If only you could break this silence and tell me ,
what's keeping you away from me ,

My thoughts hunt me everyday, every moment,
Every second ,

If only you could step right in front of me, and tell me what's my mistake right in my face,  

I do have enough courage to listen , tell me you hate me it's okay, tell me " I hate you for this for that "

Some say you don't speak because you don't want to hurt me, but dear I'm hurt through your silence more than any other hurtful thing that you might ever say......

I write about you, I rhyme, I think about you,
Because I love you , so much,  maybe more than I should.......

Images of pills peaking out amidst *****
lying perfectly in a porcelain nest
shining like stars in a still night sky
are flashing before my eyelids tonight.
Memories
I can't shake.
Putting all that I've got into change,
forgiveness,
redemption.
So just how many more mornings
of coffee, cigarettes, and the daily newspaper
how many more mornings will it take
for me to stop imagining my face amongst others
in the obituaries?

Swinging aimlessly at the ghost that haunts me
dissipating between fingers of tightly clenched fists

I am now stepping out of the ring to attempt to gain some ground
I've fought countless rounds in a seemingly endless match,
the score's tied
dead even
and somehow it feels almost worse than a loss

Eyes fixated on that trophy
embossed so elegantly
"Happiness"

Shake off glimmering beads of sweat,
wrap up ****** knuckles
once again I'm fixed to fight

Next round's, once again, a bust,
still steady,
we're neck and neck

Hop out the ring,
Discouraged, remain hopeful,
look closer,
the trophy reads
*"Death"