I'm always worried about the placement of my teeth, and the thrashing of my tongue. Hoping that when they meet I won't sound like some fool ******* on his thumb- all deaf, blind, and dumb. My vocal cords sprout dust, and it covers my lungs when I inhale my words back like a ghost. I'll hold them in until I choke, because every sentence I speak happens to be the punchline to a joke provoking laughter from those I care for the most. I'm ignored, unless you're bored then you find I stultify much more than you were before and I'm left behind- encouraged to die. Your hands hold the blade as you teach me how to cut right, a sliver- a slice of my 'precious' life. Serve it on a ***** plate for the roaches and the flies, let them wallow in my grime as I melt away like time, or does it fly? My clocks are in the sun but their hands are in the sky, pointing to the clouds where god likes to hide. To my surprise, they aren't white; they're encased in shadows and deep, dark night. Maybe he exists, 'cause it always rains when I cry like he wants me to persist with this pain that I like. Yeah, right.. Like, love, abhor, despise they're on the same coin just different sides. I stay flipping, but it never lands right; so maybe I'm the one pleasing Pain's appetite. Sinking teeth into me with his endless bites, what's the point in trying to fight? He always finds me when I hide under sheets of loneliness that warm me with silence. A paper-thin shelter from this home's violence, my skin is colored in blues and violets; I'm a flower pigmented so vibrant ripped from the dirt and buried inside hurt. I'm always worried about the placement of my teeth, and the thrashing of my tongue. Hoping that when they meet I won't sound like some fool ******* on his thumb- all deaf, blind, and dumb. My vocal cords sprout dust, but I'll utter one last word- gone.

-SLuR

That feeling that overcomes you,
Every time you look in her eyes,
You feel it,
Her pain.
She's convinced
In a righteous, immoral way.
She wants to tell you "I can"
But is faced with lies when reality hits her.
She wants make you happy-
She's trying to.
But it's impossible.
She can't do it even though you want her too,
She's, unwillingly,  convinced otherwise as it seems.
By what seems,
Her master of mortality.
The 'air' to keep her lungs breathing.
But he's hurting you
And your obviously not seeing it.
Confused, you may feel, you tell her
But always know,
You'll be there for her.
"I know," she tells you
As if she's you.
But she's not.
That's what she doesn't understand.
"I get it." she says.
But does she?
Is she sitting there,
From a distance,
Knowing she can't do anything about it.
Getting to sit there and watch,
I can't deal with this.
Your not only affecting you,
But the people around you.
The decisions you make.
Just know,
That, that feeling that overcomes me,
Isn't something I can deal with;
We've known one another for too long.
You should see it,
Shouldn't you?
I'm not going away,
Even though, I don't want to sit and watch,
I'll never be able to leave.
Don't ever forget that;
Because I wont,
And I can make that promise to you.

Chestnuts roasting by an open fire
Stories gather round to tell
I almost sat too close to it
And roasted mine as well

Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
All the nice hay
Smells of ***** instead

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
But if Santa's eyeing up your chimney
Send him on his way

I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas
With every panic out of sight
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be just right

When I think of you it’s cosmos, the worlds in perfect harmony
Then I think what’s the point if you don’t think of me?

The sun shines through your eyes I swear they’re made of gold
Blue stained with crystal, leading to stories of the soul

I think of you almost every hour, nothings really changed
I get scared sometimes though that we will stay the same

The story in the dark, untouched and left untold
Letting our feelings drown, frozen and shattered in the cold

My father doesn't approve, but it seems he never will
If you’re going to run I’ll run as long as we don’t stand still

Seems most of this is terrifying, using words in a mine field
I seize to understand, what’s the big deal?

I’m 17 now, I am not young a naive
Some things I speak you must trust but still you don’t believe

I prove an I cry, and hopelessly wonder
Why am I in a low, with such rain and thunder?

He’s the one I want don’t you get it, can’t you see?
I’m not such a child, let me be free

Seeing you will never change, I’ll wait for him you’ll see
And if it’s truly love, *what’s meant to be will be

i used to cradle her bleach-cracked hands in mine
and decode the stardust resting within her fingerprints
     up until the day that i lost touch with the art of reading braille
     and she stopped slinging tall-tales for me to fetch
and rest the plot-twist at her feet

often in the post-script
i'd find my train of thought highjacked by the sunlight illuminating the rainbow of earth-tones ablaze
in her frizz-ridden curls
as if she'd been washing her hair with the damaged case of beer
she'd gotten for half-price at liqour depot
     she never did quit drinking
          but neither did i

at least we tried

though sometimes
in the middle of the night when nothing was alright
and we'd barely survived another fight
her face would catch my glance
cast aglow by a flood of lava-lamp light
    
     the sea of freckles resting at the crest of her cheeks
     rose lips perma-pursed in half tilt
     her resting heart-rate so high that i could almost see it
          pirouetting within her chest

it was then that i'd love her best
     amidst the ruins of who we were
     just moments before

Broken conversations,
empty lungs,
doors half open,
hearts almost out of love.

We used to talk of how
we used to be infinite.
But now every second now feels
like a stroke against an unforgiving current.

Our conversations broke
as the flaws of our souls
fell through the cracks of this glass foundation.

These upset words that escaped you
left the air around me a little sad,
a little awake,
and with a lot of echoes.

My lungs went empty
talking you down.

I left the door open for you.
So you can walk in
and slip in quietly-
I won't say a word.

And this heart could never go empty,
not mine.
Yours,
at this point,
I know not.

Flowers never lost their color
as long as you walked this earth.