The feeling of being lonely even though the other side of the bed is occupied.
I feel her warmth on the other side
but I am still cold
As cold as her heart has become.
All of a sudden my feelings don't matter.
You're incapable of understanding them
or chooses not to understand
My needs doesn't matter anymore
just yours.
This loneliness you make me feel is too familiar
So, just in case you're worried.
Don't be.
I've survived this before
but it's not guaranteed
as a broken heart does not get broken the same way
the chip gets bigger and eventually the heart...
the heart...
shatters...
into a million pieces.
Survival is not guaranteed
but at least I tried.
The feeling of loneliness even though the other side of your bed is occupied
with warmth
but not meant for me.

Waking up every morning on a mission to search for happiness
It didn't come this morning
Maybe later,
Maybe tonight,
Maybe tomorrow,
Maybe in a month, a year?
Possibly never.
Everyday is a battle trying to experience this thing so called "happiness"
Where is it?
What does it look like?
How does it feel?
Will I ever know?

I never believed you could help me.
How could you?
You don't know me
You've never stepped foot into my shoes.
All I had to do was talk about my difficult circumstances
While you listen and play the part.
How does it feel knowing you didn't help me? not one bit.
How does it feel to falsify your motives,
when all you really wanted was wealth.
Wealth.

All these recommendations from doctors,
Therapist,
Therapy sessions.
But all you could recommend was high doses of drugs.
Meditations for my depression?
That would be too easy,
Here are some pills,
It will help you.....
So they say.
You said the same thing
You said the same ******* thing to my friend,
It helped her,
It helped her.....
It... helped... her...End her life.  
It helped her...
It did not help her.
It ended her life.

You failed to convince me that these drugs are good for me
So you ended my sessions short.
Because you realized,
Money was more important than helping me,
than helping me get through the rough days.
You said I didn't need you anymore because
I am "okay"
Guess what?
Guess what?
I've known this all along,
All along
That..
I am "okay"
I have gotten used to this painful life,
and this is what "Okay" looks like.
It looks like struggle
I am stuck,
In a predicament that I have now gotten used to.
I mean I had to
even though days are not actually "okay"


Now I sit here going through the same fight to win
Everyday is a constant battle
Seems like I am ...
Seems like, I am losing more days.
Winning, but those are just moments.
Just moments
Now I sit here going through the same fight to win
You've just reassured me that,
That this is my life
A therapy session
sessions
cannot fix.