i wanted to capture that moment in time
like a black and white moving polaroid,
complete with sounds
and smells
and feelings.
i wanted to hang it
on my bedroom wall
and revisit it whenever
i felt lonely
or sad.
i wanted to reach through
the photo paper
and jump back in
and relive the moment
where i was most happy.
but i can't do that.
you are gone.
you have been gone
for so long now
and nothing can take away
the longing in my heart.
you are gone.

Brokenness is a pattern
Pull the **** trigger again
See you next week

Is what I feel on my tongue
Every time I attempt
To utter a phrase
In a futile direction
My rationality
Cannot cope with pointlessness
But  like an unstoppable
Energizer bunny
I go ahead despite it all
Smileless

'All they who thoughtless are, nor heed,
What timeDeath's messengers appear,
Must long the pangs of suffering feel
In some base body habiting.
But all those good and holy men,
What time they see Death's messengers,
Behave not thoughtless, but give heed
To what the Noble Doctrine says;
And in attachment frighted see
Of birth and death the fertile source,
And from attachment free themselves,
Thus birth and death extinguishing.
Secure and happy ones are they,
Released from all this fleeting show;
Exempted from all sin and fear,
All misery have they overcome.'
Anguttara-Nkaya, iii.35

Thy breathing is about to cease. Thy guru hath set thee face to face before with the Clear Light; and now thou art about to experience it in its Reality... wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky, and the naked, spotless intellect is like unto a transparent vacuum without circumference or centre

The flying feeling of crashing into bits
It's bitter sweet
It's strange
Not to explain
I see it
In the spectrum
Between the light
Of truth at the bottom of my heart
And the deepest dark
Of the sickening sorrow
Instilling life beyond
Reason
And the clouds
Are so ******* beautiful

i'd be lying if i said
you make me speechless
the truth is you make my
tongue so weak it forgets
what language to speak in