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Journal Entry #12

Today has been a hard day for me.
Needed to let off some steam.
So I went for a walk today.
Even though it was cold and snowing today.
Hands in my pockets.
I thought this was ok, because the weather matched my mood today.

Had to cut a childhood friend out of my life today.
Which would explain why I'm so sad today.
In all fairness though, she handed me the scissors.

That's my life though.
That's what I get though.
For trying to save everyone I love from themselves.
That's what I get though.
For Always having the purest of intentions.
But what I've come to learn in my 31 years of life,
Is that you can't save people who don't wanna be saved.

But let me ask you this...
What kind of person would I be if I stood by and watched the ones I love drown in their own misery.
What am I to do?
Do nothing?
When everything inside of me can't bare to watch without throwing that line of support over and over again. Hoping against hope that they'll finally grab a hold?
Or do I do nothing?
and stand by while I'm burning alive inside because I can't help them?
Do I just accept it and leave them to drown?
But, if I did this....
I can't help but think what kind of person does that make me that I'd allow this?
 Apr 2018 Jerimiah
storm siren
If the hellhounds nip at my ankles--
(And they will)
Promise me you will put flowers at the foot
Of my coffin,
To cover the stubs
That they left.

If angels call for me--
(And they just might)
Hold my hand close to your heart,
But let my summer sunset voice
Fade away into the first night of a too-cold fall.

If the world tries to pull me underneath its cold, damp crust,
Then remember me as I was.

Remember me as spacey.
Remember me as guilty.
Remember me as filled with sorrow.

But most importantly
Remember the smile I smiled just for you.
Remember the laugh that bore your name.
Remember how my hand felt in yours,
And how bad it hurts to see it in his.

Remember my voice as it spoke your name, soft, sweet, and tasting like cool blueberries on a hot spring day.

And remember how I burned it to the ground
With hell hounds at my feet,
With angels at my throat.
Remember that I burned the bridge,
And spat blood into the ashes,
As this Earth swallowed me whole

And I was


First to die

Now to live

— The End —