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Today I lie in bed
Wondering if there will come a day,
when I will no longer shudder at your glance,
when my skin will no longer crawl
just at the sight of you
of you looking at me

See, I have this fear
that my skin
will always be soiled by your touch
that my lips
will always burn from your kiss
that my heart
will always hurt from your love
that my mind
will be always scarred from your words

See, I have this fear
that my next love will love me how you did
that my next love will hurt me how you did
that my next love will abuse me emotionally and verbally
how you did
how you made me lesser
how you took from me
and gave nothing in return

See, I have this fear.
But lately as I lay in my bed
I've begun to realize that one day
my skin will be fresh and new
and it will be skin you have never touched
that my lips will have peeled
and they will be lips you have never kissed
that my heart will have replaced the broken pieces
and it will never have been loved by you

See, I have this dream.
That one day I will be loved by a man
Who never thought of me
how you thought of me
Who will love me
how you never loved me
Who will kiss me
how you never kissed me

And that recovery will make me
A person you will have never known.
We were scraped hands
we were exhaustion showing through;
we were messy hair after naps all to prove
we loved how we lived
and we lived how we loved
but then - we grew up
and minutes turned to seconds,
and weeks turned to days
and soon enough there we were
grown ups, in a daze.

time moving faster than it ever did before
every day, suddenly a bore.
thinking more from the core
don't know how we ever swore
this world would never turn us stone
turn into all the things we say we won't
waiting to see if the bad would outweigh hope.

never thought being a grown up would be tough,
then we grew up and we've had enough.
No, no
Shh honey, it’s alright
I don’t wanna fight, don’t wanna do
Anything
But hold you and make all the scaries disappear

Yes, it’s fine
I know what it’s like to live inside
Your own head
Fighting
Tornados of chaos peeling at your
Sanity

Shh,
the world is big and we are small
But there is nothing to do
But hold each other
And face it
I wish I could pick at my scabs; without them ******* BLEEDING everywhere.
I don’t think I’m made for the life of settling down

Because the boys that treat me right don’t **** me right
And the ones that make my bones shake are ******* I wouldn’t let my cat befriend.

I think I’m meant for the streets.
“I can’t wait to never see you again.”

I thought, before I noticed your bed was empty and your car gone.

Wondering where you’d gone this time, and wishing you’d come home.

So I could beg you to leave.
I don’t know if I’m that good at convincing my loved ones that I’m ok.
Or if they simply don’t care as much as they say they do.
If I let it all go, and find myself in hell.
Just know that I’ll be waiting.

When years have passed and you’ve forgotten my name.
When you’ve moved on to new lovers and abandoned them; all the same.

When you’re tired and lonely and old and dying.
When your callous, poisoned heart finally gives out.

I will claw my way through the wastes.
Past tormented souls and demons too, nothing will stop me hunting for you.

And as you stand at the edge, waiting for the boatman.
I will reach up from the depths, and drown you in the river styx.

I ******* hate you.
I see a lawn mower with a pull start that I’m just not strong enough to get myself the first time
Maybe I’ll just plant clover, since grass is an invasive species
A swing set that in a few years I will curse, because no one uses the **** thing anyway, but I cannot just give up the nostalgia

I see boys tennis shoes laying at my door as my son and his friends play video games, or soccer, or skateboard in the street, or hell even just hit each other with sticks, as boys will be boys after all.

I see a laundry room, a whole separate laundry room from the house, a room that has a place to actually fold the laundry before you deliver it to its home.

A bathtub that both knee and nip can be warm, a place to smoke a joint or drink a beer and forget that the day was stressful.

I wish for a loving partner, of course, but I’ll do this regardless.

I have simple dreams, sure. But they’re still dreams.
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