Something is different today
There was once a burning fire
An immortal tolerance for pain
Anything to achieve my desire

I would burn the earth to take my boon
I would walk through hell to win
I would die inside a brilliant fire
Because I knew I'd rise again

But lately something has changed inside
Something killed my epic soul
Something has exhausted the fuel within
Burned out, cold, I pay the toll

I used to have an awesome drive
An i

Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die
Die

0

I stand in a dark room,
empty and alone,
ashamed and hurt,
filthy and unclean,
a receptacle for all garbage.

I sit against a cold wall,
drowning in my thoughts,
drowning in my pain,
drowning in mire and filth,
drowning by myself.

I reach for anything to bring myself up,
and the water starts to flow.

A trickle at first, uncertain,
then stronger, washing over me.
I let clean water strip away my filth.
I don’t fight it.
I give in.
I let the water wash away my shame,
watching my thoughts swirl down the drain.

As I sit there, I can’t feel my pain,
can’t see my shame,
can’t sense my filth.
I watch everything washing away,
vanishing into the depths.

I feel clean.
I feel alive.
I feel ready to take a step.

A step forward.
A step away from the past.
A step toward something new.

I am ready to be better.

Getting better each day
Trying
Slowly
It hurts

I know good is to come
I know beauty is inside
I know the artist is wonderful
But every chip of the chisel makes me want to give up

Every swing of the hammer makes me cry
Every stroke of the brush knocks me down
Every moment in the flame hardens my heart
But it hardens my resolve

The artist has seen my clay and promised beautiful things
I won't be this way forever
Somebody is sculpting me into my true self
But every gentle touch feels like shattered bones

My broken pieces are turning into a beautiful mosaic
Stunning and colorful
But right now it hurts
Right now I need help
To see what the artist sees

Right now I can't trust the artist
Because all I've felt is hurt
All I've seen is pain
I can't ever see what the artist sees

But I know he's there
I know he loves me
I know he is slowly healing me
Even if I can't see it, he can

So I'm getting better
Trying
Slowly
It hurts
But I'm getting better

I spend every day
praying to break this cycle,
adrift on a sea without wind in my sails,
no hands to row me to safety,
sitting in my own filth—
completely alone.

I see ships on the horizon,
their shapes shimmering like salvation,
but they are only mirages.
I whisper lies to myself:
“You’re saved.”
Laughable.
Nobody knows you’re out here.

I could jump,
let the waves take me,
drown in the mire of my own making.
But I’m too scared to die—
too scared to free myself
from this isolation.

Instead, I’ve hung the gun on the wall.
It waits there, cold and patient,
a silent promise,
If nothing changes,
I will save myself


Your move

I’m hungry.
Starving.
Dying.
Alone.

Im in need,
but how far would I go?
What would I do to feed my soul?
Would I consume the brambles before me,
knowing each bite would tear me apart?

I bite down and taste only blood.
The ache remains,
a hunger that gnaws at my edges.
I need this, but it hurts.

So I wrap myself in thorns,
cut my skin to ribbons,
just to feel something—
anything.

Maybe now that I’m cut and bleeding,
someone will notice.

…

Maybe not.

I feel odd
This strange mood has taken me

Something isn't right
Something isn't right

Discontent incomplete not whole
I wander down a bright corridor the lights hurt my eyes
The hum a cacophony of pain

Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right

I'm falling but stationary
A runaway train lost in the empty brightness
I'm mindlessly speeding through nothingness

Something is terribly wrong

I've never felt this way before
A mad descent
I'm suffering and I don't know why

I feel sick
From tension
From speed
From stress
From pain
From sickness
I don't know why

Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is terribly wrong

My life is falling apart
as I curl up the walls close in
The bright light intensifies
I can't take it
I don't know
Please GOD save me

Please somebody save me

I can't think
I can't eat
I can't walk
I can't sleep

Something is wrong and it's hurting
The light intensifies
The hum gets louder
The walls begin to crush my chest
I gasp for breath but nothing reaches my lungs

The front gate is open.
You needn’t even knock.
Everything you’re seeking is right here.
Walk through my city—
its streets cracked, its walls worn thin.

You ride in, asking “Are you okay?”
Your voice is warm, your intentions pure.
The city looks broken.
“I’m fine. I’ll fix it.”
But who am I kidding?
I’m not fine.
My inner sanctum is leveled,
my heart crushed,
my life force drained.

You nod as though reassured,
admiring the scaffolding and fresh paint.
“You’re strong,” you say,
then gallop off to your next quest.
But you didn’t stay long enough
to notice the rubble behind the walls.

Don’t just stop at “I’m okay.”
Because I’m not.
I can’t share the crumbling walls behind the fresh paint
I don’t know how.
But I do need help.

You saw the scaffolding and thought it was enough.
You didn’t see the cracks spreading beneath.
You didn’t see how the darkness still presides,
smothering the streets,
hiding in the corners of my heart.

I’m getting worse,
Even if I look like I'm healing.
This darkness must be dispelled,
But you’ve already ridden away,
Your banner bright against the sky.

Of course,
you meant well.
But you never looked deep enough to see.