You were a butterfly in my winter
bright and beautiful

dad had tears in his eyes
when mom told him i had cut again
he doesn’t cry
not really
not unless something’s falling apart
and this time
it was me

he said why
again and again
like the question could fix it
like i could fix it
but i just stared
felt the words press against my throat
and stay there
tight
screaming
quiet

so i said
i can’t just stop being sad
and that’s all
because it’s the only truth i had

mom gave him a look
like don’t push her
she’s already broken
already bleeding
already tired of explaining
what can’t be
explained

and then
she hugged me
really hugged me
like she didn’t care
that she hates hugs
held me
like she wanted
to keep me here
keep me whole
even if she couldn’t

and she said
we know
like it meant something
like knowing was enough

and maybe
for a moment
i
believed
it

Through hard times you have been by my side,
Holding my hand and giving me a shoulder to cry.
But now I am alone and empty
and the tears are pouring down.

I know you are not far from here,
I know that you still love me,
though there is something in my head
that wants to make me insecure
even though I trust in your words.

Hold me tight in your arms
and tell me its al right,
whisper in my ear
that you will always be here.
Kiss my forehead and say,
I'll always be yours
for now
for evermore.

Stranger you were, waltzed into my life, oblivious to what was to rise.
Broken and in pieces you found this soul, but yours was not better, so I'm told.

To confide and find solace in one another, has granted a spark to flourish.
It was rushed, you may say, yes I will not contradict, but at the same time I don't regret.

Time is irrelevant  once your heart starts.
To you that has my heart in his hands, I will leave you to care for it however you want.

I thought I forgot you. But you never left.
I thought I moved on but your presence is there.
The way your cologne fills the empty space, I know you're not here but I wish you were.
I can hear the whispers, remember your embrace.
I thought I moved on, but you never left.

Your being remains where it's more important.
Your memories are shared with the ones you loved.
Although you're no longer with us.
It's like you've never gone.

Remembering you like this, will do no help.
So I will let you go, even though it's strange.

I thought I moved on.
Guess this time I will.