gutted like a fish
my innards strewn about
i watch everyone
step over them
in hopes they won't be seen

i salvage what's left of me
unnoticed and unrecognizable
i paint a smile
with two dollar lipstick
to mask the suffering

who could i ask for help
anyway?
the world and the god
know of my despair
but the lights keep
going out during the storm

blindly leading
i don't trust myself
and i won't trust you either
a vicious cycle of misfortune
can change even
the strongest of hearts
to stone

it's judgment day
and i'm answering
for every sin

each time my heart
beat for you
took a notch off my life
my chances of salvation
cannot be saved
yet i'm still frantically
digging in the dirt
to find you

the pain is agonizing
so i numb it with
falsetto dreams
and broken windows
because i don't wanna
see the world anymore

i scream into my pillow
the very one you laid your
head down on next to me
living an imperfect existence
we played royalty and
i was your princess

those nights
we held on to each other
like the world was ending
and kissed as if it were
our last goodbye
every time

every time

well...

it's judgment day
no stone is left unturned
i knew they would come for us
pitchforks and fiery stakes
piercing our core
tearing us apart

apologetic forgiveness
to the Powers that be
i beg for second chance
sacrificing my place
in your arms
to save your heart

a heart can only break so much--
the bleeding must cease one day
and once all becomes still
in the dawn of the storm,
the chains that hold the world
in its place
will break away

--and you will be left
with the life altering decision
to repair the impossible,
or let it decay

there is always a glimmer
of hopeful sunshine
breaking through the rain,
but sometimes it's just best
to let the water wash away
the pain

because
a heart can only break so much--
fatality determined in a numbered day,
and once the storm has left you
there isn't much left to fade

everytime I think of
killing myself
i wonder who will mourn me

will it be the same people
i asked for help
that ignored me?

everytime I think of
killing myself
i wonder what comes after

will I burn in hell
for changing time--
chaos and disaster?

everytime I think of
killing myself
I wonder how I'd do it

and if I'd have
the courage
to actually go through it

every time I think of
killing myself
i wonder if it ever ends

but the pain remains
in after life
as i try to make amends

where lost souls thrive
to stay alive
i may be left for dead

pain in this case is a necessity--
self inflicted to heal the hurt;
causing waves and ripples
of emotions--
quite priceless for what it’s worth