You fought your timeless crusade
only in search of a point of surrender
To be eased of the mindlessness
Rid of your deepest qualms
You fought almost to the death
With an army of nothingness
with invisible soldiers
who’s bullets have torn you apart
You fought valiantly
for all that you already had x

If I rewrite the narrative,
make you say things you’d never-
it hurts a little bit less.

If I picture you sending my screenshots,
laughing with your friends
about how I’m pathetic,
it hurts a little bit less.

If I melt the candy coating off your words
and read them as they are,
my chest doesn’t feel as hollow.
The pages rinse free of hope,
replaced with finality.

If I say it was just a game,
and now I have to log out-
close the window, shut it down,
you’ll never log back in.

My lungs can fill with air again,
My eyes remain dry.
This grief stops sitting on me,
I can stop wondering why.

You’ll always be
my favorite book I picked up-
but maybe you were one
I was never meant to read.

You bounce around the uncut grass
Nibbling weeds, chewing the foliage
Not a care in the world
Paying no mind to the conversations of the birds
No worries of the cars that pass, or the places they go
You've got one mission in mind
Finding the most delectable leaves

Sometimes you get a little skittish
Laying low for a moment
Perhaps you notice me watching
But soon you return to the quest
Filling that little belly full of summer greens

What a life it must be
Although I doubt I could enjoy it
I envy it, if only for a moment
A simpler way to exist
Constantly twitching your nose
In search of the finest vegetation
My little plot of land has to offer

Enjoy yourself, friend
You can always eat here for free

I only drown us more
When I reach for your light
Pull each other down deeper
Into the eternal night

I’m barely a poet,
yet you’re still my muse.
I say it doesn’t hurt-
that my purpose is views.
Steps I take forward
toward moving along
make you more distant,
and that feels ******* wrong.

I know that you know and
it could never be the same.
I just have to figure out
how to remove ache from your name.
The letters, they hurt
when they sit side by side-
and to hear them out loud?
A blast to my mind.

Because I like to spiral,
to wonder and dream.
I erased our messages-
yet here you come on my screen.
You can’t give me an inch-
I will dream a whole mile.
I’ve been that way always,
since I was a child:
hoping and loving
and dreaming for better.
I hate accepting reality-
and this ****** weather.

I can romanticize rain
and thunder and storms,
pretend they can heal me,
make me accept new norms.
But I miss my lover,
so quiet, so sweet,
and leaving that love
drowning feels like defeat.

I am so sick of men
ruining
Love and lust
Promising
Devotion and Desire
Giving
******* and lies