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Lily Harriet Apr 2020
Living off caffeine and anxiety
Filling the days with films, books and games just to watch the time slowly tick by.
Nothing can quite fill the attention and mind.
There is nothing to break up these endless days running one into another.
Going with the flow without going anywhere
Taking it easy with no need to relax
Plans of summer disappear with every flick of the remote
Netflix stings with the taunting of life outside
Stories are captivating, but there are only so many pages to turn.
But the albums on repeat represent the lockdown we are in, they always end eventually
Lily Harriet Sep 2018
I get insecure, you've had the lookers the models then me. You've been with the successful the **** and the best, then me.
I know I'm not all that
I worry about that
I worry about how I look and what i'm like
I overthink and get scared
For I know you can do better
I'm the take it or leave it kind of person and everyone will always choose to leave
I doubt every thought of myself
I doubt every action I do
The only time the thinking and the doubting and time passing us by stops
Is when your lips are pressed into mine
when you hand holds mine
When your arms wrap around me and hold me tight
When my duvet wraps around your head and shapes your face and our random conversations
I love each and every crazy second with you but I wish these thoughts didn't ruin the moment
And I hope more than anything it doesn't taint how much I love you
This is me and all I am
I'm a take it or leave it kinda person and I really hope you'll stay
Bad luck
Bad vibes
Bad friends
Bad times
***** men
All the time
Power trip
Success crime
Wash it down
**** it out
Happy pills
Lights out
  Mar 2018 Lily Harriet
If someone flinches when you want to put your arm around them
Someone else's hand wasn't that nice

If someone questions you
Someone else has lied to them

If they don't tell you everything
Someone else betrayed their secrets

Behind every cranky, complicated person
Or every person who is afraid to love
Is someone who's tired of being hurt
Lily Harriet Mar 2018
The hugs
The kisses
Overwhelm and melt me

The friends
and family
which I can't talk to

The tears
The razors
become a comfort

The feelings
and the fights
are too heavy to bare

I can't do this
you suffocate me
  Feb 2018 Lily Harriet
I’m happy
(I’m depressed)

I love myself
(I hate myself)

I can’t wait to live my life
(I can’t wait to die)

I am lucky to have my friends
(why do they even like me?)

I have a family who loves me
(and I continue to disappoint them)

I am an excellent student
(I can’t focus in school)

I want to travel the world
(will I even live to do that?)

I’m fine
(I’m not fine)

I’m perfectly okay
(please help me)
Lily Harriet Feb 2018
Maybe my mum did raise a fool, maybe I fell for the first, maybe I fell for the hurt, maybe I fell for the fool.

Maybe that hurt, maybe that scarred me, maybe, just maybe that changed me.

Maybe I can't say the three little words everyone wants to hear, Maybe I can't bring myself to feel the positive emotions.
Maybe I can't feel any positive emotions.

Maybe I'm not the girl I made out to be
Maybe you aren't the person I originally thought you were.

Maybe just maybe this doesn't stand a chance.
Maybe I'm not worth it
But just this once maybe I'm wrong
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