at times i wonder
how too feel

when i was younger books were a part of me
literally i couldn’t get them off of me
all the words flowing through my hands that i use to
S-P-E-L-L out with my hands
as if i am the writer and the words are my advantage
to create with imagination in grace
taking a big pace with the words in my hands
they are my best friend
my lover
my light
books are apart of me
they swim in my veins
twisting my brains
my thoughts are my in a poetic movement
reciting quotes that made me insane
only because of the meanings behind their sayings
becoming carved into my back and arms
shaking my core
for words mean much more to me
then what other people believe
while the cloud of overthinking and emotions flood my brain
books keep me tamped
like a lion locked in a cage
yet the lion will one day unlock that cage
of fear and doubt
and get out with wonder and cheer
like book theifs who steal and conceal
their hidden books
for the pure golden that is in their hands
for books stand as more then a book with just words
while i am  skin and bones
books are my heart
because i L-O-V-E them
don’t you?

I wanted to write a love poem where your hands are like chopsticks
Fun to use but hard to hold
Or how your touch gives me a buzz
Like Bees heading to their honey
To the flowers to hold the last of the pollon as if but just letting it all go the world will become nothing
Yet something is different when I kiss you
As your toungue escapes into my throat as if you can't use words to communicate so you put your lips on mine to show the truth
As if words cannot describe to you
How the lighting sets perfectly behind you
Proving you the be the center of a stage
But without makeup you show your face
And the audience members may fade but when the show is over I am still watching you
Waiting to see what you will do
And when I rush to your back room door of life and see behind that door I won't wait to open it, I'll come rushing in for more
Because I love more than just the act the show to me

You deserve the best
But I am not the best
I am like the rest
The ones that have held you close
And let go
Knowing one day that those hands
Would hold someone else
And while I watch the process
I don't cry
Or scream of the loss
Instead I smile
For you have found your best
The one unlike the rest
And I will find the same for myself one day
Because it is for the best
We are much different than the rest
Don't second guess
Just be your very best
And that person will come to rest
And hold your very own hands
That were meant to hold
The best