It's 12:29.
I'm thinking about the moon.
It's one of those "Sufjan Stevens" nights.
His music always manages to perfectly translate my befuddling feelings and thoughts into rhythm and beat.
If I rest now I will miss out on what the night has to offer.

It's 1:07
I'm lying in bed.
I hear my mom on the phone with grandma.
They always manage to keep the conversation fresh and perpetual despite the 8,096 mile distance.
If I let my eyes close now morning and work will arrive faster.

It's 2:03
I give up on homework.
I open the laptop to watch Netflix.
I re-watch a show I've seen a dozen times.
If I escape to dreamland, this sense of knowing of what is to come will be stolen by the uncertainty of the subconscious.

It's 4:32
I'm filled with sadness.
I have procrastinated badly.
I abruptly jump out of bed and head downstairs to brew coffee.
If I go to sleep, I will regret it in the morning when I will face the consequences of my laziness and late night reasoning.

This house, it does not speak of me
I am unknown to these adobe walls
these cool clay floors
I press my feet against
wanderlust, I dance
through desert nights I roam
these sands to drink the moon
and follow stars toward home.
I travel endless nights
painted blue with black
wait for sunlight
once again to warm my room.
Nights I dream to be
in wild fields
with you.

Walking the dirt path, down around
the gold brown hills that spill into the orchard
apples baked in the oven, sun of summer
and in September they are done
red, we dressed with honey cinnamon
the air was bliss, the trees, the ancient harvest
with baskets full, the way our hearts overflowed
this was a place we called heaven, but now you are in the trees
in the sweeping fields of turquoise seas, in the stars that never cease
here, where you once imagined and could only dream to remain as ever

The worst part about being adopted by someone who already have kids is the fact that you know they will always put their kids first. And it hurts because you know you're the least important. You could die and they wouldn't even care. So long as they're blood child doesn't die. I hate it. Its so hard sometimes