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JDK May 2017
Made a big splash by playing their out-of-tune upright in the spare bedroom,
with the kids all gathered around.

I can't play any songs that you might know,
but I can make this thing sing if I really wanted to.

"You should make soundtracks for movies or something,"
says an impressed parent.

Meanwhile I'm thinking:
*If this was my way of making a living,
it'd ruin all the fun.
"This one's about my late grandma . . . "
"This one's about a girl I loved so much that I couldn't stand her . . . "
"This one's about . . . aw hell I don't know;
I'm just making this **** up as I go."
JDK Nov 2014
Sleep with a few of them,
then ignore the rest.
Send late night text messages that read:
"I like hanging out with you the best."
When in their company, speak in your own language.
Get drunk and lament how no one understands you.
Cry often.
Cry all the time.
When they offer you a shoulder,
act as if it's a crime.
Push them away.
Tell them you just want to be left alone.
Don't reply to their invites.
Don't answer your phone.
Unless you're in a crowd,
then stay glued to that thing.
If they play your favorite song,
do not sing.
If they buy you a drink,
don't buy them one back.
If they give you advice,
then go on the attack.
It's easy to lose all of your friends
once you've become a sociopath.
How To Be A Loser For Dummies
JDK Aug 2016
Realize that there's no such thing,
then give up on resisting this nonexistent ideal of being,
then realize that by even fighting this invisible thing in the first place
that you were really just rehearsing for later-on confrontations where you'll end up either having to stand up for personality traits vaguely resembling nonconformity or joining some bandwagon whose riders are all non-admittingly terrified by traits in a person who they find to be just a bit more than vaguely disturbingly off-beat, or at the very least, too far off from their own safe and comfortable sense of normalcy to be considered worth hiring/keeping/promoting.

Do you know what I mean?
If I were less normal I would write something here that would really change your whole idea about whatever, what-have-you, etc.
JDK Mar 2015
Put the car in park.
Sit there in the dark,
for a second.

Blink and then it's gone.
Find another song.
Turn the engine off.

Leave and take a walk.
Hear the streetlight talk,
for a second.

It said,
"Go left at that street;
the one named Destiny.
Run down it
forever."

Don't take bad advice.
The moon's not very nice.
She glares at you,
for a second.

A second's never felt so long.

Don't go past that tree;
the one without the leaves.
Blink and then you're gone
forever.
JDK Jun 2016
Break it.
"You can't even call yourself a 'failed writer.' You never even tried to become a successful one!"
JDK Aug 2017
Sing the hit from frozen lips through clenched teeth on a stage made of swollen hips.

Anyone can be a star if they try hard enough.

Swing a hit into the tender ribs of one who sung without conviction.

Not just anyone can make it.

(This is what you get.)

Take it on the chin then grow a pair while squatting in the place you grew up afraid of.

Anyone can get there if they try hard enough.

Cave in on yourself as you realize you've spent your whole life pretending to be someone else.

(Someone you thought you knew.
(Someone you're not.))

Fly a kite painted with the face of the person you've come to be,
then let go of the string.
Stop overthinking it.
JDK Jul 2016
I cleaned my room today.
It started with the closet.
I tried everything on, and based on the fit, decided whether or not to toss it.
(I mean, donate.)
I filled two boxes.

Then I went in a clockwise motion from there, attacking and reorganizing everything I came across.
I took **** near everything out of my room so that I could mop it.
Then I put everything back in,
got drunk while watching Netflix in a very clean room,
and eventually wrote a ****** poem about it.
This is the part where I write something about how lonely I am or that I have no friends.
JDK Jan 2021
Some people are so egocentric
that you have to knock them down a peg or two before they'll be your friend.
Humble the vain for friends that stain*
JDK Sep 2016
If this train went off the rails just as I was saying, "I love you,"
and the clanging noise caused you to hear, "I'm so far above you," instead, would you then go on to die regretting every previously treasured moment of our lives that we'd collectively spent on the off-chance that I'd been a pretentious ***** the whole time?

If I went broke before you could cash the check that I wrote in order to fix your broken childhood home - the one that your parents still live in and stand to lose if this check doesn't clear - because of some completely unpredictable market fluctuation/bank identity theft error,
would you hold me accountable for it?

If you counted every syllable in every sentence that I spoke on your half-birthday and it didn't add up to your age divided by one-third of the time it takes for your ruling planet to circumnavigate the solar system, would you then find our relationship to be some kind of gross horror?

If I walked away right now, while you were in the middle of asking me some ridiculous out-of-context question with no consequence, would you think it's because of some kind of insecurity or cowardice?
Don't answer that.
JDK Apr 2015
I've been working to discover the extent of our disease.
Some people just aren't happy with being content.
They need chaos for glory and make life a mess.
Nevermind the ways they pay rent.
We live for the night.
Could give a **** about how our days are spent.

I've been experimenting with decisions and their consequence;
Data inconclusive.
I've been working on a new hypothesis:
What if Mother Nature's disasters are just metaphors for the storms inside our heads?
Hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, earthquakes;
Whirlwinds of action, body tremors, passion -
now I've got the shakes.

My nerves are shot,
but I'm getting ever closer to something.
I couldn't tell you what.
It's been deemed a lost cause and my funding has been cut,
but I'm not giving up.
I swear, there's hope for us.
"Why do you hang out with them?"
"Research."
JDK Apr 2015
A tiny figure lies at the bottom of a cardboard box.
It is surrounded by straw,
and curled up into a little ball.
Eyes closed.
It sleeps but not peacefully.
Twitching and shaking;
periodically jerking out of its fetal position
with a stiffening of its limbs and an arch of its back
as if in pain,
or ecstasy.

The four folded ***** that make up the roof of the box get pulled apart.
Blinding light pours in.
The figure stirs and squints its black eyes into vague and undefined distances that will soon fade away to nothing.
A deafening voice booms down from somewhere above the box:

"John, we were wondering if you'd consider coming in to the department today.
We know you've been under a lot of stress lately,
but it's just - I mean,
it's been three weeks already.
We could really use you.
We've been swamped."

Bogs and marshes.
That's all I see.
All I've ever known.
It's in everything I eat.
The source of all I drink.
It's all I'll ever be.
It's in my skin and bones:
Concentrated pools of misery.
I woke up to write this.
JDK Aug 2015
I understand that you were hurting.
I understand I helped you hurt yourself.
I'll understand if you never want to see me again,
but it will still **** me.
"Are we still going to be friends?"
JDK Jan 2014
Hey girl, don't get me wrong
I just think that we could be friends
It'd be nice to have a confidant again
Instead of telling strangers all of my sins
I'm ready for a new life
Just waiting to begin

I know you may find me a bit intense
Or maybe you think that I make no sense
And I'm not sure what I like about you
Your humor
Your wit
Your innocence?

Be that what it may
And me being what I am
I still want to be your friend
Do you think we can?
Check Yes or No in one of the boxes below
JDK Jul 2016
Just by hearing you think it,
but I swear I'm seeing a whole different story
hidden between the lips that you're telling your stories with.
It's not enough to spill the beans that've been circling your width.
Semi-solid liquid rulers are difficult things to measure thickness with,
but this cake's so bulmically thin that it's destined to make whoever eats it sick,
and I just lost my appetite anyway.
You smell that? Smells like Weltschmerz . . .
Mmmm
JDK May 2015
Freaked out with a simple display of mad,
but who's complaining?
It was the best I've ever had.
Shrunk my head to fit her blender,
but it got mixed up in the mail.
This smoothie wasn't meant for me;
please return to sender:
Great success who's doomed to fail.
More of less, I think.
Drank all that I could take,
but I'm not one for counting drinks.
Two for won and nine to three.
Divided by a mind too caught up in subsidies.
I'm not one for public service,
but you could teach me calculus.
Newton or Leibniz -
I could give a ****.
Just taking a ****.
I've been lost ever since my head shrinker had a heart attack
after I told her all of this.
Stream of consciousness ******* nonsense.
JDK Jul 2015
When I was younger, I tried to freeze the world.
"So you pick up this picture, this two-dimensional image, and you say, 'That's me.' Well, to connect this baby in this weird little image with yourself living and breathing in the present, you have to make up a story like, 'This was me when I was a year old, and then later I had long hair, and then we moved to Riverdale, and now here I am.' So it takes a story that's actually a fiction to make you and the baby in the picture identical to create your identity."
- From the movie Waking Life

"'So it is with atoms in crystals, too; and two different crystals of the same substance can have quite different physical properties.' He told me about a factory that had been growing big crystals of ethylene diamine tartrate. The crystals were useful in certain manufacturing operations, he said. But one day the factory discovered that the crystals it was growing no longer had the properties desired. The atoms had begun to stack and lock--to freeze--in different fashion. The liquid that was crystallizing hadn't changed, but the crystals it was forming were, as far as industrial applications went, pure junk. How this had come about was a mystery. The theoretical villain, however, was what Dr. Breed called 'a seed.' He meant by that a tiny grain of the undesired crystal pattern. The seed, which had come from God-only-knows-where, taught the atoms the novel way in which to stack and lock, to crystallize, to freeze."
- From the novel Cat's Cradle

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger!"
- Mitch Hedberg

"'Now think about cannonballs on a courthouse lawn or about oranges in a crate again,' he suggested. And he helped me to see that the pattern of the bottom layers of cannonballs or of oranges determined how each subsequent layer would stack and lock. 'The bottom layer is the seed of how every cannonball or every orange that comes after is going to behave, even to an infinite number of cannonballs or oranges.'"
- From Cat's Cradle
JDK Jul 2016
The twisted carpet entangling toes.
The overgrown paths that lead to places no one ever goes.
The odds and ends of where-to-begin's and stammering out the sentence,
"Nobody knows."

I have a hand and somehow all five digits are still intact.
Clutching at thin attempts to make an impact.
Slipping through fingers.
Hard to grasp.
JDK Jun 2014
I once read about a word that is defined as the pain that an idealist feels when reality inevitably falls short of his or her own grand ideas of how things could be.
But I can't find it again. I thought my childhood friend had posted it on Facebook once, but I messaged him about it and he had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe it's one of those words that are in another language but have no accurate word for it in English. If anyone knows it, please let me know. I'd very much appreciate it.
JDK Apr 2014
Don't let yourself
become a victim to
"who you are."
JDK Dec 2017
I thought I was halfway through writing this one,
and yet I hadn't even begun.
The beginning is always the worst (most challenging, thrilling, adventurous) part.
The rest just comes undone.

I found out my thoughts can be sung to the key of C# Minor.
It wasn't exactly a life-changing revelation or anything,
it just made me feel better about owning a keyboard.

The waves of a forlorn ocean lap against an apathetic shore.
Some lonely guy stands there, still waiting to be transformed.

I dreamt last night that I'd write something like this before too long,
but I knew I'd be drunk when I wrote it and it'd come out all wrong.
The thought of what it could have been is standing on a log somewhere out on the ocean being serenaded by mermaids.
The song they sing is in C# Minor.
JDK Oct 2012
The best poem I ever wrote was written just for myself
The best movie I've ever seen; I shared with no one else
This is my life
This is my hell
and when it's all over, you'll just say "oh well."

And it folds so completely back onto itself.

I once knew a girl who said,
"All those little coincidences mean that you are exactly where you are meant to be, at that moment in time."
I believed it then.
Then I grew older, and the coincidences started to happen too often.
They became commonplace.
When she came back from the dead I told her so.
That "Our lives are all subjective, and the only reason that we recognize the coincidences is because we just so happen to be paying the right amount of attention to the situation that our minds currently find themselves in.
There is no such thing as coincidence.
Our whole life is but one big 'coincidence.'
The deja vu makes us feel crazy;
Makes us feel alive
We are divine.
Our lives are sublime.
They're not just coincidences, they're happening all the time!"
But she had no idea what I was talking about
JDK Dec 2015
How do you save someone from themselves?
Is it even possible?
How can you interpret their cries for help
when they're in a language no else one understands?
Do you just give them a great big hug?
Maybe walk with them a little and hold their hand?
The truth of the matter is,
you can't save them.
No one can.
Pathos, pathos, pathos.
JDK Apr 2015
I know this magic trick where I throw my heart in a hat
then pull out a rabbit.
Only, it's not a rabbit -
it's a snake.
And this is a swamp,
not a stage.
And there are three bite marks on my leg.
Take me to the hospital.
JDK May 2015
Fibromyalgia, microfibral mania, Malaysian phalanges making
fibrous writing utensils used for playing fetch with Fido.
The point is moot.
For Chris.
JDK Feb 2018
Without the internet I wouldn't know
what fruits and veggies go in the high-humidity drawer and which go in the low,
not to mention which ones get refrigerated or not.

I wouldn't know how to get to anywhere I've never been before,
or how long you're supposed to soak dried beans for.

I wouldn't know how to cook an omelette (the few I'd tried before looking it up came out as chunky burnt egg-pancakes.)

I love omelettes.
Thanks internet!
I guess before the internet people used to like, talk to each other or something weird like that.
JDK Apr 2016
Embracing the end when we're still in the beginning.
Come on now friends;
This isn't living.
I think you're confusing cowardice with courage.
JDK Apr 2015
I keep forgetting to remember the things I've reminded myself to forget.
Pump my head full of helium and fill my body up with lead.
I got yelled at by the driver of a car that almost hit me today.
I said, "You'd be doing me a favor!" as I walked away.

I keep finishing at the start and beginning with the end.
Earlier tonight, I made an emo playlist for my favorite ****** friend.
If only we could pool our feelings together and then . . .
****, I forget.

All bills have been paid, and all the letters have been sent.
Somehow, we're still falling deeper into debt.
I poured my heart out to an apathetic page
and yet, we're only getting paid for what we'd rather forget.

I keep making sour faces at the sweetest scenes I see.
I've been waking up early just to get there late.
I'm having trouble doubting things I've never believed.
I keep getting angry at people I long ago forgave.
Will they ever forgive me?
Have they already?

I forget.
JDK Jul 2015
I'm not afraid.
I'll do **** near anything I deem worth doing,
but I won't do that.

I'm not restrained.
I have no struggles with refraining from unleashing the feelings I'd rather not contain,
but I have none left for you.

I've already killed them all.
You're dead to me.
Casper notwithstanding.
JDK Nov 2014
All these nights of "fun."
I'd gladly trade them in for quiet ones spent with you.
We could cancel all our plans with friends
to stay in bed reading-
Just us two.
Fun is relative
JDK Apr 2017
Then I would wisk away all doubt,
Which is to say,
That I would mix it in with all the fears I'd rather forget about until it congealed into some edible manifestation of my whole life's worthless purpose baked into some half-crusted pie.

Eat it half-heartedly or else starvationally die.
It's a numbers' game.
JDK Mar 2014
I used to have fun
I used to take walks
I used to have something special that I feel I've since lost
But for the life of me
I couldn't tell you what it was
Youth
Vitality
Maybe a soul
Whatever happened to it
Where did it go?
come back to me
JDK Sep 2020
Then I'd say that there's way too many Mustangs on this godforsaken base.
and also that this evening's political debate was a ******* disgrace.
JDK Jul 2016
Please don't be pretty,
please don't be pretty,
please don't be pretty,
please don't be pretty* . . .

Hi, it's so nice to meet you.

*Ah ****.
(That's just lust, stupid.)
JDK Mar 2015
"You met me at a very strange time in my life,"
and I could tell that you go for the wrong kind of guys,
so I pretended to be the other type.
The kind you don't like:
One of those who idolize.
And it worked.
Yet somehow in the process,
I managed to get hurt.

Do you really want to know the truth?
I thought that I would only hurt you.
I was still reeling from my past mistakes,
and you were far too sweet, too nice, too great.
So I did what I had to do,
but somewhere along the way,
I actually fell in love with you.
Big
*******
Mistake.
-The opening line is from the movie Fight Club
JDK Oct 2014
Oh holy god,
this one clucks.
Let me stop telling jokes and just keep my mouth shut.

Oh no, oh ****.
This one's a total *****.
Mental note to leave the waiter one hell of a tip.

I've never had a date I didn't hate.
I'm so over it.

Oh great,
this one's obsessed with pop culture,
and this one's some sort of rotten carcass eating vulture.
I don't want to hear about your low-life ex-boyfriend.
I'll eat my food as fast as I can.

I've never had a date I didn't hate.
I count down the seconds until they end.

Are you freaking kidding me wearing that skirt?
No, that's okay, we'll skip on dessert.
Did he really just ask for your number?
Go ahead and give it to him.

Oh good god,
this girl is so dim.
What's that you say?
I wasn't listening . . .

I've never had a date I didn't hate.
I think I ought to just give it up.
Finally accept my fate:
No one but you will ever be good enough.
"Oh my god, what a nightmare! It was like he wasn't even there. What an *******! He didn't even try to hide how little he cared. I've never met anyone so full of themself."
JDK Jul 2013
I have at knack for falling for self-proclaimed *****
And they tend to be fond of me
Perhaps it's forgiveness they see in my face
Or that I don't try immediately to get between their legs
I don't want that kind of thing for free

Here's a phrase I often hear them say
"I think you're too good for me."
"I think we should just be friends."
And sometimes this is okay
But sometimes this is where it ends
I'm not always up to go through it again
Loving a girl who'd rather get ****** instead
"It's not that I don't like you, I'm just ****** up in the head."

I have a thing for girls who hurt themselves
And they take a liking to me
I kiss all their scars, and steal all their blades
Try to convince them of their supreme beauty
They often say that I should go away
"Just leave me alone here to die!"
But I just can't bear to think of their pain
If they only knew what I could see in their eyes

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not insane
If this isn't my own kind of masochism
Falling in love with the broken and used
Maybe this is my own form of self-abuse
But somebody's got to look after them
JDK Dec 2020
Despite all the shade I throw at my family,
truth is,
they're alright.
I often find myself wishing they were more, you know, financially responsible, attuned to social customs, better hosts, etc.
But at the end of the day, it all comes together in such a way that makes me feel okay with life, and that is worth so much more than any of that other *******.
JDK Jan 2015
Remember when I told you that you don't scare me?
JDK Oct 2016
I'm a nothing, and you're a non,
so let's get together and be someone.
Ford the rivers without a gun,
so who's ascared of a hippopotamus?
Beneath four three-toed legs, I'll swim towards some goal.
Hard-pressed against the net of chaos.

Here's a thrashing;
here's a lashing;
here's a joke to keep them all laughing.

There's a leak to keep them from speaking.
There's a lapse to keep from collapsing.
Here's a perfect ship sinking in order to crash their modes of thinking.
I swear I've dreamed of enough escapes to keep myself from clapping.
Said the muskrat to the Rabbi in a Roman Catholic bar.
JDK Jan 2018
Your wasted potential is just an issue that people who've wasted their own will pick on you for.

Surely, whatever you're doing right now should be worth at least thirty times more than what you're currently doing it for.

But if that number is zero then it doesn't make a difference.

It doesn't take a mathematician to know that smims maflori hindrance.
Or else delete it.
JDK Aug 2015
"It's such a simple thing."
(Quite silly, really. (The word "trivial" comes to mind.))

"It's no big deal."
(Though it didn't seem that way at the time. (I suppose it never was.))

"Let's not make a fuss over it."
(I've already made enough of a fuss for the both of us (but now I'm done.))

"It's alright. Don't mention it."
(No, really. (I'd prefer if you didn't.))

((When) a heavy weight gets lifted(, what does it sound like?)
(and)
(Somewhere in the background, (just barely audible (in order to hear it, you'd have to be really listening.))
applause.))
It doesn't matter. (Grammar, go to hell.)
JDK Jul 2017
Gone away to jump through hoops set up by another collective mindsets' ideals.

The thing about a broken chain is in the missing links it attempts to steal.

So here we are all bound together in a gear motor with loose bearings,
and yet somewhere in the heated friction we find a new drive worth endearing.
Meta cogs and fallen gods can't save us from  bad steering.
JDK Jun 2015
Crashing on top of my bed,
I'll just lay down for a second
while in the middle of doing something important;
fully clothed,
light still on,
door wide open.
Beautiful dreams of madness.
How most of my nights have ended lately.
JDK Mar 2015
I hate you for the right ones.
Funny how that works out.
JDK Dec 2014
Why do you only say it when you're drunk?
If you can't say it otherwise, then I'd rather you not
say it
at all
EVER!
Save your kisses and hugs.
It doesn't mean nearly as much.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Don't expect me to believe it.
You're full of ****.
and I'm a hypocrite
JDK Nov 2015
Criss-cross of arteries unclaimed in Lost and Found.
Accidental knots bound together by frayed ends.
Applesauce and pork chops may be ******* up logic,
but I'm so glad we are friends.

A cactus ***** can be the catalyst of an unspoken understanding.
We bleed our bloods into each other until the gaps are just the abstract outlines of us.
Failed to falter on this landing -
Let's hold hands and jump these last few steps.

Where every other shallow swimmer surfaced half-bloated by their purpose,
we've maintained our depth.
Half-swimming, half-drowning;
all while halving the latest trends.
Just in case I haven't mentioned it already;
I'm so glad that we're friends.

Exhausted by the constant exasperation of our own attempts to exaggerate self-condemnation.
It's so nice to find a place to rest.
BFF, BFFLE, BIEH.
Hey,
how're you doing there bestie?

I get it.
You get it.
We get it.
It's gotten.
All our fondest memories are the ones all but forgotten.

Hearts on ice.
Hearts in grass.
Hearts as apple-shaped shards of glass.

We stand here together on the sharpest edge.
I ******* love you guys.
I'm so glad we're friends.
Group Hug
JDK Aug 2022
Like trying to find where you'd put all your ****
days after cleaning up the place
while you were drunk,
I've been attempting to relocate
the various pieces of my forgotten heart.

I warned her at the start.

"Let's take it slow,
because I don't even know
if I can still do this,
after being alone for so long."

Lately, I've been stressed.
Hard-pressed to convey how I feel,
because all I feel is immense pressure to suddenly perform this boyfriend role.

Even though,
for the first time in what feels like forever,
I'm the one in control.
The scales are finally tipped in my favor.

But I take no solace in the fact
that the shoe is on the other foot,
because the longer this goes on,
the harder it is to ignore,
that when it comes to this kind of thing,
someone always gets hurt.
I already know.
JDK Jul 2015
Sure as ****, we'll deal with it.
It's only as bad as its ever been.
Filled to the brim -
we'll take sips to keep it from overflowing.
Whatchu know about it?
Sunk in soiled circumstances.
Interconnected systems perpetuating lifestyle choices
boiled down into easily digested commercial advertisements.
Yea, I've been craving for that thing for reasons I can't explain.
Subconscious whims leading me to succumb to it.

Sure as sin,
we're all doomed to fail before we begin.
The only saints left are singing long forgotten hymns on forsaken street corners.
I could give two *****.

Add them up.
Divide by the average number of birthday wishes that could never quell the flames.
We're all forsaken.
We've only ourselves to blame.
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