I know they do
They wish I wasn't born
They want me to be gone
They hate me
They hate me
They hate me

I've been anxious and depressed lately.
I haven't got time to catch my breath
I am so drained I can't even collect the energy to do basic tasks
My parents hate me because of this
I can't defend myself anymore
I don't have the energy to do so
My self destructive ways of coping are taking over my body
I can't breathe
It's like the color dissappeared and everything is foggy
I don't know how much longer I can take this
I've had enough

' You are the reason why my marriage isn't working' - dad

'you are worthless' - mom

'do something with your life, you look stupid doing nothing and being depressed all day' - mom

'you aren't depressed, you are just going though a phase' - dad

'You tear me apart' - mom

'you are egoistic, trying to **** yourself' - dad

'it's your own fault, just eat' - mom

'JUST STOP BEING YOU' - mom

'I don't trust you' - mom

'I love you' - mom & dad

Is there something wrong with me?
Cause I can't seem to keep anyone or anything
Is it the way I walk or the way I talk or how I wish I could change the world?
Is it silly of me to dream?
I try to make everyone happy
But what about me?
Is it too much to ask
Too much of a chore
To stick around unlike everyone before
Is it the way I dress?
I need to impress
Or am I clearly drenched in loneliness?
And I'm craving something like this
Do i feel too much?
Tell me do I feel too much
Are you suffocating under my love?
I can't help it darling, I can't help it with you
They abused me and accused me and left me all alone
Now I wish for someone to stay

Her tears hit the ground more often than her feet
It hurts to know that it's my fault
She broke down because of me
Her smile is something I have to keep in my memory, because I haven't seen it in a while
She doesn't trust me anymore
That's the worst part
She doesn't trust her own child
I did so many ****** up things
She was the one who found me when I tried to **** myself
Something snapped
It's my fault

I am in so much pain
I need somebody to **** me
I've tried and failed many times
They took my pills and noose away
I'm hurting so bad
Help me
Help me
I can't bare it any longer
It feels like I'm being torn apart from the inside out
I can't help it
**** me please
I need to rest
I just need a moment without the mental pain
It never stops it really never stops and I can't bare it anymore I can't live like this any longer
Help me
The demons are too big
They are killing me inside
They don't see how sick I am
They never see it
They trust me to be alone but I can't be alone because I will end my suffering on my own
I need to stop this pain
It's killing me
Help
Caer Caer Caer Caer
Help me it's killing me
I feel so alone
I am so alone right now I can't feel like this any longer
**** me please
Please please please end my suffering
Before it's too late and they take the full control

I smell like the cigarette that I put out on my skin
The sting's still there
It turned to a bright red spot before it went black
I smell like the **** that I smoked
I need it to keep the voices quiet
It turns my thoughts into clouds and my mood into water
I smell like the liquor I drank
I need it to feel alive
I need it to feel like I am somebody
I smell like the blood seeping out of my fresh cuts
I need it to stay calm
Without it I would lose myself in the eye of a noose
Why do I need all these things to make me feel like I am somebody? Without them I turn into my biggest demons and I can't face myself for a second being like that. Why can't I just be like everyone else and find pleasure instead of escape in atleast 3 of these things. Why can't I stop being me?