I stared out the window
My brain, completely disengaged
No thoughts, no emotions
But a war was being waged

I could not move or even think
Stood lifeless, as I gazed
But, inside my brain
This awful darkness blazed

Outside the window, light
It seemed so warm and pure
Still, inside my head
A madness did me lure

I could not raise my voice
Could not, say a word
That evil’s lock on me
Seemed to be assured

But then an angel’s voice
So sweetly to me said
Come with me my dear
And let us go to bed
BOEMS BY JA 583      
FOR MY WIFE

You perceive not the fire
Cause you perceive not my mind.

But  the worst that you do ,
Dear world, is,
You make me doubt my time.

I'm deep down in the thick of it all
And its hot and hummid
My flesh naked and sticky with sweat
From this loves hot hands molesting me
With echos of your picture
And dreams of your fingers raining down
Plucking on my hearts strings
Making it scream like a blue guitar
And it has never sang a song so beautiful and pure
And I know I shouldn't be here
But like when Blake married hell to heaven
And the needle stitched itself to ******
I just need a little more of this sweet sin
I'm not proud
I'm just a beggar
And I'm begging for your kiss
Let it burn me
Let it **** me
Won't you be my suicide
Because I can't get any higher
Because I'm not just falling
I have completely fallen
Let me die here by your side
I need your darkness
I need your demons
I need your pain
To to be my bride
And thats the madness
And the nonsense
Because I know
You can't be mine
But ****** to hell
I'll forever wander
Because from this
Dark delicious temptation
I cannot hide
I'm not proud
I'm just a beggar
I'm not hoping
I'm just hopeless
And I'm an addict
Begging for your lips
To steal my final breath

And i believe some people make themselves bad just to make the rest of the world seem better by comparison

I have nothing to say.
My input apparently wasn't welcome,
Though you asked for it.
My presence wasn't required,
Though you said:
"It'll make me more comfortable."
My help was just the opposite,
Though I helped you fix things with him.
You have no clue how hard it was for me.
Figure it out yourself next time.

Dad messaged me yesterday around 5.
I thought this drama was over.
He said listen carefully, so I did.
He said, I have 2 choices.
I can come home Sunday, or have grandma take legal guardianship of me.
No middle ground he said.
If I go back to my parents’ home, he said I won’t see grams except for the weekend.
He has said all this before.
This time feels different though.
He said make a decision after I read his messages, I was supposed to message him right after.
I told him this is a life alerting choice, a decision I can’t make alone.
I told him I would be at the house on Sunday though, what else could I have said?
I went to my aunt’s house yesterday, to get her opinion on it.
I’m getting a lawyer, I’m ready to live life.

I was your ****,
Your angel,
Your novelty gift,
Your diamond,
Your everything.
It wasn’t enough
You needed more.

I gave you my heart, gave you my all
It still wasn’t enough
It was never enough.
You still took my heart
Kept it near you, loving that you had it.
It still wasn’t enough.
You still needed more.

I gave you my trust,
Let my walls crumble,
You saw the real me,
Saw the scared little girl.
I loved you.
You took everything I had;
Left me bleeding.

You got bored, I guess
Bored of me,
You ripped my heart in two,
Threw half back in my face
And stood on the other half.
You burnt it,
    You battered it,
       You broke it.

I was left with nothing,
Less than I thought.
You’d taken everything;
My hope,
                My heart,
My dreams,
                My dignity,
My everything.

You can keep it all.
My claim to fame?
Is that maybe for a while,
A day,
          An hour,
                        A minute at least,
You cared about me too.

He lives in a world of smoke.
With every breath he chokes a little,
No tokes no hopes,
Just the rope of his thoughts that might
****** him any moment.